We honored their memory today. We remember them always.

We Honor is a post from Stop, Drop and Blog. Want more of Stop, Drop and Blog? Like our page on Facebook! If you have questions, contact me or hit me up via twitter.

FireDad and I chose not to heed that advice.

The two of us were watching some documentary coverage on the National Geographic channel when BigBrother came upstairs after his computer time expired. He began talking immediately, but paused in front of the television. The timeline of events had brought us up to the collapse of the towers at that point; the rolling smoke and ash, the rumble, the whoosh. BigBrother was silent, which is shocking in and of itself.

Finally, he spoke. “Mommy, what was that? Was it a tornado?”

“Well, no, Buddy. Remember the books we’ve read, like Fireboat, about those big buildings? Do you remember what happened?”

“Yeah. Planes hit them.”

“Yes. And then what happened.”

“They caught on fire.”

“Yes. And then what happened?”

“They fell down.”

“Yes. What you just saw was video of the buildings falling down that day.”

At this point, LittleBrother had wandered upstairs from the playroom, looking for his brother. He listened to our conversation as he stared at the screen. As soon as he heard Fireboat, he went to get the book from his room. The book is “well-loved” now; a page is ripped, the corners are bent back, the spine won’t last forever. LittleBrother turned to the page where the buildings are crumbling.

“See. Like this, Mommy.”

“Yes, Bubba.”

FireDad and I exchanged looks when BigBrother walked into the room; an unstated question passing between us. “Do we let him watch this? Is this okay?” There was an imperceptible nod, an understanding. Yes, we would let him. And when his brother came upstairs, we would let him as well. Maybe it’s because we’ve been reading these books for years. Maybe it’s because I have involved them when we pay tribute to those who lost their lives. Maybe it’s because they know the significance of the number “343.” Maybe it’s because we don’t shield them from the news about tornadoes or hurricanes or bus accidents or what have you. Maybe it’s because BigBrother is crazy interested in the world, in what is happening, in the why of it all. But they weren’t upset. They weren’t angry. They asked their questions, they compared the footage with their books, and then they asked for dinner.

Life went on.

If the footage had been focused on those who were jumping from the World Trade Center that day, I might have changed the channel. It’s one thing for them to understand planes hit a building and people died. It’s another thing to have to explain giving up hope and letting go. But I feel okay with letting them watch those majestic towers fall, to see the ash cover everything, people running away from the cloud, the firefighters standing among the wreckage.

Like most parenting decisions, I can’t and won’t really ever know if that was the right decision. They haven’t brought it up again, though I think they may after we attend the 9/11 memorial on Sunday morning. I’ll answer their questions with the reminder that I always give them after a big scary topic: “Mommy and Daddy will do whatever we can to keep you safe.” I’m not telling your family to do it our way, I’m just simply sharing what happened… not on purpose, but kind of by default like most of the “stuff” of parenting.

And I have hope that after FireDad and I leave this Earth, our sons will remember and teach their children as well.

I Let Them Watch Coverage of 9/11 is a post from Stop, Drop and Blog. Want more of Stop, Drop and Blog? Like our page on Facebook! If you have questions, contact me or hit me up via twitter.

343 who will never again hug their spouses, their mothers.

343 who won’t ever tuck their kids in at night; some of whom never met those children.

343 who had no idea what was going to unfold that day when they went to work, to do their job, not to be a part of history or be brave and heroic and be the stuff of legends.

343 who live in our family’s heart and minds everyday, but especially on days like today.

343 who lived their lives like this:

“Firemen are going to get killed. When they join the department they face that fact. When a man becomes a fireman his greatest act of bravery has been accomplished. What he does after that is all in the line of work. They were not thinking of getting killed when they went where death lurked. They went there to put the fire out, and got killed. Firefighters do not regard themselves as heroes because they do what the business requires.”
-Chief Edward F. Croker, Firefighter Chief of Department, FDNY ((1899-1911), 1865-1951)

I won’t pretend to have the answers. I don’t. I won’t tell you how to feel; I don’t even know how I feel about what happened then and what has happened now. I do know that senseless hatred caused the death of 343 firefighters who were part our family. I know that eight years and one day ago, Bush proclaimed that the mission was accomplished… and the man of my dreams was able to come home and begin a life with me. I’ve been a military wife. I am a firefighter’s wife. I don’t have the answers.

But I will always remember.

[Though I don't have the answers, I encourage you to read Morgan's piece about all of this. I nodded. She said much of what I think, what I believe. I think, perhaps, she just made her upcoming-BlogHer-hug even bigger because of this piece. She's fantastic, even in the not-so-trivial stuff.]

343 is a post from Stop, Drop and Blog. Want more of Stop, Drop and Blog? Like our page on Facebook! If you have questions, contact me or hit me up via twitter.

A Widow’s Walk

“I lived through it once. I don’t want to read about it again.”

That’s why I felt it necessary to read the book, why I read books about that day to my children and teach them not only about the events but about peace. I’ve had a feeling of uneasiness leading up to today — to tomorrow — that we have forgotten. The recent hateful demonstration talk, whether it gets officially called off or not, makes me wonder if any of those people have sat with a widow and her son. I did for 424 pages, and I think we all should do the same.

Fontana’s memoir was not an easy read, though I figured as much before I made the purchase. September 11, 2001 was her eighth wedding anniversary with her husband Dave, a firefighter with Squad 1. He was getting off of his fire shift that morning. They talked on the phone and planned to meet at the local coffee shop after she dropped their son off at his second day of Kindergarten.

He never arrived.

The following journey is one we all know and, simultaneously, one the large majority of us have no idea about having not actually lived through the trial of waiting, wondering, realizing and mourning. I consider myself pretty well educated on the events of the day and the subsequent aftermath. I didn’t need Fontana to tell me the number 343. I knew some of the names from her husband’s squad. I knew about her work with the 9/11 Families Association.

But I didn’t know about the Fresh Kills dump and the issues they had with the “pit” being cleared too quickly and bodies being found there. I didn’t know that Squad 1 was almost shut down just two weeks after the attacks on the World Trade Center. I wasn’t hassled by my kid’s Kindergarten teacher about his attendance, his performance. I didn’t know about the fights between the police and the firefighters. I just didn’t know so much. At least once a chapter, I would look up, tears in my eyes, and read something aloud to my husband. He would nod, and I would go back to reading.

I will be honest: I didn’t read one chapter in this book in which I didn’t shed some kind of tear. Some chapters provided for full on sobbing, while others warranted just a drop or two on the page. As I said, it wasn’t an easy book. Like Fontana, I want to believe that here in the middle of Nowheresville, my firefighter husband is safe. I acknowledge the danger of running into burning buildings, but as a firefighter’s wife, I have to believe he’s going to be okay, that his crew will protect him and that the buildings simply won’t fall. As Fontana went through the grieving process while acting as an advocate for 9/11 families, she dealt with the same thought processes.

I’m passing this book on to my friends, not because they’re firefighter wives but because it is an extremely well-written book that taught me things about a subject I thought I knew a lot about… but apparently didn’t know everything. I don’t think we can know everything about 9/11. I recommend this book to all. But keep tissues handy.

I also bought a new book for the boys this year. September Roses is a small book in size and length. The story follows two sisters from Africa who arrive in New York City on 9/11 for the flower show. After the show is canceled and they are given lodging by a good Samaritan, they use their flowers to create a beautiful memorial of the towers.

The art is beautiful, though I do have a small complaint that the writing of the book is written in easy-to-read cursive… but it’s still cursive. Despite being on the cusp of reading, BigBrother won’t be able to read this book by himself for quite some time. That said, this book combined with Fireboat, On That Day and their ages brought about a lot of discussion about the World Trade Center, airplanes, firefighters and the like. Going with the lessons from On That Day, I’ve explained that sometimes people do bad things and people get hurt but the world is still a good place. We’ll be following everything up with Can You Say Peace? by Karen Katz.

I can read all the books. I can teach my children. I can force myself to remember. But I can’t change that part of our history. I can’t bring back those who were lost. I can’t fill the holes left in hearts, in families, in histories. And so I do my small part in all of this, however small, in hopes that my children will understand love and patience and respect and tolerance. I don’t have magic answers, but I will do my part to make sure our family never forgets.

If you’d like to participate in remembering, honoring or the education of our children, here are a few ideas.

• Visit Project 2996 which is dedicated to making sure that every person who lost their life on 9/11 has an online tribute still live on the Web. We participated last year, honoring Stephen Gordon Ward.
• Read through some of the ideas I shared at Mom Central Technology about using tech to safely teach kids about the events of 9/11.
• Participate in the Tunnel to Towers Run, honoring Firefighter Stephen Siller (also a Squad 1 firefighter). The run is not for two more weeks, but there are a number of 5K’s (and the like) this weekend sponsored by fire departments and others dedicated to the memory of those we lost nine years ago. Find one and either run or cheer on those who are running.
• Visit your local fire department with some cookies and simply offer a thanks.

Reading & Remembering 9/11 is a post from Stop, Drop and Blog. Want more of Stop, Drop and Blog? Like our page on Facebook! If you have questions, contact me or hit me up via twitter.

Our copy is kind of well-loved now. I just had to tape up one page with some packing tape due to a 3/4 page rip. The tips of the cover are curled. I don’t know if this book will last forever, but we’ll keep up with tape and general maintenance in hopes that it can be passed on to the next generation.

FireDad said to me last night, “Why didn’t you go and find the fireboats when you were in New York City?” I kind of blinked at him, tried to think of something witty to say and came up empty handed. “I don’t know. Good question. It would have been fun.” He has now decided that we need to make a trip specifically for fire boat spotting. I’m down with that idea.

I bought a new book to read with the boys this year, September Roses. I hope it’s as good as On That Day: A Book of Hope for Children which I’ve blogged about before. Add that to Fireboat and we have three age-appropriate books to keep the discussion going in our family… even when I don’t quite feel like keeping the discussion going myself. That said, I just ordered myself a book which I plan to read before 9/11 as well. Last year I read Bikeman, an epic poem, on September 11th. Hard, worthwhile, gut-punching read.

We’re giving away another copy of Fireboat this year. Leave a comment on this post about how you discuss the events of 9/11 with your children for a chance to win. This giveaway will be live through September 8th at 12 noon. I will contact the winner via email for shipping information and place the order direct through Amazon with two-day shipping in hopes that it arrives on time. You may share this giveaway on twitter for an extra entry, just be sure to leave a separate comment with your tweet link.

_
[Disclosure: I am paying out of pocket for this giveaway. However, links to books are through Amazon Associates.]

Fireboat: A Giveaway is a post from Stop, Drop and Blog. Want more of Stop, Drop and Blog? Like our page on Facebook! If you have questions, contact me or hit me up via twitter.

Stephen Gordon Ward was 33 when he died on September 11, 2001. 33. That’s young. Four and a half years older than me (now), Ward woke and went to work at Cantor Fitzgerald on a clear September morning. An accountant. An uncle. A brother. A son. He had just moved to Manhattan. I’m sure he felt like he was on top of the world as he made his way to the top floors of 1 World Trade Center, the floors that Cantor Fitzgerald occupied. 657 of his fellow employees died that day.

When I joined Project 2996 and was assigned to remember and honor Ward, I started Googling. The things people have said about him in various forums all over the web have stuck with me. From what I understand, he must have been a character, the kind of guy that could make you smile. His sister’s quote in the New York Times profile from November 16, 2001, posted here on Legacy.com, made me tear up.

“But to my younger sister, she’s the youngest, he was her big brother, he was a god. It’s interesting for the two of us, we have the two perspectives. For me, he’s a little kid, how could he be gone? For her, he’s the great big strong big brother, how could he be gone?”

Eight years later, words like these are important to me. To remind us of the humanity lost. We may have removed ourselves from the immediacy of the terror and the fear. But to remember that men like Ward were brothers, that they left behind confused sisters, well, it brings back the point of remembering. We don’t remember out of fear. We remember because they lived, they touched lives and they continue to live on in the hearts of friends, of family.

I didn’t know Stephen Gordon Ward. I didn’t even know on September 11th, 2001 that I would one day marry a soldier, a firefighter. I didn’t know that while reading Fireboat to my inquisitive three-and-half-year old eight years later that I would choke up and sniffle back some sobs only to be asked, “Mommy, why are you sad? Fireboat helped those people!” Fireboat did help those people. He’s right. But I wonder when my boys will understand. I wonder how I’ll ever be able to explain it properly. I do know that we, as a family, will say a prayer for Ward’s family tonight. I do know that we, as a family, will continue to participate in things like Project 2996 each year, honoring and remembering and learning.

Yesterday afternoon, I set up the easel on a sheet on the deck. I drew the lines of the flag with intention of having them paint with brushes. Then I couldn’t find the right paint and we did some finger-painting instead. We didn’t end up with flags. We do, however, have finger-painted tributes. I didn’t make them wear their firefighter helmets. They’ve been on non-stop. We just recently got a new firefighter costume and they’ve been wearing their helmets everywhere. It adds a certain something to these pictures, this visual tribute. I struggled with whether to share pictures on this tribute post of the boys with smiles on their faces. I then realized that if someone was remembering my family and our loss in such a great tragedy, I’d want more smiles than tears. And so we did.

I don’t know much about Stephen Gordon Ward. But I know that these two boys will be raised to respect and honor his life and his death just like those of the 2995 others who lost their lives on September 11, 2001. I may shed another tear or two today but I hope to raise my boys with little projects like these each year. They give me a reason to smile. I pray I can teach them a healthy balance between remembrance and living life, between laughter and tears. This year we send our smiles and tears, our hopes and our prayers to Stephen Gordon Ward’s family. We honor their loss, their grief and the lives that they continue living.

_
Please visit Project 2996 to read the tributes to the other lives lost on September 11, 2001. We, our family, will never forget.

The FireFamily Remembers Stephen Gordon Ward for #Project2996 is a post from Stop, Drop and Blog. Want more of Stop, Drop and Blog? Like our page on Facebook! If you have questions, contact me or hit me up via twitter.

343.

The number of firefighters that lost their lives seven years ago today. As I write this, at 8:08 am, they were just barely into their shift for the day. They had no idea. We had no idea. We were all so innocent. We were all so different.

343.

The number comes to me at times. I’ll see the numbers flash on my clock. And I’ll think of the names that I’ve happened to memorize or that have stuck with me over the years. Personal stories that I’ve heard. Images of a city that I once wanted nothing more than to live in, to be a part of; a city that changed forever.

343.

When I dwell on the huge loss the fire service felt that day, it gets under my skin and the worry starts to creep. I internalize it too much. I have to step back, recognize that my city is very different from New York and pray that my Husband is safe. I know that fire is fire is fire but I have to tell myself the differences or I won’t be able to keep my calm.

343.

To me, the number reminds me to love. Fiercely. And immediately. Nothing is guaranteed. The skyline above, taken on January 13, 2001, the last time I saw it in tact, was something I loved. I never expected it to change, to disappear. But it has. Lives are not guaranteed. We view firefighters as big and strong and constant. Nothing is guaranteed. Nothing.

343.

Tell someone today that you love them. Don’t put a qualifier on it. Don’t say I love when you x. I love your y. I love to z with you. Simply say, “I love you.” Mean it. Repeat it. And feel it to your core. 343 firefighters died seven years ago today. My guess is that they would have given anything to say “I Love You” one more time without a qualifier.

343.

Love. And never forget.

The Fire Family is sending love, in the most pure and simple manner, to those who lost loved ones on September 11, 2001. Not just the friends and families of the fallen 343 firefighters but to all those whose lives were changed, without warning, on a morning that started just like any other day. We stand in honor and respect. And we will never forget you.

Love Thursday: 343 is a post from Stop, Drop and Blog. Want more of Stop, Drop and Blog? Like our page on Facebook! If you have questions, contact me or hit me up via twitter.

The winner of a paperback copy of Fireboat is Heather from Production, Not Reproduction. I’ve just sent her the book with one day shipping via Amazon Prime. (Really! Only $3.99 for one day!) I’m sorry that I couldn’t send everyone who was interested in the book a copy but I really do encourage you to buy it.

And I need to tell you about two other great books about September 11th that were written for kids.

In fact, the first one was written by kids. September 12th: We Knew Everything Would Be All Right was written by first grade students. It focuses on the fact that while something bad happened, good things and normal everyday things happened the next day and will continue to happen. I read some negative reviews, focusing on the fact that the book “diminishes” the true horrors of 9/11. But remember that the audience is children and children need to be reassured that things are okay and things are going to be okay. We still love this book.

On That Day: A Book of Hope for Children by Andrea Patel is a book that also just joined our library. It is short. The sentences are brief and easy to understand. It talks about how bad things happen (tornadoes, as an example) and sometimes bad people do bad things on purpose (which even a three year old can understand). It then launches into the good things that we can do to help (sharing, caring). It ends with reassuring the child that they are a good thing in this world. This is another great book to add to your library. Once again, it is age appropriate in the fact that it doesn’t go into too much detail. It does use the word “died” but there are no graphic illustrations at all.

If you’re a book family like we are, you know the benefit of learning through books. These three books all together are a great way to introduce and spawn discussion on a very tough topic. If these books don’t appeal to you, keep looking. There are many options out there and I encourage you to do your research.

Fireboat Giveaway Winner & Two Other Books To Buy is a post from Stop, Drop and Blog. Want more of Stop, Drop and Blog? Like our page on Facebook! If you have questions, contact me or hit me up via twitter.

Fireboat: The Heroic Adventures of the John J. Harvey (2002) is a children’s book you have to pick up. Whether your children are too small right now to sit through a 48 page book or old enough to have a fuzzy memory of that fateful day, it is a must-add to your library.

As a Fire Family, using firefighter related stories to teach our children about important historic events is an easy route to go. However, it’s not just easy for those who are immediately touched by fire service. A large majority of children (and adults, for that matter) are fascinated by fire trucks, firefighters and fire life in general. Using a fire based story to teach about something as monumental as 9/11 is an easier way to teach a very, very tough subject.

Fireboat starts out in 1931 with the launching of the John J. Harvey fireboat. Not familiar with fireboats? That’s a shame. It’s pretty interesting if you start to research it. (I’m surprised that my River Pilot dad hasn’t ever talked this up to me.) Basically, fireboats put out fires on/near/around the river, including on piers. The John J. Harvey fireboat was “among the most powerful fireboats ever in service.” But she retired in 1994 and was sold, at auction, in 1999. So what the heck does this history lesson about an old boat have to do with 9/11?

A lot. Trust me.

The John J Harvey was purchased by a private group (of friends) interested in keeping her from being sold from scrap. They had her fixed up, repainted and she went back, happily, to the river. And then September 11th smashed into our lives. And the owners of the Harvey responded to the call. While no one ever expected the Harvey to ever help put out another fire, you must remember that the pipes around the World Trade Center were heavily damaged and broken. The Harvey, who initially began helping by ferrying people to safety, returned to the site where firefighters attached their hoses and began pumping water to put out the fire(s).

Now that you know the history, I have to tell you, the book is fascinating. Written on a child’s level, it’s a history lesson for an adult as well. I learned things that I didn’t previously know. And I learned them while being captivated by the illustrations of Maria Kalman. And by captivated I do mean awe-struck, inspired and generally struck-silent-while-simultaneously-reading-aloud. It’s seriously one of the better illustrated books that we now own.

BigBrother is currently loving this book which we have been reading, now, for a week and will continue reading through September 11th of this year. He asks questions like, “What’s that?” And my answer is, “The Statute of Liberty.” To hear him repeat me is heart-warming. We’ve learned lots of things about boats in general, firefighting in New York and, well, yes, 9/11. He knows, now, that two planes flew into two buildings and people got hurt. And, really, that’s about as age appropriate as it needs to be at this point. The book does not go into horribly graphic detail though it does mention that “lives were lost.” He also knows that Harvey helped the firefighters get water to put out the fire and that the boat was a hero. He “gets” putting out fires as that is what his Daddy does. And he thinks that being a hero is really awesome right now. And so, all in all, the book is a positive experience for him.

Do I cry when I read the next-to-last page? Yes. My eyes mist. I’m reminded of everything and everyone lost. I’m forced to deal, in a brief instant, how my own life changed in the aftermath of that awful day. But then BigBrother points, again, to the Statue of Liberty and he asks questions and through his wide, oh-so-innocent eyes, I am able to see hope again. I am able to keep reading, finish the book and say a prayer with my precious oldest son (while the younger one is usually crawling all over us).

Is there controversy surrounding reading a book with such a subject matter to children? I’m sure. But, I’ll be honest, I don’t subscribe to that kind of thought process. Unfortunately and fortunately all at the same time, our sons will be raised with the knowledge and understanding that nothing is really “safe” and that their Dad risks his life every time he heads to work. We’re big on historical learning here as we’re kind of nerdy (What? You didn’t know?) and our children will be raised with the knowledge that 9/11 changed lives. We will read books like these. We will answer questions as they occur. And we will teach our children about such things.

And you can have your chance as well. I’m having a SUPER SHORT GIVEAWAY for the paperback edition of Fireboat. It starts now (obviously) and will run through 8:00pm tonight. At that point, I’ll hit random.org for a winner, hit Amazon to order the book, select one-day shipping and have your book mailed directly to your door. One Day shipping is brought to you via Amazon Prime. (Only $3.99 for one day shipping. Two day is “free” with your membership.) It should make it to you no later than Wednesday, September 10th at that point and I’ll keep you updated with the tracking number and info. Since we’re doing this in such a short amount of time and considering you might not be available to contact at 8:00 tonight, we’re doing something different than the comment to enter type of giveaway.

TO ENTER: It’s past 8:00pm now on September 8, 2008 and the giveaway is now closed. Thank you. (Commenting does not enter you.) Winner to be announced shortly.

I hope that the winner (and those that choose to purchase the book after reading this post) will be moved by the story, the illustrations and their children’s innocent, genuine and thoughtful questions and discussion of the book. The Fire Family reviewed this book (which we purchased on our own) because we believe in the message and the concept. We will never forget.

Teach Your Kids About 9/11 Through Books (Giveaway) is a post from Stop, Drop and Blog. Want more of Stop, Drop and Blog? Like our page on Facebook! If you have questions, contact me or hit me up via twitter.