Penis Jokes: We Got ‘Em!

My kids have jokes. Penis jokes. (And others.)

— __ — __ —

BigBrother: I am a crocodile. Snap snap.
LittleBrother: I’m a flute. You can blow me!

LB and his flute

(Please note that LittleBrother’s statement was said with the utmost innocence and sincerity, which made it all the more hilarious.)

— __ — __ —

Papau handed BigBrother the drill. It started drilling.

YiaYia: Put that down!
*BigBrother puts it down*
BigBrother: What’s wrong, YiaYia? Were you afraid I was going to screw you?

BB's new sunglasses

(More innocence.)

— __ — __ —

YiaYia: LittleBrother, you are pushing all of my buttons.
LittleBrother: No I’m not. You don’t have buttons. I looked.

— __ — __ —

Me: You guys are driving me nuts!
BigBrother: You guys are driving me bigger nuts!
LittleBrother: You guys are driving me bigger *pause* PENIS!

(No innocence here. Penises are funny.)

— __ — __ —

I do not know why my three-and-a-half year old can tell penis jokes. I do not know why farts are so funny. I do not know how to keep a straight face when my kids sing the Elmo’s World song and change the word “world” to “penis.” My house is should probably be renamed LaughingHouse instead of FireHouse. There’s a crazy amount of giggling around here as of late and it has nothing to do with what the adults are saying. I mean, who knew that penises were that funny.

Then again, I’m not overly surprised. I guess I am kind of living at a version of the fire house. I’ve got three men of various ages who have smoke in their blood. There are bound to be some wickedly inappropriate jokes now and then. Perhaps. Also, I think we need a female pet, just for a bit more estrogen. I mean, honestly.

And, just a warning: If LittleBrother starts talking about body parts — any body part: elbow, knee, eyelash — it will inevitably turn into a conversation about boy parts. There’s no way around it.

–__ — __ —
[It doesn’t contain penis jokes, but you should read my review of A Discovery of Witches at the BlogHer Book Club.]

 

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6 Replies to “Penis Jokes: We Got ‘Em!”

    1. Be sure to write them down. That’s specifically why I blogged this. If I write it on twitter or Facebook, it inevitably gets lost in the ether. Blogging it means I can search for it later and laugh all over again.

      Man, kids are better than comedians.

      1. It’s the little stories like this that make me truly glad I started a blog. I will most definitely write everything down that I even remotely want to remember so that it is permanently documented. I love the idea of being able to look back on Riley’s childhood, and it’s the small moments like these that I won’t remember until I read what I wrote years before.

  1. Owen and I always sing a Wash song while I bathe him (to Row Your Boat) and we always insert a body part. Tonight, I asked what body part we should sing about next and he said, “Wash Your Penis!” We then sang the verse about penises THREE MORE TIMES.

    He’s not even two yet!!!

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