Book Review: Adopted Ed

I have been working pretty hard to bring in casual references of adoption to our family discussions, whether I’m specifically mentioning the Munchkin — the daughter I relinquished for adoption — or mentioning a recent news story that has a positive angle in some way or another (reunion, positive reform, open adoption awareness) or the books that I borrow from the library or purchase for our family. That’s why when One2One Network asked if I wanted to review Adopted Ed by Darren Maddern and illustrated by Erin Fusco, I said yes.

The books we own are never specifically written for our family; the biological, relinquishing family dealing with the fallout of adoption on this side. However, I have learned to be okay with that as we have kept an open dialogue going about how we — me, my husband and our sons — each feel about adoption and missing the Munchkin at any given time. That’s why I feel it is important to have a wide array of books available to them about adoption as a whole — whether that’s about international adoption, domestic adoption, foster-to-adopt and so on.

Adopted Ed is about a boy who was adopted at birth. The book starts out with Ed being born — and flashes back to an in utero moment when the “decision” was made that “by new parents” he would be raised. (The book rhymes, which I actually think detracts from this specific story, but I understand the concept of rhyming leading to kids’ learning. So I’ll ignore it this time.) That’s all we get to see about the heart-wrenching, emotionally-debilitating decision to relinquish little Ed to new parents. That kind of bothers me as a birth mother. But it’s also not the “point” of this book, so I decided to let it slide.

We then see Ed growing up like any other child. Happy and loved. I like this part because it lets my kids know that while their sister may be growing up in a different house, she’s living life just like we are. She’s happy and loved.

Then comes an important point in the story for our family: Ed is teased for being adopted. I have vague recollections of teasing my brother as a child, saying he was so weird that he must be adopted. I had no idea how that would come back to bite me later in life. Anyway, I want my children to know that teasing people because they are different is never okay. More importantly, as they grow, they might be teased because their sister doesn’t live with them. That’s also not okay. Our family may be unique but that doesn’t make us “wrong” or bad in any sense. I don’t think I agree with Ed yelling at the kid who teased him that his parents were “stuck with him,” especially coming from the perspective of a birth mother raising other children trying to teach them the ins and outs of why I couldn’t parent their sister but could parent them. I don’t ever, ever, ever want them to think that I was “stuck” with them. I understand the concept of trying to bolster the adoptee’s self esteem, but I don’t think that teaching kids to make fun of others in retaliation is appropriate.

Later we get to watch as Ed finally feels “a slight void.” Big kudos for taking this book to “that” place. The author even dares to use the words “real mom and dad.” That’s usually a big no-no in adopt-o-land, adoptive parents demanding their real-ness. Well, I’m not fake either. I do wish that Ed would have had an open adoption; after all, this is 2010! But the fact that his parents answered his questions without “feeling hurt or sad” is an important part of this story. Kudos on that one.

I think this book will remain in our library and could be valuable when my sons start asking more questions about adoption, the process of relinquishment, why their sister lives somewhere else, two parent home issues and all that jazz. I don’t think it is the be-all-and-end-all of all childrens’ books on adoption, but that’s mainly because I am well aware that there is no one book that will help a child — adopted, birth sibling or otherwise untouched — understand the specifics of their own story. That comes from an open discourse between parents and children. The fact that this book was written hopefully shows that parents have stepped beyond the secrecy and shame that used to accompany adoption — on all sides of the triad — and are actively working together in the best interest of the child.

That’s all I can hope for in my family!

(As an aside, the author is adopted and in the information we received, he dedicated this book to both his adoptive and biological parents. Pardon me while I wipe a tear. Love it!)