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For more Wordless Wednesday, visit 5 Minutes for Mom. As a Very Important side note, please pray for Anissa, a mom (and blogger) who had a stroke and is currently in the ICU.
Jul 022009
T-ball is over. Which is probably good as games were always on Thursdays and today, being a Thursday, is starting off rather cold and wet. BigBrother, however, is not really embracing the end of the season. I can’t blame him. I mean, look how happy he was to be taking t-ball pictures.
For two days after t-ball was over, trophies having been handed out, BigBrother wore his hat as he ran around the yard and ran errands with FireDad. I remember feeling that way as each of my softball seasons ended. Of course, our hats back in the day, except for my last year, were those horrible trucker type hats with the mesh back and the high front featuring the name of our sponsor. No, I won’t scan that for you, either.
I’m torn, however, with the ending of BigBrother’s first t-ball season. I know he loved playing but there are a few reasons that I’m glad this season is over.
Reasons that I’m glad t-ball is over:
1. The Mean Kid on the team will stop poking his forefinger in my BigBrother’s face on the field and knocking LittleBrother down on the sidelines. I know I can’t protect my kids from everything. (You know, they might want to be firefighters.) But when some mean, nasty kid gets in his face every. single. game., well, I get kind of peeved. At the very last game, the Mean Kid finally pushed LittleBrother with his glove. I wanted to cuss at the kid but, well, I don’t do that. I simply said, “Excuse me,” picked up LittleBrother and sat in my chair. Later, another Mom on the team gave me kudos for saying something. Apparently the Mean Kid didn’t just pick on my children. He was mean to all of them. (I don’t know if that made me feel better or worse.) He also spit on kids at the first game. Glad to be done with that… until next year… and hopefully the Mean Kid will be on some other poor kids’ team.
2. We can get away from the smoke. No, seriously. WHO SMOKES AT A T-BALL GAME? I mean, you’re not even allowed to smoke at PNC Park so why on Earth would you be allowed to smoke at a t-ball game? The ages of these children are three to six, depending on when they start(ed) Kindergarten. A large number of these children have younger brothers and sisters running around the sideline with happy little pink lungs. A surprisingly large number of the mothers were pregnant, gestating little lungs. But these smokers didn’t care. They didn’t walk to their cars to light up. They stood behind my chair, where my one and a half year old sat on my lap, and blew their nasty smoke over my head. UGH!
3. Playing guessing games with the weather. The constant, “Will it rain hard enough to cancel the game or can we get it in between the raindrops or, OMG! THUNDER! RUN!” got tiresome. Make-up games made for rescheduling of other things and busy weeks. I’m glad to be done with that as I prefer to know my schedule weeks in advance. What can I say? I don’t like change.
But, other than those things, we had a great season. It was a great experience for BigBrother. He found something that he really likes. He could really take or leave basketball. But t-ball? He throws the ball alone in our yard now, runs and gets it and then throws it to “first base,” yelling what he is doing the whole while. It’s adorable.
And that’s the main reason I’m sad that the season is over: BigBrother loved it. He mentioned t-ball just yesterday. We reminded him that t-ball was over now. “Don’t you remember getting your trophy.” His trophy, of course, is still sitting at his placemat on our kitchen table. It has to sit there, to be admired at breakfast, lunch, dinner and all table snacks. He nodded but his face fell a bit. We explained that he could play again next year but, really, what does a year mean to a three and a half year old? A cross between absolutely nothing and an eternity.
Again, I can’t say enough about the coaches, the experience. Hesitant at first, he was running the bases on his own by his last three or four games. He laughed when he would swing and miss, the missing becoming less of a normal occurrence in those last few games. He would also run for the ball and actively field it. He bonded with his coaches, understanding to listen to them. He didn’t always hustle on and off the field. He didn’t always like paying attention when he was on the field. (Lasering other kids and pretending to be a cross between Buzz Lightyear, Spiderman and a Transformer were other means of field standing entertainment. Would that be Buzz Spideformer?) He also deeply, truly and really loved getting ice cream cones after games. But, really, so did I. So did FireDad. LittleBrother, our lactose intolerant little buddy, however, was not as deeply moved by the after game tradition.
All in all, I’m thrilled with this recent organized sports experience. Minus the Mean Kid, the other kids on his team were great to and for BigBrother as well. BigBrother brought the entertainment value with his aforementioned Buzz Spideformer performances. I still don’t think we’ll be purchasing tiny cleats for next year (it’s community t-ball, folks, not the big leagues) but we may need to purchase LittleBrother’s glove soon so he’ll stop gunning for his brother’s glove.
I can handle this, by the way, being a T-ball Mom. I didn’t yell from the sidelines (except to tell him to leave the Mean Kid alone and keep his hands to himself). I did cheer and clap when he hit and ran but I never scolded. I won’t be that kind of T-ball Mom. But, really, this is much better than the squeaking shoes of basketball. Fresh air (minus the smoke), dog piles on the ball and laughter? Yes please!
Jun 092009
When I heard that Discovery Health was running Baby Week, I knew I had to get in on the fun… if you can call what I endured three separate times “fun.” Perhaps you can, as the joy of holding your baby often, not always, washes away the memory of the pain from just moments earlier. I don’t quite know if I’d label it as fun. Perhaps work with a purpose. Anyway, while we’re currently done having children, many friends, both in real life and in blog-land, are expecting babies. First babies, second babies, third babies and so on! I’m excited for my friends and, as such, I wanted to pass on the things I learned from all three of my live births.
The theme for this year’s Baby Week is: Behind every baby is an unbelievable story. Well, yes. We have that going on here. Read on.
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My first baby, a girl, was placed for adoption at birth. At birth is always a deceptive phrase to be attached to the process of newborn domestic adoption as she wasn’t taken home by her parents until the mandatory 72 hours had passed. Her parents were, however, present as she made her way into the world. My Mother and I were sure to call them when we arrived at the hospital in the middle of the night and assured that, yes, my water had broken at 38 weeks, 2 days and I hadn’t simply wet myself. Always good to know.
Getting to that delivery room, however, was the longest journey of my life. At 18 weeks gestation, I was admitted to the hospital where I underwent a battery of tests. It was confirmed that I had a kidney disorder which was complicating the pregnancy. At that time, I had one surgery, followed by another in the 30th week. I was placed on bed rest in that 18th week, and, unable to work and save money for the child I had been planning on parenting, I panicked. I turned to the first adoption agency I found (who turned out to be unethical, sadly) and moved forward with what I thought was my only available option. Not counseled on anything regarding available assistance or how to make it work, I believed that this was the right option. Hindsight changes things somewhat but, in the end, I have to believe that this is what was meant to be for the lot of us.
Back to the delivery room, I was greeted with a nurse who didn’t care for birth mothers, a staff who couldn’t be forced to read my file and, as such, gave me a lecture about the absence of my daughter’s biological father and a brand new resident doctor who didn’t know how to either do an episiotomy or properly stitch it. The entire process was somewhat of a blurry nightmare. I did get to spend some time with my daughter while in the hospital, though not as much as I would have if the staff had remained appropriately unbiased.
Things I learned from this delivery process:
- You can never know too much about the delivery process but you can know too little.
- If it can go wrong, it will go wrong.
- Everyone has an opinion and, man, they’re willing to share it with you.
- Hospitals are not adequately prepared for open adoption scenarios. At all.
Safely delivered into the world, I had to remake the decision that I had settled upon while she was still in my womb. I made the best decision I could have made with the information I had at the time and decided to place her into the loving arms of the people she now knows as mom and dad. We are blessed to have a fully open adoption. The last of the four things I learned during this experience has lead me to push for ethical adoption reform in our country which does include preparing hospitals for such events. You can read more about our story at The Chronicles of Munchkin Land.
I took the things that I learned during that first delivery with me into the future. After I got married, my Husband (fondly known here as FireDad) and I decided to try to conceive very early in our marriage. Due to the kidney disorder discovered while pregnant with my daughter, we did not know exactly how long my health would hold out. After four months of trying, we were happy to find out that our first child was on the way. Another tumultuous pregnancy found me in the hospital multiple times. I experienced everything from a subchorionic hemorrhage to the complications brought about by my kidney disorder once again. Eventually, one of my kidneys decided to shut down at 38 weeks, 4 days. I gained nine pounds in less than a week, had a urine dip test positive for protein and had a blood pressure that had my doctor sending me straight to the hospital to be induced. I was hypertensive and signs pointed to pre-ecclampsia. Great! With my history, my doctor didn’t waste a second. Induction. Immediately.
I will say, point blank, that the induction process was a million times worse than the nastiness brought about by the previous hospital’s staff. It wasn’t the fault of my nurses or the doctor; they were all equally supportive and wonderful. However, pitocin is likely made by the Devil himself. The contractions I experienced while in labor with my daughter and all through the pregnancy with this son paled in comparison to the pain that ripped through my body when they started the Evil Drip coursing through my body. I broke at one point, unable to focus or concentrate and demanded an epidural. This, of course, slowed things down even more and probably worked against me in the end. While pushing, my large-headed, wide-shouldered oldest son got kind of wedged. Things became kind of scary as he suddenly registered a temperature, as did I. A sudden dip in the baby’s heartbeat caught everyone’s attention. My doctor looked at me, aware of my birth plan, and explained that the baby needed to come out, now, and asked my permission to cut an episiotomy. With my previous (horrible) experience in mind, I said yes, knowing that he meant business at this point. A few seconds later, my firstborn son arrived.
What I learned from this delivery experience:
- Avoid induction if at all medically possible.
- Having a nursing staff and a doctor that are not only physically but emotionally supportive makes a world of difference.
- Knowing the ins and outs of what to expect and how to do it also makes a world of difference.
Our oldest son, fondly known as BigBrother around these parts, was born a healthy eight pounds, eight ounces after a fourteen hour labor. That’s right: two hours longer than my first labor. This, of course, is to blame solely on the induction. It was a slow, grueling process. I would never choose to be induced ever again.
We knew after some testing that if we wanted to have another child, it needed to be soon after BigBrother. Shortly after he turned one, we started trying to conceive. On the first attempt, we found ourselves expecting another baby. Once again, the complications of this pregnancy would put me on bed rest which is an exceptionally hard task with a 22 month old.
This delivery process was scarier than even my first (in which I knew nothing) or my second (during which my own health and safety was in question at various points in time). Due to placement, LittleBrother’s heart rate kept dipping in an unsatisfactory manner. While I had an amazing support system in the nurses on duty, the discussion of a mandatory, emergency c-section needed to be had: I would have done anything to save my child, even if that meant something that I had no interest in at all (being a c-section). After the initial conversation was had, my nurse promised not to bring it up again unless it was absolutely necessary. I will never be able to thank her enough for respecting me enough to educate me on what was going on but allowing me to focus on what I needed to do instead of what was going to happen if I couldn’t “perform” properly.
It was a long, grueling labor process fraught with worry. I kept my focus as best I could but occasionally found myself in panic mode. Without the support of my Husband or the nurse, I don’t know how I would have made it through. When eventually it came time to deliver, I only had to push twice. Once again, I gave birth to a perfectly healthy baby at seven pounds, seven ounces. Once again, despite a long labor, he had a perfectly shaped head (though somewhat smaller than his older brother’s!).
What I learned from this delivery process:
- It is possible to discuss the realities of a complication without forcing something on a mother.
- It is possible to be a high risk pregnancy three times in a row and end up without a c-section.
- There are scary moments in the process of laboring and delivering. The people around you make all the difference.
LittleBrother was checked out pretty thoroughly after his dramatic in-womb antics but was deemed perfectly healthy. We had some initial nursing issues which we later found out to be due to a severe tongue tie (fixed by Nationwide Children’s Hospital). Despite the scary moments, it was easily the nicest labor and delivery simply because of the nursing staff. I was treated with respect, all past and present things considered, and my input was valued. I was handled delicately when necessary and pushed when needed. It was the perfect ending to my story of labor and delivery.
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All 3 of my Living Children in Jan 2009
All three of my experiences were very different though they had similar, high-risk scenarios intertwined. If you add in the early miscarriage we had in between our two sons, we’ve been through a lot when it comes to safely delivering children into this world. When talking with another mother who experienced multiple complications during her pregnancies and the labor and delivery of two living children, one stillborn, we agreed that for so many people, it’s just a beautiful, easy time. But there are those of us who fought, tooth and nail, to carry those children as long as we possibly could. And, when it comes down to it, easy or difficult, there is a beauty in the result. I wouldn’t make the argument that I love my children more because of what I went through to bring them into this world like some people try to insinuate, but I would say that I am eternally grateful that they made it here safely. I am fully aware of the miracle of life.
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If you’d like to catch some of Discovery Health’s Baby Week coverage, tune in Sunday through Friday, June 14-19th, at 8pm each night on Discovery Health. Some great specific shows in the line up include:
- Twins By Surprise - Sunday, June 14, 8pm
- Little Parents, Big Pregnancy – Monday, June 15, 8pm
- Births Beyond Belief -Tuesday, June 16, 8pm
- Obese & Pregnant - Wednesday, June 17, 8pm
If you miss the first run through of everything (though, in the age of DVR, you shouldn’t!), everything will be rerun later each night and again, back-to-back, on June 20th. (I love marathon days!) There are some other great episodes like I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant and the series three premiere of Deliver Me.
I encourage you to think back to your pregnancy, labor and delivery stories over the next week and consider sharing them with your readers. You never know who you might be able to help by simply listing the things that you learned with each process. Even if everything went splendidly, that may be what another mother needs to read.
Best of luck to my friends who are expecting in the next nine months (and to come).
