I’ve been struggling. I’ve written about finding my groove with two. And it’s true. I’ve found a groove. We’re getting things accomplished. The laundry isn’t too far behind itself. I’m making meals. I’m getting books read. And I occasionally can shower and put on makeup and feel, almost, like a human being.
But my emotions? Yeah, I don’t suppose I’ve discussed those, have I? And why, you ask?
This is freaking hard, folks. And I don’t like to admit when I’m having trouble. But, goodness sakes, this is hard. By the end of every evening, I’m left feeling like a total failure as a parent. I’m usually close to tears, insanely overwhelmed and nursing a pretty major headache. I sit and recount my day and wonder where things went wrong.
As of late, BigBrother has had some sleep issues (which caused me to buy The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers but, unfortunately, the book is 400 pages long and I fear I’ll never find time to finish and figure out what is wrong). Those issues have made evenings and mornings rather hellacious. Starting and ending your day with screaming and tantrums and whining and tears is not particularly joyful. Add in the fact that LittleBrother has taken to cluster feeding in the evening and I’m just downright exhausted by the time I get to lay down in bed. Which is never for the whole night, whether it’s one or the other that needs tending to in the dark, midnight hours. My favorite was the time that they were both up three separate times which made for six awakenings for me.
This article on Parent Dish only made me feel worse. Not the article, exactly, but the comments from those who have been there and done this. Really? It’s supposed to be easier when the second one comes around? Then what the heck am I doing wrong? While my anxiety has been easier to handle, most likely because of my work in therapy and the mechanisms I have learned to properly cope with it, this overwhelming feeling of “I Suck As a Parent” is hard to get past! A few commenters spoke up and said things that fall in line with how I’m feeling but the general majority agreed that things are just “easier.” And I’m left feeling even more alone.
Trust me, I love these two boys. But it’s hard. Yes, things are getting done both house wise and kid wise. Children are being bathed and fed and loved and played with and so on. But this Mama is tired, worn out, overwhelmed and worried. And now I feel all alone. I feel as if all these other mothers have something that I missed out on when they were handing out parenting abilities. Seriously? My eyes are filled with tears. I feel inferior. I feel like I’m short-changing my kids.
But that’s enough of the pity-party, right? I’ve got laundry to do.
27 Responses to “Now I Feel Even Worse”
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Aw, hon. ((((Firemom)))
Listen, it’s incredibly easy to have selective memory about things when you’re posting an article about parenting, when you’re on a forum giving someone else advice, even when you’re commiserating over coffee with your BFF who you KNOW gets you.
The fact is, we rarely get to see other moms in all their own less-than-stellar, I’m-not-proud-of-me-right-now glory, at 3 AM when the baby has just barfed for the 3rd time in 30 minutes and there are no more clean sheets in the house, and the 3 year old is screaming bloody murder at the same time, and they lose it and start yelling/crying themselves. And reading about it, even an honest account of it, isn’t the same. Somehow, some other moms just seem to get it better than we do.
But here’s the truth as far as I see it:
Nobody has the all secrets. There ARE no secrets, I suspect. We’re all just in it, muddling along as best we can, and some days are easier than others. Some WEEKS are better than others. Anybody who tells you they have all the answers is selling something.
You’re doing fine. You’re still adjusting. It’s OK. You’re a good Mom. I promise. Hang in there.
Coco’s last blog post..The Toe of Woe
I just wanted to say that you and the boys are looking great! The little one is already growing like a weed.
Wendy’s last blog post..Happy 9 Month Birthday Catherine
[...] the last few days, two posts have really resounded with me. One where a new third time mother is expressing frustration at being tired and a bit overworked and another where a mom made a very true confession (albeit a bit funny for those of us [...]
It’s hard to say if 2 is easier or harder. I think when I say easier I mean it as it is all not completely new. I had been through it before.
It is definitely harder in that your time is stretched more thinly. You are more exhausted and pulled in more directions.
The guilt is overwhelming at times. Alot here lately.
Did I spend enough time with both kids? Oh crap I forgot to click the babies fingernails. Unfortunately I have to work outside of the home so the time issue is a biggee and I feel completely and totally helpless with the house work. I can’t keep up. If I were to get everything done all the time I would never have time for the kids but then the clutter gets me also.
I just want to stay home. Raising kids and keeping a home is more than enough work. I don’t think I’m cut out to do anymore.
I hope my pity party makes you feel not so alone.
jessicab’s last blog post..Kitty Kitty Gumball
Good luck. It is hard to have two. Your readers have left good advice.
I forgot to add, don’t forget that BigBrother is adjusting too. The sleeping issues are probably arising from that.
My daughter started having separation anxiety issues at the pre-school she had been attending for a year when my son was born. She loved it there and I trusted the staff 100%. The issue? She felt she was missing something at home while she was at school (she was, my napping and desperately trying to get work done!!). It eventually passed.
BigBrother has probably just realized that this cute creature that he loves, but who takes some of your attention is NOT leaving. BB is just feeling his way around the new relationships too.
Good luck to you!
Lee’s last blog post..All together now . . . AHHHHHHHHHHHHH
I’m so late to comment here (we’ve been away) – but I felt just like you do! Ours were 20 months apart, and I spent the first 6 weeks thinking “What have we done?” I thought we should have waited until our first was in college.
It did get better though. Getting them both asleep at the same time in the afternoons was huge for me. After about 6 weeks, No 2 got a better nap schedule going and started having decent 2 hour naps. Once I got No 1′s programme lined up with this, they both slept for 2 hours at the same time. Made such a difference to Mama’s outlook.
Really – it was just hard at first. I felt overwhelmed by the sheer WORK of parenting (you know – laundry, food, cleaning). I thought I would never emerge again into a space where I could actually parent the way I wanted to – listening to the kids, spending time with them, teaching them stuff.
Please feel encouraged that it does get better. And it’s so sweet having a roly poly 6 month old and a busy little toddler together. You have such fun ahead.
Love Fi.