Tips for Fire Moms to Survive a 36(+)

If you’re a professional fire fighter’s wife and you happen to be a Mom as well, then you’re used to surviving 24 hours at a time on your own. In fact, you probably brag about your schedule to non-Fire-Moms: “Yes, well, my Husband works one day and then is home for two! It’s great!” I’ve done it. I do love the schedule. Most of the time.

But what about those times when an extended call-out (12 hours, for those not in fire service) butts right up against a shift day? For those who can’t do math, that’s 36 hours. Sure, logic says that if you can survive 24 hours alone with the kids, 36 hours shouldn’t be much different. But it is. Trust me.

It’s different because it’s simply not what you’re used to doing. Instead of one bedtime routine alone, you now have to manage two. Instead of using all of your energy on your one day alone and letting your Husband take over in the morning, you’ve got to wake up and keep at it for another 12 hours. (Or, 24, if he’s just started his 36 the night before.) Because extended call-outs aren’t always known far in advance, you may also still have to attend prior engagements that were supposed to be attended without children in tow. 36 is so much more than 24 in many ways.

But you can survive. Trust me.

1. Write it all out. And I mean everything. Every last load of laundry you want to get done (meaning, your potty training toddler is out of underwear and, therefore, laundry has to be done). Every bill that needs to be mailed out in the next 36 hours (meaning, they can’t wait). Every meal you’re going to make (peanut butter is perfectly acceptable but write it down!). And don’t forget to circle, highlight and put stickers next to bedtimes.

2. Pack the night before. If you’ve got to go somewhere during this 36 hour shift, it will be best for everyone if you pack everything that needs to go with you the night before… even if you’re not leaving the house until 2:00 in the afternoon. If your kids are small enough for diapers or extra underwear, don’t forget to throw them in the diaper bag. Snacks, toys they enjoy, books and other things to keep them busy in public are also great to simply have ready come morning. Don’t forget their water cups! (If they take a milk cup or bottle with them, prepare it the night before and set it in the fridge, ready to grab when you go.)

3. Call in the reinforcements. You may be a Fire Mom but you don’t have to be SuperMom. Call in Grandma so you can sit outside and breathe quiet air. Plan a playdate with a friend and her children simply to have adult contact. It’s not a crime to ask for help. It’s also not a crime to crave some adult conversation. Yes, your kids are awesome. And yes, they learn by talking with and to you. But sometimes you just need to talk with someone who understands. If they can’t come over, let them know that they’re “on call” and to keep their phone with them in case you need a five minute phone conversation with someone who doesn’t think trains are the best subject. Ever.

4. Know your Husband’s call policy. Some departments don’t mind when you call for personal reasons. Some don’t want personal calls before x-time. Know this and adhere to it. It’s not an emergency if Little Billy spilled milk on the carpet. You know how to clean it up. It is an emergency if Little Billy slipped and fell in that milk and it seems as if his arm is broken. Of note: It is also an emergency if your child manages to lock himself in the car (ahem) and, at that point, feel free to use the emergency line. But I digress. If you’re allowed to call your Husband for personal reasons, call just to chat for a few minutes here or there in order to relay a funny story, vent some frustration (to avoid yelling at children when they’re just being children) or get some parental advice or backing.

5. Bring out the activities. Kids get bored. Check the weather and plan some outdoor activities. Baby pool. Long walk. Egg races. Finger-painting outside (less mess inside!). Or just playing in your yard. Too hot or rainy or snowy or cold for outside? Get out games. Finger-paint inside. Color or paint or create a craft for Daddy. And, trust me, it won’t kill your kids to break out a DVD. In fact, use long periods of time like this to introduce a new one. (Go to the movie store before your Husband leaves and make sure to get longer than a 24 hour rental.) Another side-tip here: I found that my older son really enjoys reading books about fire fighters, fire fighting, fire trucks and Daddies in general when his Daddy is gone for a long time. Make sure you know where these books are and pull them out at will!

6. Remember that your children miss their Daddy. They don’t hate you. They do love you. But right now, they miss their Daddy. Acknowledge their feelings and reassure them that Daddy misses them as well. As an added bonus, learn the department’s visit policy and plan an early evening visit. We like to go in that hour and a half before their bedtime in order to let them run off some energy and get kisses from Daddy before bed. It helps them remember that Daddy does love them and helps me get them worn out for bed. (Also, seeing FireDad is always a nice thing. Especially in uniform pants. Ahem.) We’ve also done things like stop in after church or a necessary trip to the Pediatrician. (Small side tip: Carry your Husband’s schedule with you and try to refrain from scheduling said appointments on days that he works.)

7. Back to not being SuperMom: Don’t do too much. I’m not saying to let the house deteriorate around you. But you don’t need to wash all of the fabric items in the house. You don’t need to powerwash the garage. You don’t need to teach the children to recite the Bible backwards in your Husband’s absence. Referring back to #1, write out those things that you wish to accomplish in his absence. Don’t push yourself too far but don’t neglect things that you normally wouldn’t neglect (like leaving a sink of dirty dishes for morning, etc).

8. Most Important: Before he leaves for an extended call-out, LEAVE THE HOUSE. I don’t care where you go, just GO. Go get a coffee. Go to the library and get a book (don’t forget that your library also offers movies/DVDs for the kids). Go sit somewhere quiet and just… sit. But take an hour or two for yourself (if you have advance notice) and give yourself a pep talk about the time you’re going to be alone.

You can do this!

And trust me, sometimes it will be easy-breezy and sometimes it will be the worst time. Ever. But you can do this. (Of note: It’s also easier with one child than two… or more.) And don’t let other people get you down. Other wives whose husbands travel for extended periods of time or experience other lengthy absences will tell you that you’re whining for nothing because they have it worse. Ignore them. Anything out of your expected norm and “schedule” can throw you off. You know that. And they know that. They’re just looking for some encouragement of their own. Tell them that you’re sure it’s difficult to be them and continue on. (Of note: don’t invite them over for your mid-call-out playdate.)

Someday your children will be grown and gone and you’ll get to spend 36 hours by yourself. And while that sounds perfect right now (doesn’t it?), your memory will, no doubt, take you back to a time when you made it through these hectic 36(+) hour stretches of time… like a pro!… and you’ll smile. The mind has a way of erasing memories of that time that your two year old told the neighbors that Daddy ran away.

Tomorrow I’m going to tell everyone, not just Fire Moms, about a product that you need to have in your Kitchen First Aid kit. You don’t have a Kitchen First Aid kit? Oh. You might want to work on that one.