Career Talk » Stop, Drop and Blog

Hope Yet. Maybe.

Parenting, Photography, fire life 11 Responses »

Feb 252010

It’s tough competing with FireDad.

I mean, if you were a four year old and you were asked, “Do you want to be a firefighter like your daddy or a writer/photographer like your mommy,” what would you choose? If you were a two year old and asked the same question, what would you answer? I lose every time. Every single time.

I don’t run into burning buildings. I stand outside with my camera and try to capture the action; I don’t live it. I write about what I felt afterward; I don’t tell the firefighter stories that start with, “So there I was, flames shooting seventy feet in the air.” Feelings are always less interesting than flames shooting in the air. I don’t save people’s lives. I don’t drive a big, red, shiny fire truck.

I’m so boring.

I was getting ready to head out to work last night and LittleBrother was bebopping around the kitchen. I told him that I was getting ready to go to work and asked, “At the new-paper?” I confirmed that and asked if he wanted to go with me and said, “No.” Then I launched into a series of (leading) questions and asked him if he wanted to be a firefighter or a photographer when he grew up.

“Fireman.”

Okay, so I apparently need to work on gender-inclusive titles on top of my children thinking I’m boring. Thrilling.

At that point I pulled a typical Mommy Guilt moment and boo-hoo-ed that no one wanted to be like me. FireDad gave me a look that said, without saying anything at all, that I was being lame on top of being boring. Even more thrilling. I put on my coat, whined about the weather and started to give out goodbye kisses. During my whining and dressing for the Never Ending Snow, LittleBrother had made his way to the toy box, found his (play) camera and came to take my picture.

“Say boogers and cookies, Mommy.”

Aww, maybe he is more like me than I think. Thrilling.

Working With the Fire Schedule

fire life 5 Responses »

Feb 152010

When FireDad and I started dating, he was finishing up his schooling to become a full Paramedic. He was working full-time at the local ambulance company. He was also in the Army. And I knew that his long term goal was to become a professional, paid firefighter. I don’t know why I was surprised when he got on the fire department and continued to work at the other two jobs.

Eventually he finished his time with the Army. Now he only works at the ambulance company on an as-needed basis which, thankfully, is a rare occurrence. Today being one of those days I am left to think about how firefighters often work more than one job. Quite honestly, it’s one of the reasons that working outside the home is so difficult for firefighter spouses. As Val from Fire Fighter Wife said,

If I held a 9-5 I’d have been fired many times in the last 3 years.

It’s true. Many things prompted my departure from the news station in 2006. I felt that I was missing too much of BigBrother’s developmental awesomeness. I was paying out almost all of what I was making in child care. As FireDad was still working both jobs and still active duty in the military at the time, our schedule was stretched past its elasticity. I had missed too much work due to scheduling conflicts, doctor’s appointments and child care issues. When I suffered a miscarriage that summer and my employer refused to be understanding, that straw broke the camel’s back and I started paving the way to come home to work.

Working at home with the fire schedule isn’t without challenges either. Trying to meet deadlines while chasing two little boys around our house (see pictures here) isn’t always the easiest thing ever. If I hadn’t left the news station, I’m sure that I would have been fired at some point since the fall of that year. Like Val mentioned, we’ve taken extended vacations, stayed an extra day or two at my parents or just generally had a relaxing day when we need it. As FireDad is working at the ambulance company today and the fire department for 24 hours tomorrow, I’m going to go ahead and claim Wednesday as a family fun day. But my deadlines will still loom and the work will need to be finished despite any amount of fun that is to be had.

Adding in my part time job has been an interesting transition that is working surprisingly well. I had thought that while the kids were still small and at home with me most of the time (BigBrother goes to preschool three days a week) that I couldn’t work outside the home. I’ve found something that may not pay the big bucks but allows me to stretch my creative wings just a little bit and talk to adults on occasion. So far the boys have mostly been with either FireDad or a grandparent when I’ve had to work. Once we had a day like today where our schedules simply conflicted and we had to call in our trusted, awesome babysitter. I think I’ve used her less this year than I did last year before I started working. Life is funny that way.

As I sit here and count down the hours until FireDad is home today so that I can get some of my things done, I am reminded to be grateful for the jobs we do have. We’re the lucky ones, especially knowing that so many families are struggling right now. Yes, sometimes it’s hard to schedule. Sometimes we’re overtired. We’ve had to make hard decisions and follow through with the difficulties that followed. But not only are we both working but we’re both working in/at things we love while making time for family. Yes, I think we are the luckiest.

Happy Firefighter

Remind me of this the next time that FireDad is off on a fire for more than 36 hours, okay?

You Capture: Work

Photography 6 Responses »

Feb 112010

We’re talking about work this week for the You Capture challenge. I used to have an office. Then we had another baby, fondly known as LittleBrother, and I now split the office with the boy’s playroom. But, really, that doesn’t work well for me or BigBrother who has taken over the family desktop. So, I do most of my work in this little corner of the living room.

Couch Corner

In that photo you can see two laptops, two cell phones, my card reader, my favorite pen, a cup of coffee and the corner of the couch that I do most of my leaning on. It is here that I write, edit, e-mail, network, procrastinate, tweet, play Bejeweled Blitz, press refresh and generally take on the world of a freelance writer and editor. I have started doing some work at the dining room table again but I prefer the couch. (Speaking of, we’re in the market for a new couch and a new recliner. Anyone know of any good deals?)

What you don’t see in the first picture is the mess that my living room becomes while I do my morning work. Here’s a small glimpse.

Kids? I Got 'Em

I would have shown you my entire living room at that point yesterday but it was trashed. The Duplo blocks were out. More puzzles were at my feet as LittleBrother is deep in a puzzle phase. All of our cars were strewn across the floor. The Veggie Tales castle was turned over as was the fire department. And two new sleeping bags were thrown into the mix as well. The truth is that I spend my mornings doing work and building puzzles or coloring or racing or having my toes run over all at the same time. I’m working but I’m also playing with and/or parenting my boys. I had this idea, prior to doing it, that working from home was easy and somewhat glamorous. It is neither. Rewarding? Sure. Comfortable? Totally. But it’s nothing that I had imagined.

Anyway, thanks to all of this…

SNOMG!

…I haven’t been working outside the home very much. I was called off on Saturday and almost didn’t work yesterday. I did manage to get out and photograph a game. As I was editing some photos, I took a picture of me, hard at work, which, minus the couch, doesn’t really look much different than what I’m doing at home, now does it?

Newspaper

Things you don’t see me working on this week in this post include: seven loads of laundry, baking three dozen cookies, trying new recipes, Swiffering our new floor and generally helping run the household. (That said, my loving husband did all of the shoveling this week.)

What I hope you see in some of these jokes is that I love the work I do, both at home and away. I am a lucky woman in that regard. I hope that continues. If you want to see some other work photos, visit this week’s You Capture challenge over at I Should Be Folding Laundry. Next week’s challenge is kisses. Sounds fun to me!

Now back to work. Really! I’m at This Woman’s Work’s house talking about our book. WOO!

How's It Going?

Parenting, Photography 9 Responses »

Jan 112010

I keep getting comments, e-mails, Facebook mail and instant messages all asking the same thing: “How’s it going?” The questions all lead back to the same topic. What they’re all asking is, “How are you enjoying/enduring/liking/hating/feeling-about working outside the home again?”

They’re right in asking because I haven’t mentioned it since I got the job. The truth is that I’m not going to pull a Dooce. I’m never going to discuss the ins and outs of working at the office, people in the office or anything of that nature. Even if I hated my job (which I don’t), I would say, publicly, that it is great! And I’m loving it! And it couldn’t be better! Right?

What I do want to discuss is the transition my family has made over the past two months with my return to working outside the home. Now, to be fair, I’m still working from home full time with my freelancing gigs. In fact, over the past few months, I’ve well surpassed full time and am working some crazy hectic hours. And, you know, writing a book on top of it all because I don’t have enough to do. My outside the home job has me working around 14 hours per week, give or take. Not a lot of hours, true, but I didn’t take this job to make the big bucks. I took it because it because the opportunity that I had been hoping for presented itself and my husband and I agreed that I’d be a fool to pass it up.

Plus, I like it. And that’s always good.

BigBrother hasn’t really said much about the transition. He does tell people that I work at the newspaper now, whereas he used to say I just worked at home. Which is true but he really has no idea what I do on the computer. When I tell him that I write, he says, “But where’s your pencil?” Touche, dude. Touche. The funny thing is that the offices at the newspaper look directly into BigBrother’s preschool. If he wasn’t so busy socializing learning, he could wave at me on days that I stop in after I drop him off.

LittleBrother, on the other hand, was a bit more confused about the whole mommy going to work thing. To him, my work involves a desk downstairs or the couch. On evenings that took me out of the house, he would ask where I was going and why and fifteen other questions that are far too advanced for a two year old to be asking. To be fair, he was doubly traumatized because FireDad went to the Fire Academy for two weeks. For awhile after that, he thought that when either of us left the house that we would be gone for weeks at a time. Even now when he asks if daddy is at work, he clarifies and says, “Not at fire academy, right?” Poor little man. He’s been giving me a lot of, “Mommy stay with me today/tonight, yes,” at bedtime or even in the morning. It’s almost heartbreaking.

Almost.

Because you have to realize that the kids are spending time away from me with their very beloved daddy. Or, on occasion, Nana or YiaYia (grandmothers). I really don’t have much guilt in leaving my children with these people. In fact, I have fallen more in love with our firefighter family because of the schedule that my husband keeps (24 hours on, 48 hours off). He’s here when I can’t be. Perfection. Nothing really has changed from their routine. Especially as I do the majority of my work after they’re in bed, well, they’re not really experiencing any change.

Have I missed the bedtimes that I’ve had to skip out on to shoot a basketball game? Kind of. I miss the snuggling part but not the wrangling part. Have I felt a bit guilty walking away when I’ve been asked to stay? Most definitely. Do I really feel that is okay? Yes. LittleBrother has had me, by his side, for two straight years. Until this past week, he wouldn’t let us leave him in the childcare at the YMCA so I could get a little workout in. Today? He stayed. Without crying. At all. Progress has been made. Is it because I’m working outside the home? Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe he was just finally ready. Or maybe it’s a few things snowballing into one thing. I don’t know.

I can tell you one thing: I’m happy.

I’m busy. Very busy. Kind of mostly exhausted most days. But, oh, I’m happy. I’m enjoying myself. Thoroughly. I’m not quite great at what I’m doing yet. The learning is what makes it fun though. I’m learning things about photography. I’m learning things about time management. I’m learning to let go of certain things. I’m learning about myself and things I didn’t know that I didn’t know. I’m learning how to function again at the demands of others. I’m just learning. I feel constantly challenged, constantly pushed and, really, that’s when I do my best work. Minus the laundry. But I’ll get there. I think.

And so, to answer the question of, “How’s it going?”

I’m doing just fine. In fact, we’re all doing just fine. Thanks for asking. And I mean that: thank you.