I won’t give you an exact date or even the exact length of time of his nursing career. I will say that it was over one year but under two years. (Obviously as his second birthday is just under two months from today.) I will only say that much about the length of time. Why? Some will say that anything over the year mark was too long. Some will say that anything under the two year mark was not long enough. And I will tell both camps to fluff off. Kindly, of course.

Our nursing experience was wonderful. Once we got his tongue tie fixed and learned to ignore the doctors regarding slow weight gain, it was smooth sailing. I could have kept right on nursing for much longer. LittleBrother had other plans. At first, when he stopped, I thought we were going through the inevitable nursing strike. Those happen. I was prepared for it. And then it didn’t stop with the strike. He got some pumped milk for awhile, in a sippy cup because we just never did bottles. Plus, he wanted to be like BigBrother. But he absolutely refused the breast. Pushing, hitting. Screaming, demanding. “Milk. Cup.” He didn’t want to stop to be with me. He wanted to be just like his older brother. He didn’t have time to snuggle and cuddle with me anymore.

I continued to offer for awhile. I continued to pump for awhile, watching my supply tank over a three week period. I resigned myself that it was over when a month had passed and he had fought me any time I had offered. I don’t even recall the date of our last legitimate nursing session; I wasn’t expecting it to be the last. I was expecting months more of time alone with my last baby. Not so. I’m sure it was a lovely time together.

Then the guilt hit, of course, when the frozen breast milk supply ran out and we switched fully to whole milk. And he had some intestinal issues and was diagnosed with mild lactose intolerance. Great, I thought. If I had just forced the issue, if I had just gotten him back to the breast, we wouldn’t be having these problems! Of course, we would have in the end. I found out after that diagnosis that I make a lot of meals with milk. At the worst of his issue, even mashed potatoes made with milk resulted in a horrible intestinal problem. I learned to cook without milk for quite some time. I kept beating myself up over the issue but I learned. I kept hoping that our doctor was right, that somewhere near the age of two he might outgrow the lactose intolerance.

We had been planning on waiting until the month of his birthday to reintroduce milk products. Then I accidentally made a huge meal with milk and cheese and basically just a volcano of dairy. Mommy brain implosion, apparently. After we ate and even the day after, LittleBrother didn’t have his normal explosive reaction. A few days later, we offered him some of the cottage cheese that BigBrother eats every day with lunch. He liked it. No reaction. We continued to offer the cottage cheese while on vacation last month. No reaction. Upon returning home from said vacation, we offered a glass of milk. He drank it. He liked it. No reaction. No reactions at all for the past month. In fact, he’s had better bowel movements since returning to milk than he had on the rice milk. Color us shocked.

Cooking is easier again. As usual, he’s my good eater so he’s been enjoying all of the recipes that I had to avoid during our months of anti-milk propaganda. He’s happy, not that he ever wasn’t, doing things just like his brother. My guilt is lessening. I really felt horrible for the interim months when we kept dealing with stomach issues. I kept beating myself up for not sticking it out, for not forcing the issue. Not that I feel that I could have; he was determined to keep up with his brother. I was just weighing him down.

I’m happy to see him as a very independent toddler. I know that our months of breastfeeding and bonding helped that along. I do miss our moments together but, more so than his brother, he’s a lover and cuddler. He will be running by and stop to kiss or hug me. Or his daddy. Or anyone sitting still. A lover, indeed. I have my moments of nostalgia and sadness when I see my friends nursing their young ones, knowing that I’ll never experience that closeness with another baby. But mostly I’m just trying to keep up with two very quick, very busy, very energetic little boys who are constantly trying to out-do one another.

And that’s okay.

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Learning to breastfeed. Seems strange, doesn’t it? Shouldn’t something so natural just be an automatic response? One would think. However, as a book lover and book-based-learner, I found that reading about the process of breastfeeding really helped me get a handle on what to expect, what to look for and what to reach for goal-wise. I read more than the following three books, but these are the three that I suggest, in order, to mothers who are just starting out in their breastfeeding research. I normally suggest this kind of thing to my other book-loving, book-based-learning type friends. If that’s you, read on!

1. Mama Knows Breast by Andi Silverman. If you’re already familiar with breastfeeding, you could probably skip this book. If you’re unsure whether you want to attempt breastfeeding, are kind of scared at the prospect or have absolutely no prior exposure to breastfeeding, this might be the book that gives you the gentle push towards nursing. There’s no guilt. There’s no big scare tactics. It’s a book that I’ve reviewed before and that put my mind at ease regarding several aspects. It’s definitely not a how-to manual but it’s a great place to start. (This book is not pictured as it is currently on loan to a friend who needed a gentle push! Also, it’s blue, not pink, which I find interesting!)

2. Breastfeeding Made Simple: Seven Natural Laws for Nursing Mother by Nancy Mohrbacher and Kathleen Kendall-tackett. I can’t promote this book enough. Similar to Mama Knows Breast, this book doesn’t thrown any harsh judgments or guilt at you. However, this book picks up on what the other leaves out: the how-to-stuff. I learned a lot about proper latch, the importance of breastfeeding on demand and other important tips that help mothers reach their breastfeeding goals. This book is able to do all that without making you feel like a heel for either experiencing problems or having questions. I think every expectant mother should be given this book. It was an easy-quick read and one that I kept on hand during those first two months during that learning-to-nurse phase.

3. The Breastfeeding Book: Everything You Need to Know About Nursing Your Child from Birth Through Weaning by Martha Sears. This book picks up where the prior on leaves off and addresses every possible thing that can go wrong in minute detail. And that’s why I have to put a warning on this book: don’t read it first. It’s long. It’s harder to read than the previous two. And when you get into the thick of what can go wrong in breastfeeding, it can be overwhelming. Keep in mind that a large majority of mothers and babies don’t have horrible problems with nursing. It was this book, however, that gave me enough information about LittleBrother’s tongue tie that I was able to figure it out on my own and bring it up with my son’s pediatrician. I do believe that this book really is a must-have-on-hand book for those chance times that something does go wrong.

My book-based-learning self would love to tell you that reading these books taught me everything I needed to know and that nothing went wrong and that it’s just as easy as reading a book. But, for me, it wasn’t quite so easy. We struggled initially. In the hospital, I had some help. But something wasn’t working right. By the time my milk came in, I knew something was wrong. But I couldn’t quite tell what. It was through the third book and the help of a local lactation consultant that LittleBrother was diagnosed with a (severe!) tongue tie. Thankfully we were referred to a fabulous set of doctors at Children’s Hospital. Immediately after his frenotomy, I felt relief and LittleBrother was able to stay latched. Without the help of that lactation consultant, I don’t know if I would have had the nerve to discuss it with my doctor.

Finally, the biggest key in my nursing success has been an amazing group of online friends. Yes, online. Not many people in my immediate, local life have nursed. But my online support group? They’re the best. Let me tell you, they have heard me whine, complain, over-think, panic and generally freak out about everything from engorgement, the tongue tie drama, supply issues and issues with weight gain. They have offered advice and experience-laden stories when needed. They have given me the swift kick in the pants when needed. And they have simply let me “let it all out” when I needed to vent, having been there at one point or another themselves. Without such an amazing group of women, I don’t know if I would have made it through some of our challenges.

All of these things combined, from the books to the lactation consultant to my friends, have taught me so much about breastfeeding. Without each playing off the other, I don’t know if I would be where I am today, just under two months from LittleBrother’s birthday with no real obstacles (knock on wood) in our path. I hope that other expectant mothers are encouraged by some of these suggestions. If you need some online encouragement, I’m your best cheerleader. Trust me! Just hit me up via comments or the contact form! I don’t bite. LittleBrother does but I don’t!

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For more on breastfeeding education in this month’s Carnival of Breastfeeding, hit these great posts: Breastfeeding Education at Hobo Mama | Breastfeeding Education at Breastfeeding123 | Learning to Breastfeed at Breastfeeding Mums | So, You Want to Work in Breastfeeding Support at The Motherwear Breastfeeding Blog | How I Learned to Breastfeed at The Beautiful Letdown | Carnival Post at Momopoly | Let’s Take Our Perverted Society to School at Babyfingers |

Remember my big rant about people referring to LittleBrother as tiny? Let me tell you, that was a good post. I got so many comments and e-mails and instant messages telling me that, no, LittleBrother is not tiny. But you know what? When someone plants a seed of doubt, man, that thing just takes hold and sprouts a huge tree with roots in places like your heart and mind and soul. And so. I broke down.

I stepped on the scale with LittleBrother. And my heart sank.

The scale, non-digital and not new, didn’t read any different than the doctor’s office scale for his four month appointment. And this was just days before he turned six months old. Panic set in. But I put it off for a day or two, asking some trusted nursing mothers their opinions on whether or not to trust my old scale. I did well ignoring my fears until our Wii Fit arrived. One day after I weighed myself, I picked him up and reweighed us together. After he finally stopped squirming around and the balance board stopped yelling at us to hold still, my fears were reaffirmed. No difference.

And so on the Saturday morning that he turned six months old, I took LittleBrother to the hospital for a weight check with the lactation consultant. I fed him all night the night before as he started his six month growth spurt. I put him on the scale. And it read exactly one pound higher than two months prior. From four to six months, babies should gain at least four ounces per week (two pounds per month). And LittleBrother only gained two ounces per week.

My mind started spinning as things like Failure to Thrive were mentioned and I was told to call my doctor on Tuesday morning to schedule an appointment. I started doubting everything I had done over the past two months. Wasn’t I eating enough fat in general? I mean, yes, I like salads, but I also like pizza. Should I be eating more fat? Would healthy fats help? Like avocado? And nuts? Should I add Fish Oil to my diet?

FireDad shrugged the whole Failure to Thrive off, reminding me that the kid had been rolling with consistency since he was two months old. He’s a mover and shaker. FireDad also mentioned his own metabolism. (In case you haven’t noticed, FireDad isn’t rotund.) But I was in panic mode. No amount of “he’s fine” was going to suffice.

As we had just started solids (more on that next week!), I mashed up some avocado and fed it to him. I ate a bunch of avocado. And some pizza rolls. (What? You don’t eat when you’re stressed?) And I nursed the heck out of the kid. And finally his appointment arrived. He weighed in three ounces heavier than he was five days earlier. I mentally knew this to be a good thing but I wanted the lactation consultant’s scale to be wrong. I wanted him to be two pounds heavier.

As I sat and waited our Pediatrician, Dr. S, to enter the room, I felt like I could vomit. I didn’t want to be told that something was wrong with my baby. I didn’t want to be told that I should supplement with formula. I wanted everything to be fine. I wanted to provide for my child. I wanted him to be healthy. And I wanted everyone to STOP CALLING HIM TINY.

Dr. S came in, asked a few questions, looked over LittleBrother and said, “He’s fine.” I breathed for the first time in five days. He gave us some possible reasoning. Perhaps he was moving and shaking it off. Perhaps he did have his Dad’s metabolism. Perhaps he was just a smaller (not tiny!) dude. And all of that was okay. No mention of formula. Instead, we were told to continue on as we had been doing and just add solids as we had been planning. No rush on food. No set schedule. Just go about our parenting business.

And while I’m relieved, I’m writing this to tell you: trust your gut. If you feel that your child is just fine, he probably is. If he’s hitting appropriate milestones and happy and doesn’t seem to be freaking-out-hungry after you finish a feeding, trust that your body is providing all the right stuff for your child. It’s so easy to freak out and feel like your body is “failing” your child, especially when someone mentions “Failure” to Thrive. But, chances are, you’re doing just fine. And your child is doing just fine. And everything will be just fine.

I mean, honestly, does this kid look like he’s failing to thrive?

I think not.

But there are things I’m proud of in my mothering experience. Surely I can come up with three.

1. I love all of my children equally. Once upon an archived webpage, I had a dramatic e-run-in with another birth mother who said that we, as birth parents, shouldn’t love our relinquished children as much as our parented children. This made my eyes pop out of my head. Without calling her stupid, I told her that her argument didn’t hold much water, at least or especially with me. She was arguing the point from the vantage point of a birth mother who is not actively parenting another child. As one who was at the time and continues to do so, now with more kids under my roof, I can tell you that I do not hold one child over another, no matter where they live, eat or create havoc. And yes, I do take pride in this fact. I love that Munchkin so very much. I am super proud of all of her accomplishments. I would lay down my life to protect her. And I will never be fully able to explain how vast my love is for her. And the same goes for the boys. I marvel at their daily accomplishments and boast about their milestones. I’d throw myself in harm’s way simply to protect them from danger. And I don’t think they’ll understand how much I truly love them. Perhaps I’m unique in this fact but I really don’t think so… but I’m still proud of that unconditional and equal love.

2. I don’t hate being a work-slash-stay at home mom and I don’t feel guilty about leaving the “workforce.” When I was pregnant with BigBrother, I went on and on about how I was going to remain a working mother. I looked down my nose at mothers who chose to stay home. I thought that they lacked ambition and that they were setting a poor example for their children. (Wait! Stop throwing tomatoes! I get my come uppance in a second! Keep reading!) Then BigBrother was born and my world was turned upside down. I went back to work and hated every moment of it. Okay, not every moment. I loved the thrill of the live newscast. And that one time that I wore BigBrother in a front carrier while switching a live newscast? Yes, that was a good moment. (See photo.) But the other moments sucked. When he neared eight months old and was crawling, babbling and hitting a million milestones per day, I ate crow, turned in my two weeks notice and came on home with my tail between my legs. And oh, being home, whether I’m just mothering for an entire day or throwing in one of my many freelancing jobs into the mix, is a million times harder than I ever thought it would be. So, while I’m not so proud of the judgment that I previously tossed at mothers who stay home, I am proud of the fact that I am thriving in my role as a stay-slash-work at home mom and enjoying almost every minute of it. (Really? Did I mention that BigBrother peed on my lap last week? Not my favorite moment.)

3. I am not too scared OR too proud to try new things. I am constantly learning about this parenting thing. I am the first to admit that I am mostly flying by the seat of my pants. But I am proud of the fact that I don’t really ever let “good enough” become my motto. Right now, for example, I’m reading books on positive discipline so that I might be a better guide for my (strong-willed) two year old and, eventually, his little brother. And if those things don’t work for LittleBrother like they are with BigBrother, well, I’ll read some more books. The biggest examples of this, of course, are in the few changes we made on initial things done with BigBrother to how we did the variations of those things with LittleBrother. For those who don’t know, BigBrother was not breastfed. (No throwing stones. There were reasons and they were worked out in therapy. Thank you.) LittleBrother will hit the six month milestone of exclusive breastfeeding on the 24th of this month! Furthermore, BigBrother wasn’t cloth diapered until night-time at around 18 months of age. I thought it would be too much work. Pfft. I got schooled on that one, didn’t I? And as such, LittleBrother started out in cloth from the get-go. I learn from everything I do as a parent, whether it’s something I perceive as a mistake, something that I could simply have done better or something I did pretty darn awesome that I’d like to repeat in the future. Even better, I constantly learn from my Mom-friends. I am (usually?) not offended when someone offers up advice. I ask a lot of questions (really, I do). And I constantly push myself to be the best mom I can be… which involves going back to the drawing board at times and starting over. And that’s okay.

I’m proud of a lot more. Really. I am. I’m not bragging. But darn it, I’m a great Mom in so many different ways. Sometimes I fail. Sometimes I have bad days. (Weeks. Months?) But my children are all thriving in age appropriate ways. And I love watching them all experience new things in their lives.

And, there you have it. What are YOU proud of?

I recently ordered two nursing tanks from Gap.com. I normally love Gap. I do. I admit it.  I can usually tame myself and go for the cheaper Old Navy versions of whatever I want, but alas, Old Navy doesn’t make a nursing tank. So, to Gap I went. I ordered a black and a white one. I layer these tanks under whatever shirt I’m wearing. Why? Well, when I nurse in public, it’s not flashing my breast that I’m worried about. It’s the Muffin Top. Gotta hide the Muffin Top!

They came yesterday. I tried the white one on. And I’m swimming in it. I ordered my normal size. And this is not right. At all. I prefer my tanks to be fitted so they actually fit as a layered look instead of making me look bulky. On top of that? The slits for nursing on the under-layer? Are so bulky that you can see them through a second shirt. That’s not classy. Sigh.

Back to the drawing board. Or, the internet, as it were.

For the record: Motherhood’s are too short. Motherwear is out of black and white in the size that I need. Target’s brand recently changed their design and it’s getting negative reviews all over the place. So, really, that leaves me with rather expensive options.

I think I’m just going to breakdown and buy one Glamourmom top to try out. In white, as it’s the most frequent color that I layer. I’m not sure if I should go with the regular length or the longer one. I prefer a longer fit in my tanks (just over the top of my jeans) but the long tank looks, well, really long. I’m a short-torso-ed girl. That looks like it might hit my knees. And of course, I don’t know what size to order. According to their size chart, I’d need to order the same size I just ordered from Gap that leaves me looking like I’ve recently wasted away. Will it be the same problem? Ugh.

A smart Mama on another board suggested a Bella Band to hide the Muffin Top and just normal tanks lifted up for nursing like I’ve been doing thus far. Not a bad idea. Besides the fact that I’ll never be pregnant again and spending almost $30.00 on a Bella Band makes me kind of emo for another baby. Do I want to risk emotional breakdown to avoid Muffin Top Flashing? I’m not sure. Although, two good points brought up by said smart Mama are that the Bella Band can hold up those in-between-er pants (remember?) and it is cooler in the summer than an actual extra layer. And now I think I’m leaning more that way!

Will I ever make up my mind?

I’m tired of nursing top drama. I want something that fits that doesn’t cost a ridiculous amount. It’s tank top. Sure, it’s functional tank top but it’s a tank top. I know you get what you pay for but dang, I’m a thrifty kind of girl. Spending big bucks on a tank top goes against everything I stand for. I’m about to take one of my tanks, make a triangle cut and fashion some fastener and call it a day! If only I was handy or crafty or remotely talented in that area of expertise. Really? They should cover this topic in nursing books. Yes, cover thrush, mastitis, tongue ties (which weren’t covered well in any of my books) and how to dress so the whole world doesn’t know that you have a Muffin Top.

Who wants to write it with me? Maybe then I could afford all the nursing tops in the world. If only they fit!

1. Strangely, the thing that leads most people to our site is a google for our blog’s name in some form or fashion. I find that amusing since the URL of our blog isn’t hard to remember. It’s simply stopdropandblog.com. I’m easy like that.

2. Postpartum weight loss is the next most popular search, in various terms. Some variations are “lost 25 pounds two weeks postpartum,” “plateau postpartum,” and “weight comes off slowly at first.” Let me tell you googling, overtired, emotional, hormonal postpartum mommies: every pregnancy is different and, as such, every postpartum healing period is different. That said, I know if you’re googling for something like that, you’re looking for some support. And so, here’s some support: it will come off. It may come off immediately, like it did after my first. It may take a full year, like it did after my second. You may lose all of the weight in three months but still not be the same shape as you were before, like after my third full-term pregnancy. And that’s where I am now. Having lost the weight but not the size. I’m learning to be okay with that and dress in creative ways to hide some of that shape-shifting that happened with this last pregnancy. (I have a post coming about that later this week!) But don’t get down on yourselves, mamas. Just trust me.

3. We then have a whole bunch of varied queries about tongue ties, the procedure for surgery (frenotomy), how it screws both breastfeeding and speech and so on. So, here’s a quick recap: tongue ties make breastfeeding suck. It totally screws the latch and if you don’t get it taken care of early, you run the risk of things more painful than shredded nipples. Due to the fact that the baby can’t properly drain the milk because of the tongue tie, you’re at a greater risk for plugged ducts (we only had two) and mastitis (we lucked out here, knock on wood). Also, if you wait too long to consider the procedure, the lingual frenulum can get too thick and your child may need anesthesia. Ask sooner than later. Sadly, when many mothers inquire with their normal pediatrician, they are told that it won’t help breastfeeding. And are told to just wait it out. That’s a blatant lie, mama. The relief was immediate. That said, many mamas and babies do have to relearn latching after a frenotomy so a week of patience is necessary. Lastly, if your doctor doesn’t want to do a thing about it, politely ask for a referral to a pediatric Ear, Nose and Throat doctor in a larger city. Just say you’re covering all of your bases.

4. Then we’ve got all kinds of search strings about cloth diapers, mainly Fuzzi Bunz, laundry detergent choices and Goodmama diapers. I do have a full on post about Goodmamas coming in the near future but I’ll give you a brief update about our current State of Cloth Diapering in the FireHouse. We’re still loving the cloth. Totally loving. We mainly use Fuzzi Bunz for their ease of use (read: FireDad has no problems) and their sizing. (Each size lasts the baby quite awhile.) We are still using the same washing routine as I previously mentioned: baking soda, Purex Free & Clear, a squirt or two of original Dawn and a cap full of Calgon for our hard water. (For more info on the actual routine, read this post.) We still have had no repelling issues, no staining and very few leaks. Leaks have come from too long in a diaper (church service, for example) and so for overnights and longer times in a diaper (a car ride back to The Farm or church), we’re double stuffing our pockets. (I’ve got more information coming in the soon-to-be post about our preferences on inserts.) As for what else we’re using? We’ve branched into one-size fitteds with covers. (Yes, the previously mentioned and now much-loved Goodmamas as well as a few others.) Stay tuned for that!

5. A bunch of searches for potty training help. Trust me. I’m no help. But pick up the No Cry Potty Training Solution (Pantley). We’re just starting to implement a few things but we’re still a long ways away from any “success.” Best of luck to you!

6. A bunch more searches for breastfeeding, postpartum weight loss and the infamous bridesmaid gown. To be honest? I haven’t been fitted yet. However, I did recently find a strapless nursing bra at La Leche League’s online store. I don’t know how to modify a bridesmaid dress for breastfeeding and haven’t yet figured out how to handle any of this. Here’s hoping we can get through the ceremony and just deal with the rest as it comes.

7. “Poop filled diapers.” Well, diapers are meant for poop. Yes. Not sure why that is search worthy.

8. “My wife cut off her long hair today.” Good for her, buddy. It’s her hair. And if she’s got any kids, it’s probably hard to find time to do any hair, let alone longer hair. I hope she loves it. I love mine. Kind of. (I did recently find a way to help with the half-mullet phase. Barrettes. Yes, the kind you wore in elementary school. More later.)

9. “What to write in a card for a friend’s mom who was diagnosed with breast cancer.” That’s a long and heart-breaking search string. I got a few cards when Mom was diagnosed. I cherished them all. No, the disease was not mine. I didn’t undergo radiation. I didn’t have the multiple surgeries. But I was scared out of my mind. It was my mommy. And so the cards I got meant the world to me. They were mostly sent from other daughters whose mothers had been diagnosed with various forms of cancer and who just “got” the emotions I was experiencing. So, for those wondering what to say, my advice? Just be supportive. Most likely, your friend is going through some strange emotions and trying to determine how all of this makes her feel. Some may be angry. (I was at one point.) Scared. (Yep, that, too.) And maybe reliving every bad thing she ever said or did to her mother. (Mmmhmm!) Simply saying, “I’m thinking of and praying for you as well as your entire family goes through this ordeal,” means a whole lot. Trust me!

10. “Babywearing when to stop.” Not sure why you’d want to stop! Ever! That said, always check with your sling manufacturers. Some are only okay to a certain weight. If you have a work-at-home-mom made ring sling, check and see if she uses Sling Rings. They are tested for up to 250 pounds. Not that I could carry that much weight myself but that’s reassuring. One shoulder carries (ring slings, pouches) can start to feel uncomfortable as your little one gains weight. Consider a carrier that evenly distributes weight like a Mei Tai or a soft-structured carrier like an Ergo. And always check your carriers for safety. Look for loose stitching in important places and any rips or tears. Otherwise, wear that kid until they simply refuse to be worn anymore. You’ll miss it when it’s all said and done.

And so, my friends, that concludes our first installment of “Sorry You Found This Place” on Stop, Drop and Blog. I’ve let you know about some upcoming posts this week and next. I should also let you know that I’ve got a bunch of reviews lined up for Modern Mamma Marvels that start tomorrow morning and also run through next week. You know, because life isn’t busy enough for me or something.

Happy Googling!