The Pros and Cons of Joint Birthday Parties

We did it. We survived our first Joint Birthday Party for the boys just yesterday. I say first because I’m afraid that there will be many, many more to come as the boys birthdays fall one week apart. I had and, really, still have some reservations about the concept of doubling up to have one birthday party for both boys, but the pros far outweigh the cons. For us, at least.

Before I jump into the pros and cons, however, I have to mention that this concept was a complete departure from my previously beliefs. When Britney Spears had her second son just days after her first son’s birthday, someone commented that she’d at least have it easy and could have their birthday parties on the same day. I exclaimed in horror that I would never do such a thing. That’s probably why LittleBrother was born exactly one week after BigBrother’s second birthday. While I am eight years older than my brother, our birthdays are only eleven days apart. My parents never threw a joint birthday party. I’d assume most of this was due to age. In later years when we both had friend parties, we each got to have a big friend party every other year. On the off year, we just had cake and ice cream and presents with our parents.

So I was staunchly opposed to the concept of dual birthday parties. Until I realized that throwing two parties in a seven day time period with Thanksgiving thrown into the mix seemed like sanity suicide. And, here we are, one day out from our Joint Birthday Party. Here’s what we think of it.

Pros

• Timing wise, it’s so much easier. One party and you’re done. Friends and family also find it easier to attend and neither child feels slighted as they would if a friend could attend one party  but not the other. Furthermore, if you have family or friends that have to travel quite a distance, like my family, they only have to do so once.
• One big cake or two little cakes instead of two big cakes. Hooray! We have a big family so we need a big cake. As such, if we were having two parties, we’d have to have two big cakes. This year, we got one big cake as they both wanted the same design. Next year we may go with two smaller (but equaling one big) cakes if they want a different design.
• No one feels left out. While we still make a big deal about their individual days (see below), the other one can feel left out if a party is thrown in honor of the other. I do believe that’s a life lesson (“not all parties are for us”), it’s still hard. One party ensures that two little boys feel special.

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• One invitation! Even if you don’t send it because you’re sidelined by the swine flu. Whoops.

Cons

• The realization of price. If you’ve only thrown singular parties in the past, you have been blessed to separate the costs. When the cost is thrown into one party, you may be caught off guard. Six balloons for each birthday boy resulted in a much higher cost than I expected. Sure, I would have paid the same for two separate parties with six balloons each. It’s just the realization of cost that is somewhat off-putting. On the flip side, you only need one set of plates as opposed to two. So, maybe it works out in the end.
• Age differences do matter at times. I’m the first to say that age doesn’t matter. Much. In a birthday party setting, it can. I had to help LittleBrother open his presents (though he got it by the end) so I couldn’t pay as much attention to BigBrother opening his presents. That kind of stings my Mommy Heart a little bit. Things like music choices and age appropriate games may be difficult for some age gaps or certain years. Age difference issues also come into play with regard to child-friend attendees. Keep that in mind when making your guest list.
• Attendees have to bring two gifts. Granted, like the realization of price, they’d be bringing one gift to two separate parties anyway but it’s that realization that can be a negative thing for some people.

Of course, the biggest con that every parent fears is that the children will feel slighted in some way. Everyone deserves their special day, don’t they? That’s why we still have a (small, homemade) cake with each boy on their individual birthdays. We also give them their birthday presents from us on their birthday-days, not at their birthday party. We want them to realize that they are special and that they are loved. We also want them to realize that they have family members who love them very much and want to be included in the celebration and, as such, it’s just easier for them to attend one party than two. Life lessons again. Shouldn’t birthdays be exempt from life lessons? I don’t know.

I do know that it worked for us. This year. I’m curious as to how it will work in years to come. Judy left a great comment on our previous post as to how her family made it work though that gives me hope.

My one sister and I are two years and one day apart and we used to have joint parties. Then when we were older, we would have parties on the same day but in different rooms of the house (doing the fun stuff separately but cake and opening present at the same time? I think???).

That’s an idea to keep in mind for the future when they’re old enough to entertain their friends on their own. That’s also an idea to keep in mind when we look to purchase our next home (three years from now) so that we have enough space to shuffle children off into separate rooms. Mark that down on my “want list” for our future purchase.

In the end, I’m really glad we went with the joint party. The idea of having another birthday party next weekend, Thanksgiving weekend, makes me twitch just a little bit. I’m sure if I made my family travel out here two weekends in a row just to endure a kid’s birthday party that they might be a little twitchy as well. I think we’ll have to revisit this topic again, each year, to assess and reassess whether joint parties actually work for us but, as for this year, it was a success.

Exhausting. But a success!

If you have experience with joint parties working, not working or needing to change your approach over the years, I would appreciate a comment!