Maybe Batman and Robin next year? Hopefully the power of suggestion still works.

This photo illuminates all of the reasons that I hate store bought costumes:

“Why Luigi, what a big rack you have!” “All the better to smash bricks with???”

Let me tell you the number of things wrong with these costumes.

1. The bellies don’t adjust very well as the velcro is in ridiculously stupid places. Hence Luigi’s large chest that’s supposed to be a belly. Thankfully BigBrother hasn’t really noticed or cared. However, I’m either going to have to deflate the bellies even a bit more (these were not fully blown up) or nix them completely so that the boys can wear warmer clothes under their costumes. It’s supposed to be a bit chilly both evenings we’re going trick-or-treating. The boys already know this is a possibility and they’re okay with it, though they think the bellies are hilarious. Which, they are. Especially BigBrothers, RIGHT?!

2. They’re too small in general. I ordered two costumes in sizes that should have fit according to the website. However, when the costumes arrived, the packaging also listed an “age range,” and when I held them up, yep, they’re small. They’ll “do” for now (and are just barely long enough without the bellies), but please don’t look at the length and judge me as a bad Halloween mom. It’s not my fault the website didn’t find it important to share the length of the costume, just the weight guidelines. (Note to costume websites: My kids weigh less but are just fine height wise. Weight does me no good.) This reason is why you cannot see their feet in any of these photos. Of note: They’re wearing their black rainboots up and under their pant legs, which will at least be warm and dry.

3. Please don’t get me started on the texture.

4. The mustaches are ridiculous. I mean, sure, they’re cute in these pictures, but the sticky stuff on the back? Covers the WHOLE back of the mustache. Left to right, top to bottom. That means that LittleBrother, who has a smaller face/head and the downward facing Mario mustache, has sticky stuff all the way past his mouth and down onto his chin. That causes the mustache to stick to his chin, thus blocking his entire mouth. Very safe, let me tell you. We’re sticking some paper to the back of it so he can, you know, breathe out of his mouth, but the paper is then annoying to a small child. I predict mustache abandonment in less than a hour.

5. I know the gloves are supposed to be big for humor’s sake, but LittleBrother’s are far too big – to the point that the can’t grab things while wearing them. (So yes, if you’re keeping track: the costume is too small but the mustache and gloves are too big. Sizing fails all over the place.)

And on and on and on.

I originally said I wanted to make the boys’ Mario and Luigi costumes. And then life got in the way and I remembered how poorly I sew while trying to complete another task. I looked longingly at some homemade, fantastic Mario and Luigi costumes on Etsy — my favorite being the fireball variations with the red and green overalls — but I couldn’t justify the price. Maybe I should have, as my sons love to dress up and they could have gotten a lot of use out of high quality, well-fitting costumes that they loved. Hindsight; she’s a … well, she’s something. Even still, I was going to make some really cute bags for trick-or-treating, but Halloween is in five days and it’s just not going to happen.

The good news is that the boys love their costumes. And they loved them last year. And the year before. But they year before that, let’s face it: they were really dang cute. I will never be as talented with a sewing machine as my grandmother. My children will have to suck it up in store bought costumes and I will have to let go of the dream of the perfect Halloween. Besides, they’ll go trick-or-treating (twice, mind you). They’ll have fun. They’ll be pleased with their costumes. They’ll get candy. The world will keep turning.

Quite honestly, that sounds pretty darn perfect to me. Not quite Martha Stewart, but pretty darn perfect.

While I do love Aeromax and their real-looking firefighter costumes, this monstrosity used to be my least favorite. (See below for my new least favorite for girls.)

Plain and simple: If your little girl wants to be a firefighter, she doesn’t need a pink and blue uniform. She just doesn’t. The women that endure the pervasive sexism still alive in firefighting today don’t need your little girl to perpetuate the stereotype that girls need frillied up version of the real thing to make it count. Get her a normal uniform and have her run some stairs for awhile. She doesn’t need something pink to be a firefighter.

The winner of my new least favorite firefighter costume is this… …thing.

Gross.

The number of sexualized adult (and thus worn by teen girls too) firefighter costumes is horrifying enough. It really is. But do we really, really need to vamp up our our size small girls? Do we? I mean, I know it’s the trend. A sickening, disgusting, awful, hideous trend, but a trend all the same. I just don’t know what mother or father would want their little girl to wear this to school, to a Halloween party, to walk the streets on trick-or-treat night. At least the pink and blue version looks like a firefighter costume and covers your child up. This? This is wrong on all levels. Don’t buy it. I will judge you.

(I will say that I understand some girls like wearing dresses. I do approve of this “different” but still close enough firefighter costume for girls. Order one size bigger to make sure her doopa is covered, okay?)

And lastly, of course, please don’t buy any of these costumes for your teenage daughter. Just please don’t.

Just Say No by firemom on polyvore.com

If you — an adult — want to sex it up at a Halloween party, go right ahead. I won’t judge you, but I might offer you a jacket. Or pants. And if your partner is wearing this hot mess of an overcompensating costume, I won’t judge you either. I’ll just feel sorry for the both of you.

Come back Friday for some homemade firefighter costume options — for all of you procrastinators. (Or, uh, crafty people.) (But mostly procrastinators.)

LittleBrother hit one house.

And one more. And then a big wind blew, turned his Alien head sideways on his head and he was done. He rode in the wagon for the rest of the trip. We occasionally had to turn his Alien head the right way when we would hear his little voice, “I can’t see.”

BigBrother, however, was a pro, made evident by this Super Serious Trick-or-Treating Face.

He made it three quarters of the way around the big, big loop this year, running to keep up with an almost seven year old girl friend of ours. He only made it half way last year before he started whining, so this was a great improvement. Plus, the wagon! Win. We got lots of compliments on his costume. And a lot of “Where’s Waldo?! THERE HE IS!” comments.

He had a great time. I think LittleBrother did too, despite the ear infection woes. BigBrother offered to share his candy, since LittleBrother only got candy from people close to the road as we was riding wagon style. One gentleman accused of “spoiling” him. Hi, he’s sick. Plus, it’s Halloween. Why not spoil them just a bit? Plus, shut up. Plus, look at them.

In other Halloween-but-not-totally-related-news, our friend dressed up as Michael Myers and then freaking chased me with a scraping pitch fork. I was displeased. But the photo is ten kinds of awesome.

We’ll be trick-or-treating again on Sunday. You know. Halloween. Hopefully it’s a good time as well.

(So, yes, we’re ready for Halloween!)

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For more Wordless Wednesday, visit 5 Minutes for Mom.

Let’s get started.

1. To form the jacket, you have a few options. If you have a yellow, black, tan or red rain jacket on hand, you’re good to go. The good news is that at this time of year, rain jackets are usually on sale. The bad news is that they’re often very picked over. If you cannot find a rain jacket, get a small man’s dress shirt in black. Cut the hem off the bottom of the shirt (not the jacket!) and also remove the collar (again, shirt, not jacket).

2. If you are using a black or tan shirt or jacket, you need to locate some yellow tape. The good news is that the “official” brand of duct tape, Duck Tape, just so happens to make it in yellow. If you can’t find yellow in your area, grab the regular duct tape and paint it yellow with your child’s poster paint. If you are using red or yellow jacket, you need the regular silver colored duct tape. You want a stripe near the bottom of the shirt or jacket, three or so fingers from the bottom of the fire jacket. You want another stripe mid-chest. Lastly, put stripes on the bottom of each sleeve.

3. Place a flag sticker on either the upper left hand corner of the shirt or on the upper sleeve. You can find flag stickers very easily (here’s an example). If you are coming up short-handed, print one out and glue it onto the fire jacket.

4. Your fire pants are the easiest to find and fix. Simply get a pair of sweat pants (black would be acceptable no matter the color of jacket but if you can match to your jacket, more power to you!). Put another stripe of your colored tape near the bottom, again about three fingers up from the hem.

5. Now for the fire boots. If you have rain boots in black or yellow, you’re set. If not, take whatever rain boots you can find (remember, they’ll likely be on sale right now as snow boots are already flying off the shelves) and cover them with either yellow or black duct tape. Voila! Fire boots!

6. Locate a fire helmet. This is one you might already have, especially as your child’s school may have just sent one home in celebration of Fire Prevention Week. Depending on how much you want to spend, you can buy this fancy one for $20.99 (10.13.09) or go a little more low tech for $0.99. Your local brick-and-mortar stores may also carry fire helmets. You need one though so get to looking!

And voila! You have a little firefighter without sewing!

As an added bonus, if you used the silver duct tape (and possibly the yellow; someone let me know, please), it will be reflective if lights shine on it. While trick-or-treating at night isn’t your safest option, it is good to be safe if you’re heading outdoors when it is dark this Halloween season. I’ll be bringing you some Halloween safety tips in the near future. In the meantime, get to work on your sew-free firefighter costume. Feel free to send us pictures if you go this route!

Happy (homemade) firefighting!

It’s an Aeromax Toys costume! Once I knew that, I contacted them to ask if we could review the new yellow one in BigBrother’s size (4-6) so that we could have two firefighters running around the house. They happily obliged and, as such, two firefighters have been busy putting out fires in the backyard and visiting their daddy on the scene of big downtown fires. We’re pleased.

Let me tell you my favorite things about these Aeromax costumes.

1. They look real. FireDad’s biggest “reality” complaint is that the yellow costume should technically also have a black helmet. Otherwise, the yellow firefighter costume is just like the real thing at our local professional department where FireDad works, right down to the red suspenders.

2. Little details like the knee patches, brass clasps and reflective tape add that little extra “oomph.”

3. Let me reiterate one point: reflective tape. This is probably the safest costume on the market, in black or white. Shine a light at this costume or take a picture with flash and you’ll see what I mean. I really wouldn’t suggest sending your small child out by himself in the dark while dressed in a costume but the reflective tape makes for some extra-safe trick-or-treating if you’re not home by dusk.

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4. It comes with a helmet that isn’t flimsy or easily breakable. I know you have received a flimsy, red fire helmet from a fire safety day at school or at a birthday party. If you step on one of those, they’re done. Not so with these! In fact, if you step on one of these, your foot will pay, not the helmet.

5. Which brings me to my favorite point: this costume is not made of your typical, cheap costume material. This is heavy. This material withstands stopping, dropping and rolling down the hill as your child fights an imaginary fire. It isn’t going to rip just because one child runs away from another and they yank on the back of the other’s costume. It’s going to withstand one child’s use and well into the next kid’s abuse. We wear costumes frequently in this house and our older black one still looks as good as new.

There are two things I don’t like about the costumes.

1. The brass buckles are still too hard for even BigBrother to do on his own. Sometimes I convince him that he simply wants to zip his jacket instead of doing the buckles as well but, most of the time, he needs to be in full gear which includes his buckles being buckled. But, as a kid, when he decides, not quite ten minutes later, that he needs to take off his fire jacket, I have to help him undo the buckles as his fingers are not quite strong enough. I will say that the difference in two years from the black to the yellow costume have seen some improvement but they’re still too difficult.

2. The picture that comes on the costume shows the little firefighter with an axe. BigBrother was mighty ticked for a few days that there was no axe. (Also, no boots. We have fire boots on hand at all times so that’s not an issue for our family. Heads up for you.) While I don’t really want him to have an axe and am therefore okay with all of this, I just thought I would warn you. No axe. Be prepared for, “Where’s my axe?” Over and over. And over again.

If those are my only two negative points, I’m fine and you should be as well.

The firefighter costume comes in black, yellow and tan. Aeromax Toys also happens to make a wide array of other imaginative costumes for your future Astronaut, Doctor or Armed Forces Pilot. Among many other things! You should give it a look.

You can purchase the firefighter costume straight from Aeromax Toys’ website for $59.95. It’s also available on Amazon right now for $49.33 (October 5, 2009; price subject to change).

And, yes, TheBrothers are being firefighters for Halloween this year. In fact, the whole FireFamily will be going as a group of firefighters to a friend’s party. Look for pictures after Halloween! But here are two more of my favorites, taken in the aftermath of a recent downtown fire.

We’re fans of Aeromax Toys costume. You will be as well!

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[I contacted Aeromax Toys to request a costume for review. I posted my honest opinion on both the pros and cons of this particular costume. I received no further compensation from the company.]

[For more Wordless Wednesday, visit 5 Minutes for Mom.]