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The fallout from the NY Times article by Jennifer Mendehlson is something I’d normally ignore. I try to let things pass because the drama fades after a day or so. I feel I need to say my peace, however, as I feel that personally attacking a large group of mothers shouldn’t be ignored. Troll antics or not, the author needs to know who she’s attacking.
I’m mostly confused as to why Mendehlson and others like her are continuing to beat the generational dead horse. Maybe this horse is slightly different but it’s still just a spawn of the dead horses we’ve beaten over the years. Go to work. Stay home. Stay home but work. And all the little issues and nuances in between those arguments. Over and over until we’re blue in the face, confused and fighting with one another. And the question has to be asked why women and mothers are actively seeking a community in which they feel as though they belong? Being attacked in such a manner usually makes people band together.
The other problem I’m having beyond the tired variation of the Mommy Wars being delivered by another mother is the point that we should actually be rejoicing in our mothers having interests, hobbies and even careers in something that they love. We are not mindless. We do not retire our interests, desires, hopes and dreams simply because we are parenting children. As long as these mothers can find moderation, they’re doing what we should all want for ourselves. We want our children to see us interested in something, to show them that they can have interests and be successful. Other examples include reading, scrapbooking, yoga and cooking to name a few. All of those things in moderation can be absolutely wonderful. They even have retreats and conferences for these hobbies. If Mama Jane Doe went to a weekend cooking class to better herself, have a good time with friends and generally enjoy herself, is Jennifer Mendelsohn going to write an article about how she’s ignoring their children? What about all weekend scrapbooking retreats? Are these now off limits? Should mothers forego their yoga class on Thursday nights? Should we quit reading all together?
These are silly questions, of course, because the nasty finger-pointing initiated by Mendelsohn was silly. Unless a Mom is saying, “I can’t feed you because I’m busy reading a book while in this inverted yoga pose that is helping me think about my blog more than you,” the issues as to time spent and validity of the hobby are neither Mendelsohn’s business nor mine.
Finding balance is hard for any mom. I think that’s one thing we struggle with no matter our career choices or hobbies. My recent and very part-time return to work brought about some negative reactions from both people online and in my real life. While they were few and far between, they still stung. The truth is this: if it came down to it, I’d choose my family over any job. More over, what Mendehlson is missing, if it came down to it, I’d choose my family over my blog(s). I don’t know many moms who would choose their blog, their career or their various hobbies over their children. They probably exist but they’re also probably not the people we’re talking about right now.
I have found some great communities through blogging. Not only do I have a large number of people with whom I network and, you know, begin writing books with but I have support in other women and mothers. I have found healing through the adoption community and blogging at Chronicles has allowed me to find my peace. The fire, EMS and safety communities online are another great niche that have allowed me to learn about various things and help others learn, too. Mendehlson may think my communities are silly and time-wasting. I think using a large publication to essentially troll not just one but all mom bloggers is equally silly. The good news is, however, that the attack has banded us closer together and we’re feeling stronger than ever.
I am proud to be a Mother, a wife, a photographer, a freelance writer and, yes, even a Mother Who Blogs.
27 Responses to “Proud to Be a Mother Who Blogs”
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My name is Jenna, aka FireMom. I blog here, 
So, I read the article after seeing your tweets. The title of the NYT piece is deliberately inflammatory, in order to boost readership (irony noted). I also found that the main criticism in the article had to do with a perceived loss of integrity due to corporate America’s relatively recent embrace of the blogging community. Now, that can obviously wind its way back to a work vs stay home vs compromise debate.
The funniest part to me, was the irony of a “shock and awe” title designed to draw readership (which keeps her in business at the NYT) for an article primarily criticizing women who are trying to do the same thing, only independently from a mass media outlet. To me, it boils down to another desperate attack from mass media as they slowly die and give way to social media.
Twitter: firemom
says:
It is, which I find amusing as I work in both traditional and “new” media. When are we going to stop calling it new, by the way?
Mendehlson should have gone about her research a bit more, interviewed one of those who started Blog With Integrity and discussed why its working for blogs and companies and what the issues are when bloggers/companies aren’t transparent. Instead she presented a one-sided article and, in the process, helped shoot the mass media in the foot just a little bit more.
Twitter: firemom
says:
Also, if this image ( http://www.nytimes.com/imagepages/2010/03/14/fashion/14moms-5.html ) wasn’t included with the article, I might say that it wasn’t a thinly veiled attack. Unfortunately, it was and, as usual, picture speak a thousand words.
Very good commentary. The NYT article paints it so black and white. If you have a blog, you are ignoring your children, and you are selfish. Give it all up and spend all your time being selfless instead. You chose to stay home, so stop pretending to be something else. Well, the choice CANNOT be selfish vs. selfless. There has to be a balance, And anyone who says otherwise is a fool. Thanks for the stand that you are taking. Bravo.
.-= Corina´s last blog ..Standing in the Line… And Stronger for It =-.
Twitter: firemom
says:
Corina; I just get fired up about the balance issue. I don’t think there’s a mother who doesn’t struggle with it. I’m sure Mendehlson does as well and I don’t know why she would choose to shun a community that would be openly embraced her. There are many traditional media employees who also blog on the web. They have been embraced. I’m one of them now and no one has been actively shunning me!
I think I missed something in Mendehlson’s story. I didn’t really see it as taking sides, just an account of what some mothers are doing. I also have missed the conversations about this article — probably a good thing. I agree with your assessment, however, that Moms need to be allowed to do whatever makes them happy, brings in money and keeps their experiences active and helps them stay involved.
.-= Alicia´s last blog ..‘How Many Days Until …’ Paper Chain =-.
I tweeted this article yesterday because a fellow GHMOM was featured and I thought the PR was excellent. I really didn’t take the position you have, until now, because I do see your point.
Maybe the catch is in her title, but I found that Mendelsohn went to the source and printed true to the craft points. We have come from simply being voices on the internet to brands and high income driving sites. We have not however, like many have stated, been set free of the “Mommy coffee shopping” tag that so infuriates me. I rarely, if ever write about “Mommying”, and often resent that is ALL we have to talk about.
While I welcome the attention this article has brought us and glad for perspectives such as yours giving us more to converse about, angles we need to examine and projections we need to be making, I too will applaud when we get the respect that DADDY’s get in their everyday life.
Great post, thanks.
.-= Dwana´s last blog ..Celebrate Law Day 2010! =-.
Twitter: firemom
says:
You, as well, do have points that a few of the interviews in the article are good. I do note that and appreciate your super awesome comment on the topic here. Quite honestly, almost anything that provides us with a reason to discuss these topics (or topics like them) is something beneficial in the end. I say almost anything because we all know that there are attacks that have existed and are yet to come that won’t be anything but nasty and hateful. This one did have a point or two and now that I’ve breathed a bit, I acknowledge those.
Your points about the tag that is placed upon us are equally important. I write a bit about mothering/motherhood but I write about so much more. I’ve fallen into my niches and embrace them fully, just as I embrace the mothering aspect of my life. We are not one dimensional. I wish that the media AND the brands would recognize and embrace that themselves.
I forgot to mention that I think the headline and that graphic are what throw it over the edge. The writers don’t always write the heads though, so Mendehlson might not have had anything to do with that.
.-= Alicia´s last blog ..‘How Many Days Until …’ Paper Chain =-.
Twitter: firemom
says:
That’s true. I work in traditional media and went to school for broadcasting. Writers/reporters are not always in charge of their title. I acknowledge that. I do also take offense with her tone at times in the article and the general portrayal that we’re still “less than” what she’s doing.
Twitter: fromtracie
says:
I absolutely agree with you….far more than selling ads (which I haven’t, but don’t mind when others do) blogging has provided me with a community. As a sexual abuse survivor, I have been able to connect with lots of other survivors and received and given comfort. Precious relationships have been formed…all without neglecting or taking anything away form my daughter.
The picture included in the article really was an attack even worse than the title.
.-= Tracie´s last blog ..-Why the New York Times Can Kiss My Blogging *SS! =-.
Twitter: firemom
says:
I’m glad that you have found a community of support as well. Similarly, without the adoption community, I never would have come to the place where I am today. I will be forever grateful for what blogging started out as and turned into. I’m excited to see where it goes.
The more I read it, the more I hate that the author portrays the archaic thought of motherhood OR professional success. Must everything go “dormant” when an egg is fertilized? I hope not, I’m not a mom yet and that would make me never want to be
.-= Natalie´s last blog ..Closet shopping =-.
Twitter: firemom
says:
Thank you for your super comment. Seriously. My Mom, who worked part time until, my brother and I were both in school and then went full time, always taught me that I could do whatever I wanted, children or not. I still stand firm by that, as she does. She was an amazing role model in that way and I hope to be to my children, gender not mattering in the discussion of you can do what you want with your own life!
I missed most of the fury. Thanks for linking to the article. This might be blogging blasphemy, but I think Ms. Mendehlson was the victim of editorial oversight. I don’t think the piece itself is that bad, (not quite up to snuff of NYT purported high research standards), but the headline and the graphic are inflammatory. that’s for sure.
.-= Lee´s last blog ..St. Patty’s Day Pinwheels =-.
Twitter: firemom
says:
As I continue to breathe and talk, I’m leaning in your direction. Though her tone is still somewhat off. I can’t figure out the point of the article at this point. If it’s a “hey, blogging resources exist for people who want to do stuff,” the tone is way off. If it’s a true “mommy bloggers are lame,” the tone is still not quite right. I’m thinking it’s somewhere in between with a smidgen of… something.
Nice post! I linked to you on mine….
http://kellysluckyyou.blogspot.com/2010/03/now-we-have-nerve-to-want-respect-you.html
Nicely done, FireMom. Fist to the chest.
.-= mom101´s last blog ..Honey, Don’t Bother Mommy. I’m Writing a Mildly Annoyed Letter to the New York Times. =-.
the picture, the tone of the article – any point she may have made that might have had some validity was lost because of her condescension.
I vented on this subject too: http://hadassahsabo.wordpress.com/2010/03/15/sorry-kid-i-need-to-ignore-you-for-a-while%E2%80%A6not/
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Yes, it is nice that we all are banning together and that this article only made blogging moms stronger, plus, I have come across many great blogs I hadn’t hear of before!
I just posted my blog post in response to the NYTimes article. After not wanting to chime in at first, I ended up with a pretty long post
Thanks for your article,
Dagmar
Dagmar’s momsense
.-= Dagmar Bleasdale´s last blog ..Mommy Bloggers and Their Depiction in the New York Times =-.
Mom101 has a very good post about this same article. I feel pretty much the way you do about it — what is it about becoming a mother that makes us and our choices fair game? Drives me bonkers.
Flora is set on becoming a “skin doctor” (dermatologist). She also wants to “get married and have babies”. The other day she asked me, “Wait. Can skin doctors get married?”
I assured her they could. And have babies. And still be skin doctors! Since she sees me leave the home to work, I hope I’m actively teaching her that you can do anything as a mom. Balance isn’t always present. Some days I play games with my daughters instead of cleaning the kitchen; some days I let them watch TV while I put the laundry away. They seem happy and healthy and bright, and Dan and I work hard to be there for them.
I think most of the moms I know — even we bloggers! — are doing a great job.
.-= red pen mama´s last blog ..Lost in the Supermarket, Take Two =-.
Twitter: firemom
says:
But isn’t that what balance is? Choosing what works on whatever particular day? Dishes can wait sometimes. Just as sometimes kids can veg for a bit while we get things done that absolutely need getting done. I think admitting that those choices even exist is part of maintaining that balance!
I guess you’re right. I think I actually let my husband get to me about the cleanliness of our house. As he works 60+ hours a week (talk about no balance) he has no idea about the logistics of what I refer to as “the daily”. We’re working on it.
.-= red pen mama´s last blog ..Lost in the Supermarket, Take Two =-.
I’m with you on this one. I can’t think of anyone I know of who would purposely shove their kids away or ignore them because they are blogging or something. That one image (http://www.nytimes.com/imagepages/2010/03/14/fashion/14moms-5.html) was just over the top. The one blogger who was quoted as saying “We all live online” – I think that’s a bit of a stretch right there.
Recognizing priorities, finding balance, it works out.
As a mom who blogs (though not quite as eloquently and well-read as you) and a part-time Physical Therapist, I’m feeling badly for you that you received negative feedback when you returned to part-time work. I agree, I would ALWAYS choose my family over work if that was the choice, but I think my employment outside of my home lets me be Sarah for a while, and not just Mom. I also get to contribute monetarily to my family in a way that we need to maintain our lifestyle. It’s not an extravagant lifestyle, but it’s comfortable. Good for you for keeping your job, being a Mom Who Blogs, and keeping your family happy and loved. Because it’s evident in your pictures and words that your family is doing just fine.
.-= Saj´s last blog ..You Capture: Reaching =-.