Subscribe to Our Feed!
To Whom it May Concern;
The next one of you to refer to LittleBrother as “tiny” will be on the receiving end of a knuckle sandwich provided by yours truly. And, boy-oh-boy, do I know how to cook up a mean knuckle sandwich. As you can see by the picture, I’ve been training LittleBrother to do the same thing. Don’t mess with him.
I realize that you mean well. I bet that 99.99% of you who offer up this backhanded compliment mean it in a loving, cute fashion. But every last one of you are driving me insane. Friends, family members and strangers alike. Of note, no one is exempt from the knuckle sandwich so don’t consider yourself safe.
Fact. LittleBrother is smaller than BigBrother. That’s because they’re two years and one week apart, genius. He’s also smaller than you. This does not make him “tiny.” Truth be told, the child is in the 95thpercentile for height and the 50-60th percentile for weight. If the two percentiles were closer, he’d be a little more round, much like BigBrother was back in the day (as he was 75th for weight but only 25th for height!). Instead, his weight is distributed over a much longer area and, as such, he looks thinner.
But he is NOT tiny. In fact, he weighed in at exactly what BigBrother weighed in at when he was four months old. And LittleBrother started out one pound and one ounce lighter! The difference, you ask? The length. LittleBrother was two full inches longer than BigBrother. Hence the difference! If you read that again, LittleBrother is actually BIGGER than BigBrother was at this point in time. Shocker, eh?
For your future reference in hopes that you may avoid knuckle sandwiches from other equally annoyed parents, “tiny” is only acceptable within the first twenty-four hours or so of birth. Newborns, even larger ones, do seem especially small in our big, adult-sized hands. However, once home from the hospital, start commenting on the growth, not the alleged small stature. Another tip: I would avoid the word “tiny” all together with parents of a child born prematurely. If they use it, fine. You, on the other hand, should comment on how awesomely the baby is growing.
LittleBrother is growing along just fine. He is well within an appropriate growth curve, is hitting all of his milestones and is wearing clothing one to two sizes bigger than his age range because he is so long. If you would please remove your foot from your mouth, you could comment on something positive. Like how unique his eye color is or perhaps make a light-hearted joke about his one really long hair atop his head or, even better, tell me that he’s a beautiful boy.
Oh, and for mothers who have children that fall within “acceptable comparing range” to LittleBrother, I need you to back off. You’re all making me twitchy. Don’t ask me what he is doing milestone wise and then follow up with, “Oh, my Perfect Angel has been doing that for weeks.” I don’t care. I don’t care. I don’t care! (Which means I DO care and it makes me have actual anxiety attacks so, please, just back off.) This small aside brought to you by, as you guessed, my anxiety.
But back to size: LittleBrother has ridiculously long feet, toes and fingers. Perhaps he’ll be 6’6″ and call you tiny someday. And when he does, he’ll have to answer to his Mother for giving people backhanded compliments. No one is exempt!
Think before you speak.
Kindly but Darn Freaking Serious About the Knuckle Sandwiches,
FireMom
31 Responses to “An Open Letter to Well-Meaning Friends, Family & Strangers”
Sorry, the comment form is closed at this time.
My name is Jenna, aka FireMom. I blog here, 
Oh, people!!! They’re weird.
I suppose if you didn’t have said baby in your arms, you could stick your fingers in your ears and sing LALALALALALAICAN’THEARYOUICAN’THEARYOU
It’s what I always want to do because I’m mature like that uh-huh.
Firemom – I know we haven’t been in touch face-to-face since you graduated from our alma mater, but I wanted to say how touched and proud I am of you as I’ve watched (from a distance) you grow further and deeper into motherhood. You fire and passion for loving all of your children and the call of motherhood is utterly beautiful – and empassioning for this non-mothering woman.
Out here in California, I point friends to your blog as a source of encouragement in the midst of challenges in motherhood and reconciling being a mother and being a woman. Kudos, my dear! Our professors at Fair Thee Westminnie would be proud – so very proud of you.
Libby
(Oh the good ol’ Sopranos of the Women’s Choir)
I totally agree! I think I’ll have to teach my daughter the fist. I got the tiny compliment today at the store. Argh! Also, when I’m at the store, stopped in an isle, I’m probably looking for something not looking for some one to ask me all about my little one. Ya know what I mean?
Good post!!!
I need to copy and paste this and change the names. I am soooo tired of the “Is he small for his age? Is he crawling yet?” comments. It’s not like I ever say, “Man, your kid is a real chunk!” Maybe I should start! My guy is like 70th or something for height and 30th for weight. I totally hear ya.
I am so cracking up at LittleBrother’s Fist of Baby Doom pose in the picture. He looks quite fierce and cute at the same time. Nice job, Mama.
Now. As the mother of a long, thin boy who is determined NOT to potty anywhere near an actual potty and who still prefers pointing and shrieking to obtain his desired objects instead of oh, say, talking, I hear you a THOUSAND percent on the milestone/development comparisons.
Please. If I have to hear one more time how so-and-so’s obviously college-ready two year old eschewed diapers all on his/her own, while reciting the Iliad from memory just for fun, and then ordered off the adult menu at a swanky French restaurant, in French, of course, I will slap that person. Slap them. Heh.
Seems like all I ever heard, with both of mine, were “Oh, she’s a BIG girl, isn’t she?” or “She’s so little! Are you feeding her?” Yes, Mira looks smaller than Cordy at the same age, but she’s also longer, so like LB, her weight is just spread out more.
So allow me to say: LB is such a gorgeous boy, perfectly proportioned, with beautiful eyes and a killer smile. Just perfect.
“Another tip: I would avoid the word “tiny” all together with parents of a child born prematurely. If they use it, fine. You, on the other hand, should comment on how awesomely the baby is growing.”
Thank you… *hugs*
Twitter: firemom
says:
Judy; Ha! I’ll just put LB in the front/back carrier and do just that. Then again, when he’s in a carrier people always say stupid things like, “Isn’t he uncomfortable?” Well, goofus, does the passed out, snoring child seem to be crying which is a normal infant response to pain? Oh, the intelligence!
Libby; AH! I’m sending you a more personal e-mail in just a bit but thank you for commenting on the blog. You should do it more often.
This Military Mama; Yes, teach her the fist indeed! And what IS it with RANDOM people feeling compelled to approach me (and apparently you) while I’m trying to pick out the type of spaghetti sauce I want to inflict upon the family this week? Honestly.
HeatherK; While I have acknowledge a few of my friends babies “bigger stature,” it’s never been with a negative term. It’s always been, “He’s growing just fine, isn’t he?!” Or some variation thereof. People. They’re … awesome.
Coco; You slap and I’ll knuckle ‘em, okay?
Christina; Thank you kindly for the compliments. LB says, “ahhhhh-fffffff,” the latter half of which is spit oozing from his chin to my lap.
Buhnee; You’re welcome. Having been at risk for premature kids each time and knowing far too many mamas of children born before their due dates, I know how touchy that one can be!
Beautiful. That’s my word of choice when discussing any baby’s appearance.
We don’t talk about size, because I am blessed with two BIG kids. I get lots of “how old is she?”s and then when I tell them, “Wow! She’s a BIG GIRL!” Yes, she is. Thanks very much. Now go away.
Or they call my always-dressed-in-SOMETHING-pink girl a boy because she is blonde and the hair isn’t coming in very quickly.
I just had my friend KD over on Sunday. Her daughter is a month older than Nara, and literally twice as big. “tiny” was thrown around here all over the place on Sunday. I had managed to keep my anxiety about her small stature at bay, having been through that with Wyn already, right up until Sunday. Last night, all I could do is look at her and wonder, is she really just going to be small, or am I starving her? How much is she eating? Maybe I’m not feeding her enough. Maybe I should get rid of the binky. What if the pediatrician suggests supplementing at our next well-baby?
I didn’t sleep well last night. The use of the word tiny should dang well be BANNED. Even when it’s an accurate description (as in my case).
Ugh! We get told all.the.time. how “tiny” the twins are. They’re freaking ASIAN, and Vietnamese to be precise. They are a small people!!! It drives me crazy and feeds *slightly* into my fear that they will be really short as they get older. It’s my hope that they will grow to be at least 5’6″ or better.
Anyway, it drives me nuts. I generally smile and nod. They are growing, they’re healthy, they eat all the time. They aren’t on the American growth charts but they are growing. Gained 9 pounds since we’ve had them. That’s pretty darn impressive to me.
Oh well, enough ranting.
Oh, I hear you. My ‘tiny’ 2 month old is wearing size 9 month clothes. Stop telling me how to feed him. Clearly I know how!
And the milestones, been there, done that with Cameron. We missed every one. Talk about anxiety. Is it bad that I sometimes lie? He has feeding issues and is still on baby food at 22 months. When I go to the store without him, I don’t always tell his real age while buying the food… Too many comments, stares, advice, etc.
My son is in the 10th percentile for height and the 12th for weight. He is three. He has been this way since birth. There is nothing wrong with him, he is just small. I can not tell you how many people comment about how small he is. I have even had people suggest we put him on growth hormones. It is ridiculous the way people feel the need to comment on what they perceive to be an issue.
I get that too. And especially since L’s recent weight loss with his tummy bug, it makes me want to cry when people say how small he is. Someone the other day guessed him for 1-2 months old (and he’s not THAT small!), and yesterday a woman said she thought her little one was “born that size.” If that’s the case, I feel very sorry for her.
Yes, he’s small. He was born on the large side, but has been pretty small ever since his initial weight loss. Maybe he’ll always be small (I’m only 5’2″ after all), or maybe he’ll take after his 6’7″ daddy and be super tall. Chances are, he’ll be somewhere in between. But none of that has anything to do with NOW. He’s healthy, he’s beautiful, and he’s doing just fine … so people should shut the heck up already.
it’s true, I should… then again, I should do my homework ahead of time too – and I don’t… i’ll work on both
Twitter: firemom
says:
call_me_ps: I made the mistake, after posting this, of stepping on the scale and then holding LB on the scale. And now I’m freaked out.
My daughter actually is small – She has been anywhere from <3% to 5% in weight, never higher. So I get those comments ALL.THE.TIME. And she is 2 now. She is healthy and does hit all of her milestones at a normal time. It has been my biggest concern and stress of being a mom though. I always wonder if I am feeding her enough, and how can I feed her more. It made me question breastfeeding but I continued until 22 months even though many told me that was the problem. People just need to keep their comments to themselves. They are not helpful.
Christy,
You and I are in the same boat! My 30 month old daughter is FINALLY in 18 month old clothes. She weighed 15 pounds at 1 year, and 17.5 at 2 years. We FINALLY hit the 20 pound mark and were able to turn her carseat around in February. I never questioned breastfeeding, but I had a nightmare 3 months when I started looking up information about cystic fibrosis and had myself convinced that was what was causing her to be small. Turns out, though, that it’s just genetics. My 3 month old is “tiny” as well, and it’s odd, after having been through this with my oldest, I should be innoculated against the fear, and know that it is just how she was made. Instead, I’m now worrying about my milk, and whether she is getting enough. Ughhh…
Still, it’s nice to know I’m not alone out there!
Take it from an oldie ~ LB looks to be growing like a weed!
Dron’t fret FireMom ~ he’s doing just fine. My guys are 24 & 20 now but, I remember my youngest lost so much weight due to a milk allergy, he was only 17 pds at almost 2 years! He’s 6’5 & 235 pds now…
Seriously! From your pictures (which I’m in awe of your talent) he looks VERY healthy & you can tell he’s growing nicely.
Take a breathe & know you (and he) are doing just fine.
*de-lurks*
i just want to say first, i think littlebrother looks perfect. really. not once do i read your blog, see pictures and think ‘hmm. yeah, tiny’. i always think ‘adorable’. really.
i’m on the opposite end of the size thing. i get comments on how big my daughter is. more like ‘wow, she’s HUGE for her age!’ or, ‘she’s only two??’. ugh. so i’m always left feeling like i have this beast of a little girl. she was born weighing nine pounds, what am i supposed to do?
i feel you on the size thing. it hurts when someone says anything negative. but like i said before, he’s adorable. as is bigbrother.