We had to bring home BigBrother’s girlfriend, A1, from preschool today. Her Mom had an appointment so we brought her home with us. (Through this experience we also learned that two booster seats of different brands and one Britax roundabout fit in the back seat of our GMC Sonoma. Win!) We stopped at the Fire Department so BigBrother could tell FireDad about his day. As I was saying my goodbyes, I hear BigBrother whisper across the row of car seats, “A1, I love you so much, too.”

Melt.

Later, as they had snack together in the kitchen, I heard, “A1, I love you,” followed by, “BB, I love you, too.”

More melting.

Now, in the living room, they’re sitting with barely any space between the two of them, holding hands, watching a Wubbzy DVD (to be reviewed soon) still whispering things about love. Just last week, after I informed him that he couldn’t, in fact, marry me since Daddy is already married to me, he told me that he was going to marry A1. And they were going to name their children the names of LittleBrother and A1. In all likelihood, they’ll probably just end up friends. (But there is this part of me that thinks, “Oh, wouldn’t it be nice to like my son’s in laws?” Because, yes, that would be nice.)

What warms my heart is that my oldest son hasn’t lost the desire to express love. He hasn’t been told to be a brute. He doesn’t have to push her down to let her know that he likes her, ala  the movie “He Just Not That Into You.” He may play basketball but he tells me that he loves me as he leaves the court, complete with a kiss. Even though mean and nasty anonymous commenters think that they know better, I think we’re doing just fine. If you want to raise the child that beats mine up, well, that’s your prerogative. We’ll stick with the concept of love, thank you very much.

That is, until LittleBrother makes a move on A1. He just brough his favorite yellow fire boot to her, said “silly!” and batted his little eyelashes. And then, just now, I asked him to give me a kiss, and he ran over to give A1 a kiss. Oh dear. I’m in trouble. Or, LittleBrother is in trouble. Or, maybe, BigBrother is in trouble. Or, perhaps, we’re all in trouble.

It’s Still Cool to Love is a post from Stop, Drop and Blog. Want more of Stop, Drop and Blog? Like our page on Facebook! If you have questions, contact me or hit me up via twitter.

I had just happened to put LittleBrother in his “Probie” shirt the other day. For you non-firefighters who are currently smirking, a probie is a probational firefighter. The “new kid” on the block. The one that you make do all the chores. You know, that one. BigBrother got this shirt for his first birthday. I had forgotten about it until just recently so we’re trying to get some good wear time out of it for LittleBrother before he has another growth spurt.

And so the story of my melting heart goes like this…

BigBrother went back to his room, got into his imagination clothes bin and came out with (one of) his fire helmet(s) on. He was stomping around and putting out fires. I then saw LittleBrother toddle back the hall. A few seconds later, he came toddling back down the hall with another fire helmet in hand. He brought it to me so I could put it on his head. And then he went off to stomp with his brother.

And I snapped this picture.

Forget the fact the the living room is covered with toys. Forget the fact that the picture is not technically amazing. Forget all of that. Look at the joy on LittleBrother’s face. Do you see it? Do you feel it? Because I see it and I feel it every time the two of them do something together. Together together and not just playing with separate toys side by side. While the latter is cute enough, to see them actually interested in doing things together melts me into a puddle of mommy goo.

For the most part, they get along quite well. There are issues when it comes to sharing Very Important Toys but we deal with those as they come. The story wasn’t the same for me. My brother was eight years younger and, as such, wasn’t the best playmate. Sure, he wanted to be just like me. But he did things that drove me insane like the time he painted my brand new bedspread with my oil paints. And while I do predict that these two will ruin things for one another, pictures like these fill me with such love. I know that they don’t realize how lucky they are right now. And when they’re teens, they probably won’t either. But my hope is that someday they can look back at a picture like this and smile.

[For more Love Thursday, visit Chookooloonks.]

Love Thursday: Being the Probie is a post from Stop, Drop and Blog. Want more of Stop, Drop and Blog? Like our page on Facebook! If you have questions, contact me or hit me up via twitter.

Our mountain vacation, as you may have read over on The Chronicles of Munchkin Land, was also a visit with the Munchkin and her family. It was a fabulous time for all of us. Somewhat relaxing for the two adults (you know, as relaxing as four children can be). And lots of fun for the kids. The Munchkin and I had some of our own moments but what touched me the most were the moments that TheBrothers had with their sister.

BigBrother had been talking about the visit for a full week. On the morning that we were set to leave, he had a small break down when I informed him that he still had to go to school first. He was so excited that he was jumping up and down, making it impossible to put pants on. The joy on his face was contagious, or, perhaps, my own joy at the visit was contagious. All the same, he was a happy little-big dude when we finally got there (only to be disappointed that his sister was sleeping). He enjoyed playing with the Munchkin and JD. There were small issues, of course, as there are when any children attempt to play together but, for the most part, they had a great time together.

What was even more touching for me was watching the Munchkin with LittleBrother. Due to circumstances that were really above and beyond the control of those involved who cared, LittleBrother had never met the Munchkin. I had talked about her since the day he was born, just as I had with BigBrother, but we were unable to get together until just now. Life happens, right? As such, watching my youngest child meet his sister and then follow her around like she was the best thing since Bee Crackers warmed the heck out of my mommy heart.

Some people teased me for taking close to 600 of my own pictures on our visit. These two pictures I’ve thrown together for today’s Love Thursday are a reason as to why I did such a thing. While we have another visit scheduled for this coming May, I need to be able to look back on happy moments like these when the dark days of grief roll in as they are bound to do. The healing process has hills and valleys. I’m still on that post-visit high right now. But there will be moments between now and the next picture-fest in which I will need to look at this picture and realize how truly blessed I am. I have so much.

To clarify: I  have so much love.

[For more Love Thursday, visit Chookooloonks.]

Love Thursday: Sibling Love is a post from Stop, Drop and Blog. Want more of Stop, Drop and Blog? Like our page on Facebook! If you have questions, contact me or hit me up via twitter.

The other day, while waiting for Santa to arrive on a fire truck, FireDad and I took some silly pictures. We do this a lot. I don’t know why. Perhaps because we’re silly. In fact, we’re still rather silly for one another. Through the sleepless nights, diapers, work drama, missed holidays due to work (and associated drama), postpartum depression, arguments, grumpy pants and general boringness of life… we’ve somehow found a way to stay silly with one another. Which is good as life can be far too serious sometimes. It’s good to laugh with one another.

We’ve been through a lot and, no doubt, there are things ahead that won’t be as funny as this series of pictures. But I think we both feel very blessed to be heading into each day together. We’re not perfect. But finding the humor in our mistakes has brought us thus far. Looking at the joy in our eyes, I have hope enough for the future.

Happy Anniversary, FireDad. You’ll always be my hero.

Love Thursday: Anyone Else But You is a post from Stop, Drop and Blog. Want more of Stop, Drop and Blog? Like our page on Facebook! If you have questions, contact me or hit me up via twitter.

Perhaps at Thanksgiving more than any other time of the year, I am just overwhelmed with the amazingness of my immediate, under-this-roof family. And I would double that feeling this year. As of Thanksgiving last year, I was 38 weeks, 4 days pregnant. I went into labor the following evening and LittleBrother officially joined our family on that Saturday after Thanksgiving. The boys were due the day after (BB) and the week after (LB) Thanksgiving and, so, it is probably expected that I am filled with love and memories and general feelings of thankfulness for their existence around this beautiful holiday.

A year ago, my life was nothing like it is today. I was uncomfortable. And huge. And chasing a newly-turned two year old around while uncomfortable and huge. It was no easy task. Now, less huge, I am chasing a newly-turned three year old and a newly-turned one year old around and around and around. And sometimes they chase me back. And we laugh. And we cry. And we learn. And we change. FireDad and I have both been experienced great opportunity this year; he has been teaching many fire classes and I’ve been writing and writing and writing. It’s been an amazing year.

As I put my two boys to bed last night, I was amazed at the changes we have been through this year. Good. Hard. Indifferent. The growth, itself, has been amazing. BigBrother no longer possesses those baby cheeks. LittleBrother is no longer a newborn. Or a baby as he’s technically a toddler. It’s just amazing.

Today we’re off to The Farm to celebrate Thanksgiving with my family. And we’ll be thankful. Even when BigBrother won’t eat the food. Or LittleBrother throws up on my sweater. Or FireDad makes an inappropriate joke in front of Great-Grandma. We’ll be thankful for it all. For we are so very blessed.

Happy Thanksgiving! (And Love Thursday!)

Love Thursday: Thankful for my Boys is a post from Stop, Drop and Blog. Want more of Stop, Drop and Blog? Like our page on Facebook! If you have questions, contact me or hit me up via twitter.

Last week I talked about how my older son changed me by simply entering our lives. I learned to love myself. That learning process wasn’t without fault, of course, and was furthered by the birth of our second son, LittleBrother.

I will admit: I had no idea how hard it was going to be going from parenting one child to parenting two children. I figured that I already knew how to do the majority of things and that it would be a piece of cake. I figured that since I had already endured sleep deprivation with BigBrother, it wouldn’t be an issue in those first few months after LittleBrother was born.

I, my readers, was an optimistic moron.

It was a thousand times harder than I ever imagined. It’s funny, really. Just like our brains somehow magically forget the pain of childbirth, thus allowing us to get pregnant and birth another/other child(ren), our brains somehow magically forget the bad stuff about parenting a newborn, thus allowing us to start parenting that next child we have just birthed. I had forgotten, completely, that I loathed sleep deprivation. Granted, I had tricks up my sleeve and knew to do things earlier on with LittleBrother than I did with his older counterpart. But guess what: some things that worked for BigBrother? Didn’t work with LittleBrother. Who knew! (I’ll tell you: parents of two or more who neglected to share this info. Trickery. Parenthood trickery!)

I tried to find my rhythm. I tried to get into a groove. To find some semblance of normalcy. But then BigBrother started to potty train. And LittleBrother had his tongue issue. And then I was diagnosed with postpartum depression. It was not an easy time in my life. I was overtired and out of hope that things would ever get easier.

I swear this post gets back to love. Please keep reading.

But I kept on. Through it all, I knew that I loved this new little boy with all of my being. I was blessed in the fact that while he still needed to do things like eat in the middle of the night, he was a remarkably easy baby. (Both boys were and are good sleepers so I know how lucky I am in that regard.) LittleBrother’s smile, so precious, would bring tears to my eyes. Tears of joy. And tears of guilt at times that I wasn’t getting my act together as quickly as I did after BigBrother was born. I felt like I was cheating him. But he never seemed to notice. He, maybe more so than his brother, is a Mama’s Boy despite the hardship of those first months. Apparently I didn’t fail him completely.

And now, four days away from his first birthday, I have found that semblance of normal. It is so vastly different than our previous definition of normal in this household. I have to wake up earlier to get my work done but I don’t always get to go to sleep earlier. (I do try.) I am more quick to admit defeat and ask for help from any number of people. I have also pushed myself to pursue things of interest to me in the past few months including joining a local chorale and escaping one day a week for coffee with friends. As of my last appointment with my therapist, I can say that I have beaten, again, the ugly monster that is PPD. I am stronger for it, I believe.

I’m rambling. Birthdays make me ramble.

This first year has been a blur. And I just shared a bunch of not-so-awesome stuff with you that many parents of two or more don’t always share. But I’ll be honest: they’re not doing it to trick you. They’re doing it because by the time that first birthday rolls around, those not-so-awesome moments have already begun to fade. They have now been replaced with this overwhelming love for my family. I am so very, very blessed to be the mother of these two boys and the wife of this strong man. I am so very, very blessed to have beaten PPD not once now but twice. I am so very, very blessed to have made it through this year with happy memories in tact. I am so very, very blessed that LittleBrother joined our family and has, like his brother, shaped me into who I am at this very moment.

I am not a Perfect Mommy. Instead, I am a Mommy with fault, a real Mommy. I am a Mother who has come through a dark tunnel and is ready to keep on traveling. I am a Mother forever changed, and forever blessed, by love.

Happy Love Thursday. (Birthday week always makes me reflective, no? Look for a nostalgia laden post about how LittleBrother has changed in this past year on his birthday this coming Monday.)

Love Thursday: Blessed by Two is a post from Stop, Drop and Blog. Want more of Stop, Drop and Blog? Like our page on Facebook! If you have questions, contact me or hit me up via twitter.

Three years ago, I was just entering my 38th week of pregnancy. My appointment wouldn’t come for another three days. I would be weighed. The nurse would balk at the nine pounds gained in six days. My urine would be checked. The nurse would balk at the protein. My blood pressure would be checked. The nurse would immediately fetch the doctor. And we would be sent to the hospital for immediate induction. The following day, BigBrother would enter this world and begin changing everything from that very first breath.

It all seems so long ago, almost as if the memory belongs to someone else. For surely, I must tell you, there is no way that my precious little baby could be turning three this coming Monday. I just blinked. That’s all that happened.

Today, on Love Thursday, I am more cognizant of how I have changed in the past three years than about the changes he has gone through as I’ll delve into those in great, nostalgic detail on Monday. Right now I am sitting at a kitchen table that is covered in new pictures that arrived, a folder of preschool information, a calendar that I can’t keep up to date, invitations to a birthday party for a child that is not the one I was expecting on this day three years ago, a check for a t-shirt order for the child I was expecting three years ago, sippy cups, mail and dust. Oh, the dust.

The pants I am wearing are a size bigger. My hair has changed a billion and one times. My refrigerator is covered with the best darn artwork known to mankind. I don’t have time to focus on figuring out why my skin is constantly broken out. And I’m the happiest I have been in eons.

My patience is simultaneously shorter and longer. Perhaps my patience is best explained in that I have little patience for outside-of-family interruptions and more patience for things that matter most. I have done things that I said I would never do as a parent. I have done things I never thought to say I would never do. And I have grown and evolved even with the things I said I would definitely do.

I have changed. I am more than just BigBrother’s (or LittleBrother’s) mommy. It is true that BigBrother has helped me grow into that role, into that skin. But he has also helped me realize how important it is to take time for myself. To develop my interests and pursue my dreams. The sparkle in his eyes, shaped so much like my own, have reminded me to rekindle my own sparkle and go after the things that I desire. Being his mommy has reminded me of what is important and what can wait. And in learning that, I have become a better person.

If I would have had a moment to glimpse into the future on this day three years ago, I would have laughed at myself. I would have told myself to clean this table. To finish the laundry. To dress better while going to pick up my son from preschool. I would have questioned why my children were so close in age. I would have berated myself for so many things.

But in the past three years, I have learned that loving my children as best I can means that I need to love myself as best I can. And I think that’s a lesson in love that we could all learn from today. All of the changes in the past three years boil down to learning how to love myself despite my faults or, perhaps, because of my faults.

Happy Love Thursday, all.

Love Thursday: Loving Me, Too is a post from Stop, Drop and Blog. Want more of Stop, Drop and Blog? Like our page on Facebook! If you have questions, contact me or hit me up via twitter.

A friend of mine snapped this candid shot (at an Obama rally!) and I’m just in love with it. LittleBrother had just recently woken up from a nap on my chest in the mei tai. We were both enjoying the randomly warm and beautiful day. These are the moments that I don’t get to see through my own lens as a photographer. The head thrown back laughter. The response smile and laugh from my youngest child.  How we “look” to the outside public.

I love this photo for that reason. I got to see us in a single, solitary moment. And, gee, we look happy.

For more Love Thursday, visit Shutter Sisters.

Love Thursday: Candid Smiles is a post from Stop, Drop and Blog. Want more of Stop, Drop and Blog? Like our page on Facebook! If you have questions, contact me or hit me up via twitter.

I know that I’ve written before on Love Thursdays about my two boys and the fact that they are starting to play together. But, man, in the last week, they have made some strides together regarding playtime and I am just overwhelmed with this love for the two of these boys.

We’ve been spending a lot of time in the playroom, the three of us, as LittleBrother is now really old enough to play with a large majority of the toys with my supervision. There are still some minor worries like BigBrother’s cars and trains with little wheels but, for the most part, it’s a safe place with my presence.

They often play independently. LittleBrother chases one of the billion-and-one balls around the room, chanting “ball!!” over and over again while BigBrother crashes trains and cars and fire trucks off of his table and onto the floor. Or his own foot. Or his brother’s head. Or my foot. It’s great fun. But, as I said, in the past week, they’ve been doing this thing where they actually play together. And not just roll around on the floor and laugh-slash-wrestle (though there’s some of that, too). But actually play.

A few examples: BigBrother let LittleBrother sit at the table (I had to help him into the chair which made him very excited) and not just touch his Lightning McQueen but push it off the table into a firey (or, notsofirey) crash below. Laughter ensued. They then pushed the cars back and forth for awhile until LittleBrother fell off his chair onto my foot. If it’s not one thing it’s another, right? They’ve also been enjoying cooking in their kitchen. (Why, yes, my boys have a kitchen! Why wouldn’t they?) LittleBrother loves opening the doors and they both love making noise with the metal pots that my Mom bought for them. (Gee, thanks, Mom!)

The picture series above (click to view it in a larger size), though, is of one of the many games they are starting to play together. BigBrother was peeking under one side of the easel. LittleBrother was then hiding his face and then playing peekaboo by looking around the side. The laughter was contagious. You can also see LittleBrother’s scrunchy face which was featured in last week’s Love Thursday post. It’s all very awesome, really. Quite honestly, I could have been waving flags, singing the ABC’s and banging on the metal pots and pans and these two would not have cared one lick about what I was doing. They were so infatuated with each other’s presence.

This is so what we wanted for our boys.

That said, BigBrother doesn’t always share. And I think LittleBrother is teething again because he’s been bitey the past few days. In fact, he bit BigBrother’s lip last week. Yikes on that one! All the same, those run-ins don’t even make a dent in the awesomeness that is currently taking place. I’m sure I’ll need to look back at this post in a year or two (or next week) to remind myself that my kids once loved each other without hesitation but, well, I don’t want to think about those days yet. I want to live in this moment.

I want to love in this moment.

For more Love Thursday, visit Shutter Sisters.

Love Thursday: Peekaboo is a post from Stop, Drop and Blog. Want more of Stop, Drop and Blog? Like our page on Facebook! If you have questions, contact me or hit me up via twitter.

Last night was BigBrother’s preschool “Open House.” We were worried about how he would behave as it was very close to his bedtime and totally out of the norm of his schedule. (Yes, this previously non-scheduling Mama is all about the schedule. Shoot me.) Surprising us all, he was actually super well-behaved. So we got to go out for a treat afterward. LittleBrother, however, not being a year old yet, wasn’t allowed to partake in the treat so we had to keep him otherwise entertained as the bag of puffs was not satisfactory while we were all chowing down on ice cream.

Horrible parents, I know.

FireDad was busy playing peek with LittleBrother for quite some time. I was busy snapping pictures. And BigBrother was going to town on a kid sized cone. LittleBrother currently has this nose-scrunched face that applies to being happy, sad, mad, excited, bored, hungry, done eating or, really, any emotion at all. We’re in love with the nose-scrunched face and we try to get him to make it at any possible chance. He was in a nose-scrunching mood last night and was making it every time FireDad said, “BOO!”

Then I found out where he gets the face from: direct from FireDad.

BigBrother is me. He has my eyes (100%). He has my face in general. In fact, he looks exactly like my little brother did at that age. He also has a lot of my personality. You know: stubborn, loud and most-excellent. On the flip side, LittleBrother is 100% his Daddy. No two questions. Face shape. Eyes. Eyelashses to die for. Laid back personality. And apparently the nose-scrunched face. I didn’t realize this until I snapped the picture. No, FireDad wasn’t imitating LittleBrother and no he wasn’t doing this on purpose for the camera. This is totally natural. And it totally warmed my heart.

I love our little family. Scrunch-nose faces and all.

More Love Thursday can be found at Shutter Sisters.

Love Thursday: Big Similar Smiles is a post from Stop, Drop and Blog. Want more of Stop, Drop and Blog? Like our page on Facebook! If you have questions, contact me or hit me up via twitter.