Last week a dear friend lost her mother. Today is the memorial service.
For someone who always has something to say, I feel useless. But this isn’t about me.
Today I will be holding Mom, Outnumbered, her husband, her children, her grandma, her sisters and brothers and in my heart. I may not be there in person, but I’m there in spirit holding my friend up as she honors her mom.
(PS: Hug or call your mom today. Okay?)
Fire spouses live with the realization that their partner-in-life can die. Well, we all realize that, I suppose, though the vast majority of us — fire families included — don’t care to think of it on a daily basis. There are very few things that I can imagine are worse than losing my firefighter, and they are all horrific thoughts that involve losing my children in some form or fashion. But let’s not go there today.
Recently, Mike Urban, a firefighter in Framingham, MA, lost a lengthy battle with mesothelioma. Viewing the photos of his ceremony, complete with firefighters in their dress uniforms and his casket on the fire truck, my heart simply breaks for the wife and family he left behind. As if it’s not bad enough to suddenly become a widow, it turns out that someone stole the firefighter’s helmet after the funeral.
Let that sink in for a minute. Someone stole the firefighter’s helmet after the funeral.
A firefighter’s helmet is a sacred thing. It keeps them safe. For those of us in the fire service, it is a symbol of protection and honor. And, after the death of a firefighter it is, most often, given to the widow(er) or the next of kin as a “memento,” very similar to the way that surviving spouses or family members are offered a flag after a soldier dies. It is one of those treasured “last things” that we as fire family members get from our firefighter.
And for one wife, it’s now missing.
I read the article and I would venture to guess that whomever stole the helmet probably didn’t realize what he/she was taking off with while robbing someone blind. They probably thought, “Cool! A laptop and a fire helmet!” But the truth is that now, as the news has hit the Internet, the blogosphere and local news stations in that area, that thief has to realize that it’s not cool. It’s not okay. While it’s never acceptable to steal things, stealing a deceased firefighter’s helmet is akin to stealing an urn.
I am hoping against hope that the thief will realize what the helmet means and will decide to simply leave it at the fire department. Quite honestly, I’d love if the person was caught and forced to hand it to the widow before being carried off to jail. But, at this point, I think the importance should be placed on the return of the helmet.
A reward of $1000 has been offered for the return of the helmet. Hopefully someone close to the thief realizes the meaning of that helmet and turns in the guilty party. Or, at the very least, hopefully someone close to the thief needs a thousand bucks.
[This photo is an oldie but a goodie. And that's the helmet I want for the reasons shown by this photo and so many more.]
A commenter on the article who is quite obviously not in the fire service asked if the widow just can’t be given another helmet until the original is returned. That’s like asking if you would like to have someone else’s ashes in the urn. It’s not the same thing. It’s not right. If my firefighter dies before I do, I want his helmet on our wall, not one of his fellow firefighters. I want the smell of him mixed with fire and a random stray hair of his. I want the helmet that kept him safe. I want a piece of him with me.
And Mike Urban’s wife deserves the same. I hope she gets it.