Stop, Drop and Blog

I wrote about how we, as parents, can teach our kids about 9/11 on BlogHer this week. I shared the list of books that we own and read regularly. I shared a great round up of posts from around the blogosphere of other parents sharing their tips, ideas and advice for how to share with and teach our children about that day. I cannot count the number of sites that advised parents to avoid showing their children the coverage of that day.

FireDad and I chose not to heed that advice.

The two of us were watching some documentary coverage on the National Geographic channel when BigBrother came upstairs after his computer time expired. He began talking immediately, but paused in front of the television. The timeline of events had brought us up to the collapse of the towers at that point; the rolling smoke and ash, the rumble, the whoosh. BigBrother was silent, which is shocking in and of itself.

Finally, he spoke. “Mommy, what was that? Was it a tornado?”

“Well, no, Buddy. Remember the books we’ve read, like Fireboat, about those big buildings? Do you remember what happened?”

“Yeah. Planes hit them.”

“Yes. And then what happened.”

“They caught on fire.”

“Yes. And then what happened?”

“They fell down.”

“Yes. What you just saw was video of the buildings falling down that day.”

At this point, LittleBrother had wandered upstairs from the playroom, looking for his brother. He listened to our conversation as he stared at the screen. As soon as he heard Fireboat, he went to get the book from his room. The book is “well-loved” now; a page is ripped, the corners are bent back, the spine won’t last forever. LittleBrother turned to the page where the buildings are crumbling.

“See. Like this, Mommy.”

“Yes, Bubba.”

FireDad and I exchanged looks when BigBrother walked into the room; an unstated question passing between us. “Do we let him watch this? Is this okay?” There was an imperceptible nod, an understanding. Yes, we would let him. And when his brother came upstairs, we would let him as well. Maybe it’s because we’ve been reading these books for years. Maybe it’s because I have involved them when we pay tribute to those who lost their lives. Maybe it’s because they know the significance of the number “343.” Maybe it’s because we don’t shield them from the news about tornadoes or hurricanes or bus accidents or what have you. Maybe it’s because BigBrother is crazy interested in the world, in what is happening, in the why of it all. But they weren’t upset. They weren’t angry. They asked their questions, they compared the footage with their books, and then they asked for dinner.

Life went on.

If the footage had been focused on those who were jumping from the World Trade Center that day, I might have changed the channel. It’s one thing for them to understand planes hit a building and people died. It’s another thing to have to explain giving up hope and letting go. But I feel okay with letting them watch those majestic towers fall, to see the ash cover everything, people running away from the cloud, the firefighters standing among the wreckage.

Like most parenting decisions, I can’t and won’t really ever know if that was the right decision. They haven’t brought it up again, though I think they may after we attend the 9/11 memorial on Sunday morning. I’ll answer their questions with the reminder that I always give them after a big scary topic: “Mommy and Daddy will do whatever we can to keep you safe.” I’m not telling your family to do it our way, I’m just simply sharing what happened… not on purpose, but kind of by default like most of the “stuff” of parenting.

And I have hope that after FireDad and I leave this Earth, our sons will remember and teach their children as well.