Maybe I Am a Girl After All

I pushed my chair back from my desk and shuffled out of my office to unlock the garage door. I wanted to help out as I figured my husband’s hands would be full. He had been out running errands with LittleBrother; I imagined he had bags in his hands and it’s never easy to unlock the door while telling the kid to be patient and pushing past the dog who just wants to love you love you love you.

I opened the door and in they walked.

LittleBrother held up an obvious shaped package wrapped in green tissue paper.

“These are for you, Mommy!”

I reached down and took the package from his hands. “Well, what are these?”

“They’re flowers!”

He went to take off his shoes in the mudroom. “We got them at the flower shop.”

My husband planted a kiss on my lips and went about getting things out of the car.

I gently pulled apart the stapled green tissue paper. Red roses greeted me and I smiled. I found the scissors and trimmed them, diagonally. I found one of my favorite vases for roses; it’s just the right height. I slipped the flowers into the vase and pulled them back out. I trimmed another inch off so they would sit just right. I filled the vase with water and set my flowers down in, moving this rose here and that rose there. I smiled and took a big whiff.

Normally, I place any flowers I get on the dining room table so that all who walk from the living room into the dining room and kitchen will see their beautiful display. I began walking toward the table when I paused, turned around, and walked back to my office.

This work week was quite busy. Longer hours and big deadlines meant that I spent a lot of time at my desk. I moved my planner and set my pile of papers that needed to be addressed off to the side, making room for the roses. I settled the vase into a corner next to the tissue box and stood back. I nodded to myself.

All week as I worked, I occasionally looked up and smiled. I felt loved. I felt remembered. I felt honored. I felt like the work I was doing and the hours I was putting in “away” from my family, if only just down the hall, were worth it because I felt respected in the work I do for my family — which includes my job and the laundry and the menu planning and the reading of books and the tickling and the disciplining and the reminders to brush teeth and the dog walking and the boo-boo kissing.

The week didn’t start out particularly well. I thought it was doomed from the start. But one little thoughtful action, something I would have said wouldn’t have mattered to me, made a difference in my week.

I Am Loved

I am loved. And that makes all the difference.

 

 

The Color Run - Happiest 5k Run

“I Love. I Have Loved. I Will Love.”

Very few things exist for which I will pull myself out of bed at 4:45 in the morning.

My children. My husband. Emergencies, like fires. Bathroom breaks. And best friends.

Aww. @2princessmama is the prettiest bride.

Best friends who get married at 8:00am on Halloween.

I made myself pretty, downed some coffee and drove an hour and a bit — the bit because a train got in my way — to stand by the side of my friend as she pledged her life to the man she loves. Matron of honor, the title stands. More like Matron of Awesome. I helped get the dress on. I calmed nerves. I spilled coffee on the floor. I carried things.

Matron of Honor (me!) and Bride @2princessmama

I sniffled back tears as they read the vows they wrote. I held flowers made from the pages of books. I wore sexy green shoes at eight o’clock in the morning on a Wednesday in October.

Dear @2princessmama thx for giving me a reason to wear #sexygreenshoes at 8am on a Wednesday.

Because I believe in love.

Happy wedding! @2princessmama

I believe we deserve love.

I believe in second chances. I believe we deserve second chances. And third. And tenth.

I believe in happy endings. (Not that kind. Or, well.) I believe in happy beginnings. And happy middles. I believe in hard times and mad times and “I don’t want to look at you” times. I believe in communicating and listening and talking and talking it to death. I believe in looking each other in the eye, even when you don’t want to. I believe in passion. In heart. In soul. In everything.

I believe in it all.

Best Matron of Honor ever! @2princessmama

And so I stood and I witnessed and I loved too, right along with them. I believed. The rain fell, ironic or not, and the remnants of hurricane band winds blew and the school kids waiting to get on the bus looked on probably wondering why the heck someone was getting married that early in the morning and the presents got left in my purse because I was so taken, so enamored, with the wholeness of it all.

rain-bride-collage

I smiled.

Because I believed.

Me and my love, after @2princessmama's wedding. #ustoday

Congrats, Amanda and Wes. You are one of us now. Puke, gag, and all the love in the world.

“There is only one page left to write on. I will fill it with words of only one syllable. I love. I have loved. I will love.”
–Audrey Niffenegger, The Time Traveler’s Wife