I am not in pain every moment of everyday anymore.
My back has been improving. A recent follow-up visit with the neurosurgeon was encouraging as he feels my improvements mean we can continue to stave off back surgery for the time being. I may move toward epidural injections for the pain, but he’s hopeful that surgery is not on my calendar for 2012.
Moreover, I was released from Physical Therapy recently.
I have been working hard since the beginning of the year to do what I can to help heal my back. Some of that has involved making better food choices as the weight gain from the injury and lack of movement were only further exacerbating the pain and the problem. Some of it has been being strong and pushing through the pain, both at Physical Therapy and in my other activities. Almost all of it has been reminding myself that this is worth it, that the alternative — not doing anything — is worse than the pain of trying to get better.
I do have to admit that when they stopped asking me “What did you do to your back,” and started using the word “degenerative,” I didn’t feel any more hopeful about the situation at hand. Degenerative? In my early 30′s? It was only going to get worse? Swell. I moped for awhile, but I can only mope for so long.
I tied my shoes and started walking.
The move to the new house has been good for walking. I started with a very small loop of our development. Then I did a bigger loop. Then I walked the whole development. Then I walked the whole development and out to the parking lot of the church on the road leading out of our development. Then I walked to the part of that road where it starts to go down a big hill. Then I walked down the hill to the creek at the bottom. Then I crossed the bridge. Then I walked to the bend in the road. Then, today, I walked from the bend, clear out through a field, to the next bend in the road.
And then on back home.
Today I walked 2.42 miles.
I had a couple of twinges of pain, mostly near the end when I felt tired, forgot my posture and started to slump. I will say that this degenerative back has improved my posture greatly because it physically hurts to slump. Silver lining to everything.
As I started up that hill from the creek bed, I thought about how far I have come since last year.
I couldn’t have walked that hill last summer. I’m not sure I could have walked it a few months ago.
Almost all of it has felt like an uphill battle. Enduring pain is one thing. Working through it is another. There have been days that I didn’t want to go to Physical Therapy. There have been days that I didn’t even want to get out of bed. Even now with all of my improvements, my back is stiff and tired in the morning. It takes physical exertion to push myself upright, to put my feet on the floor and stand up straight. And that’s before coffee. But I keep doing it.
Because at the top of this hill, there will be a reward.
Today it was a flower that I grabbed right before I hit the top of the hill.
But there are other rewards waiting for me. Like finishing a 5K with friends. Like getting back to yoga. Like chasing my kids around the yard this summer with water guns — since I couldn’t last summer. Like feeling like myself again.
I know that there will be some more pain as I continue to heal. I know that this is not the top of the hill, that there are more uphill battles to come. But I am just so dang happy to be walking up the dang hill. I’ll take this feeling over what I felt last year — and I’m speaking both physically and mentally.
Bring on those hills.
