I know that I’m touchy about certain aspects of parenting and, more specifically, my parenting. I realize that my emotions are on overdrive this weekend as Munchkin’s birthday is on Sunday. I’m touchy, moody and will likely dissolve into a puddle of tears and/or a screaming maniac if you look at me sideways. Maybe even if you look at me directly. Even when Munchkin’s birthday is not on the immediate horizon, I’m still kind of touchy about my parenting. As I was once made to believe that I wasn’t good enough to parent, I have this overzealous need to prove that I am, in fact, The Best Parent Alive. At All Times. Ever.
This may also have something to do with my perfectionist personality. Double whammy on the issues! I never do things halfway, do I?
Perfectionism aside, you can insult me about my writing, my photography, my crazy hair, the fact that I always wear green or just about anything under the sun and I’ll merely rant about you to my husband. If you insult my parenting, or, rather, if I even think you are insulting my parenting, all bets are off. When I say all bets are off, I mean that I’m going to go out to my vehicle and cry. So, really, I wouldn’t worry too much about yourself. I have no bite.
It happened today at the checkout while running errands with LittleBrother. It’s cold out right now. It hit 26 degrees just a few minutes ago and that’s a heatwave. LittleBrother and I were bundled in our coats and he still had his very adorable knit hat atop his head. As I swiped my card and entered numbers without my gloves on because I can’t press numbers on a touch screen pad with gloves on, the cashier says to LittleBrother in a sing-songy, judgmental voice, “Where’s your gloves little buddy? It’s too cold for you to be out without gloves on.”
I paused. I looked across the counter. I had my Mama Bear Eyes blazing and my Serious Voice on.
“They’re in his pocket.”
I said nothing more. I said nothing of how he hates gloves, mittens or anything that covers his hands. I said nothing of how it is a fight but we still put them on, screaming and wailing the whole time. (Him, not us. Most of the time.) I said nothing of how I take them off when we get in somewhere warm so he doesn’t have something to whine and fuss about as we make our way through the store because I, unlike some people, don’t like to bug others in stores. Or checkout lines. You know. I did, and I mean I really did want to say, “His gloves must be wherever you left your manners today.” But I didn’t.
Because I felt judged.
I felt that this woman was judging me as an unfit mother for taking my son out in the cold weather without gloves. I wanted to crawl under a rock with my son, with gloves on, and just cry for awhile. I didn’t as there are very rarely large rocks at the end of checkout counters. I finished the transaction, stood too long at the end of the aisle and loudly talked with LittleBrother as I put his gloves on his poor, pitiful, but not even remotely cold little hands. I may have shot a smug look in the direction of the cashier as I walked away.
But I cried when I got out to the vehicle.
There are things in life that I don’t care if I’m good at or, even maybe more importantly, things that I don’t care if the rest of the world doesn’t know or think I’m good at. Parenting is not one of those things. While I admit my faults (remember me talking about yelling too much?), I really can’t handle passing judgment. It’s even worse if it is judgment from someone within my family or friend circle but passing judgment still hurts. I’ve worked very hard on trying not to be a helicopter parent at the playground or elsewhere, knowing that my issues with adoption often lead me to overprotectiveness. At the same time, while I’m forcing myself to sit still at the playground and let them try out their wings, hopefully not literally, I fear that other parents are looking at me and wondering why I’m not at their side every second. I try so hard to not only be the best parent I can be but to get past these darn issues.
And I fail. A lot. Too much.
This is all just a long winded way of saying: if you see my children without gloves, look in their pockets before calling Child Protective Services on me. I really don’t want to have to use my Serious Voice on you.
Or LittleBrother to have to smile you to death in his adorable knit hat and very warm jacket. Ahem.
14 Responses to “Gloves, Judgment and Tears”
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You’ll have to tell me where you were today. I took Elle to Kennedy’s, the pharmacy, the scrapbook shop while she was wearing her new pajamas, sans gloves, sans underwear and refusing to zip her coat up
The lady would have a field day with me!
Oh I know the sting of that sing-songy caring judgment. On the coldest of cold days my crew is out w/o their jackets zipped and maybe or maybe not gloves. My 5yo gets to walk down the block from the bus stop by herself w/ me watching and that’s just the tip of my “things people might judge even when it’s none of their business” iceberg. We got an early lunch at the food court today and one of the employees was all “they must have had a light breakfast” Huh?
*hugs* you rock. especially at the end of this long solo-gig marathon.
.-= Heather´s last blog ..a cold day =-.
That is so stinky. I often find that strangers say really stupid things just because they can’t think of anything not-stupid to say, particularly if they’re the kind of people who feel they must make conversation all day, such as talkative, nosy cashiers. And I’ve been worried about this same issue lately, b/c our 2-year-old hasn’t been wanting to wear his jacket in this freezing weather. Ugh. Over time, we’ve gotten comments from strangers about his big size, his bedtime, his noise levels, etc. There’s only so much you can do to control another human being, you know, and I always wonder if they really want me to go there. And if they hear what’s coming out of their mouths!
I think you did stand up for yourself by pointing out the facts and showing her they were in fact in his pocket all along (who wears gloves inside, anyway?). And, of course, you got to vent about it here, so that’s all good!
.-= Lauren @ Hobo Mama´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday: Babywearing in Peru =-.
ZOMG! Love the hat!!!
Seriously why would anyone wear gloves INSIDE a store. What a stupid thing to say. If you were outside and his hands were bright red, well than maybe a tactful inquiry might be in order. People are strange!!
I just gotta say, that is the cutest picture!!!!
and a quick {{{HUG}}} for a great mom!
.-= andy´s last blog ..The perils and pleasures of working from home =-.
Is it just me or does LB look a lot like BB in that picture?
Also… seriously, not the cashier’s business. Dude.
I understand how you feel. I’m touchy about how people judge my parenting in public, too. I can admit I’ve gone to the car and cried more than once.
And yeah – she got judgy over gloves? Who doesn’t take their kids gloves off when they’re inside? Had you left them on, she probably would have judged you for overheating your child.
(That pic – LB looks SO MUCH like BB!)
.-= Christina´s last blog ..Dear Santa, I Want A New Computer =-.
How can anybody look at the smile on that kiddo and not see that you must be the most awesome mom ever??
The lady needs her brain checked.
I remember when the girls were younger I would get those looks and statements from strangers. It would always put me in defensive mode.
I remember being really irked when they would speak directly to the girls like I wasn’t even there.
Don’t worry about busybodies and their comments….altho I know this is so much easier said than done.
xo
.-= Domestic Extraordinaire´s last blog ..And then you turned fifteen =-.
I am sure you are a fantastic mother, and people just don’t think when they say things like that. I would say “don’t let it get to you” but I am sure I’ll be the exact same way when I have kids. I’m the same way when people act like they’re questioning my abilities as a teacher.
People should just step off and mind their own business. Rawr.
.-= Ari´s last blog ..A perfect day for presents… and pictures. =-.
Breathe. You’re doing GREAT!
.-= Lisa´s last blog ..Merry Christmas =-.
Hey, at least he has gloves in his pocket! My youngest does not have a pair, because he lost his and I refused to go buy him another pair, because he hates gloves too and won’t wear them anyhow. I’m pretty sure he lost them on purpose :-p
Besides that it really was a dumb question since you were indoors doing shopping, silly cashier with no manners!
.-= Loretta´s last blog ..Nut Horns Holiday Cookie Recipe as Promised on Twitter =-.
Ouch. I am feeling you today.
.-= Ally´s last blog ..Protected: Part 4 =-.
Alexis’ gloves are sitting on our dining room table, only because I made my husband dig them out so I could shove in her pocket. Two weeks ago. Apparently I’m in no hurry to even pretend to care if she wears gloves or not. Cause she won’t and I don’t.
.-= Burgh Baby´s last blog ..He May Not Know He Made Me Smile Every Year, but He Did =-.