Stop, Drop and Blog

The fallout from the NY Times article by Jennifer Mendehlson is something I’d normally ignore. I try to let things pass because the drama fades after a day or so. I feel I need to say my peace, however, as I feel that personally attacking a large group of mothers shouldn’t be ignored. Troll antics or not, the author needs to know who she’s attacking.

I’m mostly confused as to why Mendehlson and others like her are continuing to beat the generational dead horse. Maybe this horse is slightly different but it’s still just a spawn of the dead horses we’ve beaten over the years. Go to work. Stay home. Stay home but work. And all the little issues and nuances in between those arguments. Over and over until we’re blue in the face, confused and fighting with one another. And the question has to be asked why women and mothers are actively seeking a community in which they feel as though they belong? Being attacked in such a manner usually makes people band together.

The other problem I’m having beyond the tired variation of the Mommy Wars being delivered by another mother is the point that we should actually be rejoicing in our mothers having interests, hobbies and even careers in something that they love. We are not mindless. We do not retire our interests, desires, hopes and dreams simply because we are parenting children. As long as these mothers can find moderation, they’re doing what we should all want for ourselves. We want our children to see us interested in something, to show them that they can have interests and be successful. Other examples include reading, scrapbooking, yoga and cooking to name a few. All of those things in moderation can be absolutely wonderful. They even have retreats and conferences for these hobbies. If Mama Jane Doe went to a weekend cooking class to better herself, have a good time with friends and generally enjoy herself, is Jennifer Mendelsohn going to write an article about how she’s ignoring their children? What about all weekend scrapbooking retreats? Are these now off limits? Should mothers forego their yoga class on Thursday nights? Should we quit reading all together?

These are silly questions, of course, because the nasty finger-pointing initiated by Mendelsohn was silly. Unless a Mom is saying, “I can’t feed you because I’m busy reading a book while in this inverted yoga pose that is helping me think about my blog more than you,” the issues as to time spent and validity of the hobby are neither Mendelsohn’s business nor mine.

Finding balance is hard for any mom. I think that’s one thing we struggle with no matter our career choices or hobbies. My recent and very part-time return to work brought about some negative reactions from both people online and in my real life. While they were few and far between, they still stung. The truth is this: if it came down to it, I’d choose my family over any job. More over, what Mendehlson is missing, if it came down to  it, I’d choose my family over my blog(s). I don’t know many moms who would choose their blog, their career or their various hobbies over their children. They probably exist but they’re also probably not the people we’re talking about right now.

I have found some great communities through blogging. Not only do I have a large number of people with whom I network and, you know, begin writing books with but I have support in other women and mothers. I have found healing through the adoption community and blogging at Chronicles has allowed me to find my peace. The fire, EMS and safety communities online are another great niche that have allowed me to learn about various things and help others learn, too. Mendehlson may think my communities are silly and time-wasting. I think using a large publication to essentially troll not just one but all mom bloggers is equally silly. The good news is, however, that the attack has banded us closer together and we’re feeling stronger than ever.

I am proud to be a Mother, a wife, a photographer, a freelance writer and, yes, even a Mother Who Blogs.