Bundled in my green and black winter coat, texting gloves on my hands, I stood at the doorway with my two sons as they waited for the bus on the only day the powers that be managed not to cancel school last week. Their mouths ran a mile a minute; I struggled to keep up as they bounced from thought to thought, concept to concept, grievance to grievance. I blinked slowly, lifting my ever-present morning cup of coffee to my lips.
As they continued their morning imparting of knowledge and asking of questions, I felt as if I floated above the scene, watching it all happen as a third party. Suddenly, I felt overwhelmed with their presence. No, not their presence. Their existence.
I don’t mean that their non-stop talking made me feel overwhelmed or anxious. I don’t mean that I wanted them to get on the school bus and go away. No. I suddenly felt absolutely floored that these two individual human beings … were human beings. Real, little human beings with thoughts and feelings and opinions and memories and great big personalities. While once they slid out of my body and fit in the crook of my arm, now they stood before me with all of the words; my feet fit in their socks.
Getting to know them seems to be a constant, never-ending process. Just when I think I know who they are, who they might be, they change. They change what they like or what they’re interested in. They grow out of clothes or phases. They suddenly become new people, trying on different masks and identities. I frequently find myself in awe of their lack of fear when it comes to figuring out who they want to be, who they are in this moment. When do we lose that? When did I lose that?
As they continued to talk my ear off, a smile crept across my face. I find it so amazing, this constant journey of watching them grow and change and become who they will someday be. These little beings that came from within me will someday turn into adults. The journey on the way to that end result may push all of my buttons — and their own — but in the still small moments of motherhood, I feel so honored to be along for this ride.
Morning fart jokes — before I’ve finished that first cup of coffee — and all.