Claire Bidwell Smith’s memoir, The Rules of Inheritance, hit me in various ways. Books about grief always do. However, the one that hit me the most was actually the story about her abortion at the age of 19. I didn’t have an abortion; it was never an option in my head or heart even though I’m pro-life. I knew, when I saw the two pink lines, that I would have a baby. I didn’t know I would relinquish her, but I knew she would come to be.

But there was a part in Claire’s recollection of her abortion that let me know we are all not so very different.

Mother dies at eighteen.

Abortion at nineteen.

It’s as though I don’t have a choice.

But we always have choices.

It won’t be until over a decade later, when I am well into the actual world of parenthood, frazzled and overwhelmed with love and impatience for the tiny creature I have created, that I will realize that if I had actually had a baby at age nineteen it might have been the very thing that would have kept me from the years and years of misery and destruction ahead of me.

I firmly believe that the Munchkin pushed me down another fork in the road, away from the misery and self-loathing that I was knee deep in at the time. I experienced a whole different world of misery and self-loathing and grief, but I was absolutely determined to stay on the straight and narrow path because I wanted my daughter to be proud of me someday. She changed me. She changed my path in life. And I am forever grateful.

You can read more about The Rules of Inheritance at The BlogHer Book Club.

This is a paid review for BlogHer Book Club but the opinions expressed are my own.

But every once in awhile, a novel will throw a few points at me, a few quotable passages, that make me think about my life in different ways… about myself in different ways. The Weird Sisters may very well be a fictional account of three sisters who “go back home.” And, if I may step off of my train of thought for a second, the book made me simultaneously sad and happy that I was never blessed with a sister. We might have killed one another. I’ll take my stinky brother any day. Back on track, the book may have been about three sisters. It may have been an enjoyable, quick read. It may very well sit atop my list of favorite 2012 books; it’s only mid-February, so there’s time left to see.

But it was also a book that wasn’t of the self-help variety that made me question myself, how I view myself and if I’m doing it all wrong. Or right. Or something in the middle.

The passage that caught my breath comes somewhere near the end. You don’t need the back story to appreciate it for what it says:

“We all have stories we tell ourselves. We tell ourselves we are too fat, or too ugly, or too old, or too foolish. We tell ourselves these stories because they allow us to excuse our actions, and they allow us to pass off the responsibilities for things we have done — maybe to something within our control, but anything other than the decisions we have made.”

Gut punch much?

I don’t own highlighters anymore, so I got out colored pens and underlined it, multiple times in some places. I recognized myself in that paragraph; the excuses I make for not being organized or not writing that book or being late or being fat or not being myself or yelling at my kids or my anxiety or, the elephant in the room, my daughter.

So not only did I take away a lovely reading experience from this novel, but I took away this great big thought. I don’t quite know what to do with it or where to put it or even how I feel about it, but it has stuck with me in the days since I finished reading and I feel as if it will stick with me for quite some time.

For more about The Weird Sisters, check out the BlogHer Book Club discussion.

This is a paid review for BlogHer Book Club but the opinions expressed are my own.

I didn’t even want to try on the wedding dress I wore as I walked down the aisle. My mom picked it out, which knocked it completely out of my desire-range. I tried on the other four that I had picked out in our first pass of Henri’s, and they weren’t right. I put on the dress my Mom had grabbed. And it was the one.

I have fun memories of picking out my wedding dress with my Mom. I remember teasing my husband that he would need to stop drinking at our reception a few hours before he wanted to get me out of it, as it was rather complicated. I remember seeing his face. I remember feeling like a princess.

But I was aware, even then, that our marriage was more than my wedding dress. Or even the wedding.

We didn’t have an expensive wedding. We did have a big wedding because my family is rather large. But we didn’t go into debt to host our own wedding. We had a lovely day, I promise you that. We were just aware that we wanted more than just one day. We wanted a lifetime.

A few people made jokes this year, as we celebrated our seventh anniversary, that we should beware that old “seven year itch.” I was pleased when The Magic Room let me know that the largest number of divorces now occur in the fourth year. We’re safe! Not that we’ll stop trying, working on things and through things, as the book states.

I did not appreciate the commentary and underlying judgment that those women who want a white dress, even though they already have a child, are somehow in the wrong. Considering the Munchkin was at my wedding, and I was most certainly wearing white, I felt this part of the book and the discussions about what is and is not right when it comes to marriage and family and children was just way too off base.

When it comes down to it, The Magic Room might be a great gift to hand to a woman who is just recently engaged and is looking for a dress. But, as a note, there is a love that mothers also wish for their sons, and it’s more than what’s in a dress or a wedding celebration.

When I told my husband we were going to review the new Bounce Dryer Bar, he looked at me with one of those undecided type looks. For some families, it wouldn’t matter what kind of look a husband gave to a wife about a laundry product, but in our house, we share the laundry load (pun intended). We pretty much split it 50/50, as we both have fluctuating (and increasingly crazy) schedules.

As such, we make joint decisions about laundry products. He wasn’t skeptical about the Bounce Dryer Bar, just certain that our Bounce Dryer Sheets worked just fine. He’s from the “if it’s not broke, don’t fix it” camp. I’m from the “ooh, shiny” camp. We make a good team. We kind of balance each other out. I want to try new things, he gives me the look, we try them anyway.

Installing the Bounce Dryer Bar in the dryer was quite simple: Peel off the back, stick it in the dryer. Voila! No more forgetting the dryer sheets. I thought I was super smart when I installed it by the way, as you’re supposed to clean off the section where you want to install the bar. So I did a load of brand new towels and cleaned off the place where I was installing. Time saving, clean feeling, fresh, soft, static free towels came out of the dryer later that day.

My husband is now convinced, as am I. We enjoy the smell; we got the Outdoor Fresh scent. The family took turns passing around the Bounce Dryer Bar and just sniffing it. It’s not “floral,” just very clean. In a house of boys, clean smelling is preferable. And those towels really were nice and soft when I pulled them out of the dryer. We also have sensitive skin issues in our house, and not one person has had any adverse reactions. I think we’re sold on this time-saving little bar. Check out their Facebook page for more info.

I’m happy to be giving away a $50 Visa gift card and a Bounce Dry Bar from Bounce and BlogHer, so you can try it out as well. It’s simple to enter. Just leave a comment on this post telling me your WORST LAUNDRY STORY EVER before December 6, 2011. We all have one. Mine was in college and involved an ink pen in my pocket. Woe.

Here’s all the official stuff. Don’t forget you can contact me if you have questions.

Rules:

• No duplicate comments.
• You may receive (2) total entries by selecting from the following entry methods:
• a) Leave a comment in response to the sweepstakes prompt on this post
• b) Tweet about this promotion and leave the URL to that tweet in a comment on this post
• c) Blog about this promotion and leave the URL to that post in a comment on this post
• d) For those with no Twitter or blog, read the official rules to learn about an alternate form of entry.
• This giveaway is open to US Residents age 18 or older.
• Winners will be selected via random draw, and will be notified by e-mail.
• You have 72 hours to get back to me, otherwise a new winner will be selected.

The Official Rules are available here.

For more opportunities to win, visit the Bounce round-up page on BlogHer.com to read other bloggers’ reviews!

This photo illuminates all of the reasons that I hate store bought costumes:

“Why Luigi, what a big rack you have!” “All the better to smash bricks with???”

Let me tell you the number of things wrong with these costumes.

1. The bellies don’t adjust very well as the velcro is in ridiculously stupid places. Hence Luigi’s large chest that’s supposed to be a belly. Thankfully BigBrother hasn’t really noticed or cared. However, I’m either going to have to deflate the bellies even a bit more (these were not fully blown up) or nix them completely so that the boys can wear warmer clothes under their costumes. It’s supposed to be a bit chilly both evenings we’re going trick-or-treating. The boys already know this is a possibility and they’re okay with it, though they think the bellies are hilarious. Which, they are. Especially BigBrothers, RIGHT?!

2. They’re too small in general. I ordered two costumes in sizes that should have fit according to the website. However, when the costumes arrived, the packaging also listed an “age range,” and when I held them up, yep, they’re small. They’ll “do” for now (and are just barely long enough without the bellies), but please don’t look at the length and judge me as a bad Halloween mom. It’s not my fault the website didn’t find it important to share the length of the costume, just the weight guidelines. (Note to costume websites: My kids weigh less but are just fine height wise. Weight does me no good.) This reason is why you cannot see their feet in any of these photos. Of note: They’re wearing their black rainboots up and under their pant legs, which will at least be warm and dry.

3. Please don’t get me started on the texture.

4. The mustaches are ridiculous. I mean, sure, they’re cute in these pictures, but the sticky stuff on the back? Covers the WHOLE back of the mustache. Left to right, top to bottom. That means that LittleBrother, who has a smaller face/head and the downward facing Mario mustache, has sticky stuff all the way past his mouth and down onto his chin. That causes the mustache to stick to his chin, thus blocking his entire mouth. Very safe, let me tell you. We’re sticking some paper to the back of it so he can, you know, breathe out of his mouth, but the paper is then annoying to a small child. I predict mustache abandonment in less than a hour.

5. I know the gloves are supposed to be big for humor’s sake, but LittleBrother’s are far too big – to the point that the can’t grab things while wearing them. (So yes, if you’re keeping track: the costume is too small but the mustache and gloves are too big. Sizing fails all over the place.)

And on and on and on.

I originally said I wanted to make the boys’ Mario and Luigi costumes. And then life got in the way and I remembered how poorly I sew while trying to complete another task. I looked longingly at some homemade, fantastic Mario and Luigi costumes on Etsy — my favorite being the fireball variations with the red and green overalls — but I couldn’t justify the price. Maybe I should have, as my sons love to dress up and they could have gotten a lot of use out of high quality, well-fitting costumes that they loved. Hindsight; she’s a … well, she’s something. Even still, I was going to make some really cute bags for trick-or-treating, but Halloween is in five days and it’s just not going to happen.

The good news is that the boys love their costumes. And they loved them last year. And the year before. But they year before that, let’s face it: they were really dang cute. I will never be as talented with a sewing machine as my grandmother. My children will have to suck it up in store bought costumes and I will have to let go of the dream of the perfect Halloween. Besides, they’ll go trick-or-treating (twice, mind you). They’ll have fun. They’ll be pleased with their costumes. They’ll get candy. The world will keep turning.

Quite honestly, that sounds pretty darn perfect to me. Not quite Martha Stewart, but pretty darn perfect.

And, oh, do I love the book. It’s on my Top 10. (I don’t know where in my Top 10 as they fluctuate with season, but it’s there.)

I laughed at so many of the “tips” from the (fictional though fact-based) “How to Be an American Housewife guidebook” that Shoko was given after she married an American GI and left Japan. For example, my husband has type A blood, but I am type O. Apparently we should not have married. One line that made me snort water out my nose was this one, “In the majority of instances, working outside the home is frowned upon. If your husband wanted to have an independent, working woman, he would have married an American.” I told my husband that’s where he went wrong; he didn’t go far enough away to get a “good” wife. He then gave me “the look.” Oh well.

Other things made me catch my breath or feel any number of emotions. When Shoko yelled at her daughter (Sue) when Sue spilled something as Shoko taught her how to cook… I felt kind of guilty. Have I done that? Have I not been patient enough? Maybe. Maybe not. But my heart broke even more when Shoko showed up with Sue at the science fair and realized that they didn’t have the “right kind” of display. How was she supposed to know without being told? It made me realize how much we take for granted, having been born and raised in this country. We understand the idiosyncrasies of school — even if those same idiosyncrasies drive us crazy.

There’s just so much more I love about this book. I won’t bore you with all of it as I could gush for hours, but the underlying story is one that shouldn’t be skipped. It’s a must-read.

You can learn more at the BlogHer Book Club and join in some great discussions. And yes, if you live near me, you can borrow my copy. Just give it back. It’s honestly a top fave!

PS: I would have failed the guidebook had I been assimilating after marrying and moving. Like whoa. I’m a bit too … me.

There. I said it. I feel better.

Except that I don’t feel better. Not really.

The most recent menu that my oldest son brought home from his elementary school is somewhat appalling. I’m thankful for two things: 1) That our family is financially secure enough that we can send BigBrother to school with a packed lunch every day, and 2) That peer pressure hasn’t yet stepped in and caused him to want to buy his lunch. (Also, with his texture issues and food aversions he has informed me that he has absolutely no desire to eat any of what he has seen thus far. Not even the school pizza. Whew.)

But being able to avoid the problem doesn’t mean that the problem doesn’t exist. We’re fortunate… and not every family is as fortunate as we are. I know that, and it makes me sad that we — as a society, not just my local and surrounding school districts — don’t seem to care more about the nutrition our kids are getting in our schools. I feel ill-equipped to fight this fight myself as I’m fighting issues on other fronts, but I do appreciate the sentiment and challenges brought forth by those who do have the time to take this issue head on.

Read an excerpt from Lunch Wars at the BlogHer Book Club right now. This is probably my favorite point in general (and makes me feel better about what we’re doing at home as well!).

[Myth] Kids need choices so they can learn to make good choices. Offering children unhealthy foods and drinks at school contradicts what they are taught about good nutrition and sends a mixed message. Why shouldn’t all the choices be good choices? We don’t ask kids if they’d rather have recess or math! Limiting choices, especially in the younger grades, helps kids develop a taste for good food, and good eating habits. When kids choose soda, candy, and junk food instead of eating a meal, they don’t get the nourishment they need to learn properly.

And feel free to join in the discussions even if you haven’t read the book. Talk about your school lunches, your kids’ school lunches and other important topics.

I’m not that great with change. It makes my anxiety sky rocket. But since 2006, my professional life has been all about change. The initial change of leaving the broadcasting newsroom to work and write from home was big and scary. In 2009, I went back to a newspaper newsroom and in early 2011, I left again. All of these decisions were right for me, for my family, each and every time I made them. I was also slow (sometimes too slow) and deliberate (sometimes too deliberate) in my decision making. But even though they were right, they were still ridiculously scary.

I panicked about what would happen if my leaving any given job would result in financial hardship for my family. I didn’t (and don’t) have the resources that Dominique Browning had when she was let go from Conde Nast. I don’t have a second home that I can sell. But like Dominique, I have to imagine that if the worst case employment scenario ever landed in our laps, we’d be smart too. We made the budget changes when I made that initial decision to come home and have lived well within our means since.

But I can’t help that feel this book would have made the transition a lot less scary back then.

For more about Slow Love check out the BlogHer Book Club.

This was a paid review for BlogHer Book Club but the opinions expressed are my own.

You see, I loved Transformers when I was young. I had this blue helicopter that was awesome. It was also easy to transform. I could do it by myself. Transformers nowadays? I cannot transform, let alone BigBrother… and especially not LittleBrother. So, we’ve been holding off on them for awhile though a few have made their way into the house via gifts.

These toys are made for the younger set. One move and the object is transformed. Hooray!

Bonus? That fire truck is awesome. High five, Playskool!

Here’s how it looks as a fire truck.

And here’s how it looks after you transform it into Heatwave the Fire Bot.

When I got home from San Diego, I also found out that they have a Fire Station. Check out the commercial; that fire station looks awesome. Oh yeah! It’s $49.99, so I think we’ll throw in the Optimus Prime Transformer and this firefighter guy with the fire truck and station and call it his BIG GIFT this year. From us, that is, because who knows what he’ll ask Santa for when it comes time. They never ask Santa for big gifts, amusingly. Last year LittleBrother asked for a (noisy, noisy, noisy) fire truck and BigBrother asked for a monster truck Lightning McQueen. Awesome.

I’m just excited about these because I know the boys will also be excited. And for those who think it’s too early to talk Christmas presents, I’ve already started shopping. With the boys’ birthdays in November, Munchkin’s birthday in December, our anniversary the following week and then Christmas the following week, I have to be on my game. Last year I waited too long and my anxiety was high because I wasn’t done before November. This year? Game on.

It Suits You is an Etsy store run by my friend’s mom. She makes some pretty unique stuff, but the thing that caught my eye? Stockings made out of old neckties. That’s right. Upcycled ties turned into useable Christmas stockings. Don’t believe me?

Love it. Absolutely love it. In fact, living in a house of all men, I think those ties would be quite appropriate for our little Christmas display. Maybe I should send her a bunch of ties with fire trucks and the like. (Pause while I form an idea in my head. Anyway…)

They look really cute hanging all together.

She currently has nine tie-stockings in stock as well as a tie purse (!) and a few tie wallets. (And some other bags. But we’re talking fancy-pants ties here!)

I am in love with this concept. Not only is it unique, fun, colorful and awesome, but it combines the “green” element that so many are striving for this holiday season. Instead of sending the ties to the landfill, they’re now transformed into something you can use. Not finding what your friends want on any green gift guides? This may be the answer, especially for eco-conscious families with children who may or may not be boys. The stockings themselves aren’t gender specific, but if there’s a little girl rocking a mean Princess streak, this may not be the best year to go hip and trendy.

Whatever the case, these one-of-a-kind stockings are only $27.00 and shipping is free. As an aside, the store owner lives in Ohio, so it would be a quick ship to any of my Ohio readers! Hooray for quick ship!