2012 was not a bad year in the grand scheme of things. I mean, we bought a new house! We got two birds and a dog! I got a real Christmas tree for the first time in my 31 years of life! I won an award (that I never blogged about)! I got healthy and started running again! Lots of great and amazing and wonderful happenings.
But something was missing. Something has been missing.
As you may have noticed just in the past week or more specifically over the past entire year, my writing in this space and others I call my own has dwindled. I could claim that this week was about family and travel and relaxation and video games and yummy food — which it was — but the lack of writing is really par for the course for the year. Some of you have poked and prodded as to why. There are many reasons, but most are excuses and not real reasons.
You may have also noticed that I haven’t taken as many pictures with my real camera. Or, when I do, that I don’t post them very much. Or edit them. They just sit on the hard drive or external hard drive and do nothing. I look at my real camera somedays and wonder when it became detached from my eye. I miss being that girl.
And so as I’ve thought about what I want to accomplish with intention in 2013, I keep coming back to those two things: my writing and my photography. I’ve been stumbling around trying to pick one or the other to focus on this year, trying to figure out which means more and which is more important to me and which will get the majority of my attention. I kept falling short, coming up without answers or a decision. I love them both. I have missed them both dearly.
And so, my word of 2013 is create.
It was a hard word for me to pick because it feels very crafty and tactile and things I am decidedly not. My sister-in-law is a fantastic artist. I have friends who are incredibly crafty, either with their children or in their own space and time. The word create conjures up images of art teachers and beautiful women making amazing pieces of art. Certainly that’s not me.
But I do. Create, that is. With words. With images. With food and clothing and makeup and hair. With space. With time. I am and always have been a creative individual. I’ve lost sight of that part of me in the past few years. Maybe the back injury. Maybe some personal issues. Who knows what came together to make me lose the joy I feel when I’m walking through deep snow drifts trying to set up the perfect picture or pouring over words at three in the morning to create a specific feeling in myself and my reader. It could have been any single thing but was likely a number of things coming together, forcing my focus away from things that, while not life or death, are still important to my being, to my soul.
And so, 2013 is my year of creating, of writing, of photographing, of standing in a snow drift and seeing, of sitting in the dark and typing and erasing and retyping, of dressing how I want, of painting wood furniture despite what the mean employee at the Big Orange Store said, of continuing to make our new house feel like our home, of making my kitchen smell fantastic, of working with my hands and making something fantastic, of being me — healthy and happy and creative again.
Happy 2013. May your year be what you dream it to be in that secret place, in your heart of hearts.