Well, we did it! I am so happy to announce that we hit our goal. To be fair, it was a small goal as we only realized that the Pittsburgh walk was one that we could attend just a little over two weeks ago. In fact, we went over our goal. We are currently, as of Friday morning, sitting at $170 when we had just hoped and dreamed to raise $100. We hit that because of the kindness of internet friends. We thank you from the bottom of our hearts.

Quite honestly, I’m pleased to be getting back into the yearly fundraiser for March of Dimes. We knew that when we went to conceive BigBrother (and were successful) that he ran the risk of being premature. In fact, due to my kidney disorder, all of my children faced that risk. As such, I felt that it was important to be involved with the March of Dimes walk. (Back then it was called WalkAmerica. Now it’s called the March for Babies.) And so, in 2005, I walked for the first time, just a few months pregnant with BigBrother.

See BigBrother? Kind of?

The following year, ecstatic that BigBrother had made it to full-term (38w4d), we knew we had to walk again. Of course, that full-term badge was hard fought. I was put on bed rest at 30 weeks during that pregnancy. In the end, my kidney was not very cooperative and I went toxemic, resulting in an induction and a difficult labor and delivery. However, BigBrother was born at a healthy 8 pounds, 8 ounces and was as healthy as healthy could be. I was very grateful for the knowledge and procedures that had helped us keep him in my womb and healthy until he needed to be delivered and so, we walked again. In fact, in 2006, I was the #3 fundraiser in our local county walk. (I have a plaque on my wall!) BigBrother walked with me and actually made it on the news. (It didn’t hurt that, at the time, I was still working for our local news station.)

In 2007, I wasn’t allowed to walk. The pregnancy with LittleBrother started out complicated, eased up for a little bit and went back to being complicated until the end. Thankfully, once again thanks to the types of research that the March of Dimes does, he was born full-term (38w6d) and weighed a healthy 7 pounds, 7 ounces. I was so grateful. But we couldn’t walk in 2008 either. Due to my battle with post-partum depression, I couldn’t motivate myself to walk around the block, let alone raise money or walk three miles. (But that’s a different cause and a different post.) And so, we sat. And I felt horrible about it.

This year, I didn’t think we would be able to get involved either. When our local county’s walk took place, I was speaking in Cleveland at the National Adoption Conference. When I realized this conflict of time, I decided we would go another year without walking. I was upset about it but figured we’d donate our normal amount to someone else’s walk and all would be well with the world.

And then the word of Maddie spread like wildfire.

While we made appropriate donations, we still felt kind of helpless. The other bloggers started to band together. As March for Babies teams walking in Maddie’s honor and memory started to pop up all over the country, >another blogger made that information readily accessible. It was at that point that I learned my hometown (Pittsburgh) walk was on a weekend during which I was 100% free. I immediately signed up (even before I noticed that one of my favorite bloggers was also walking in that particular group). We made a goal and posted about it.

And here we are, on the eve of the walk. Walking not only for the healthy children I know and love but for the beautiful, amazing little girl taken far too soon.

We’ll be leaving for The Farm this evening to stay with my parents so as to have a shorter drive in the morning. We’ll be meeting the Burgh Moms and Dads at 9:15 to get our purple shirts. Someone donated the money to purchase said shirts. I even purchased another two for TheBrothers even though LittleBrother will be swimming in his extra small. Our goal is to take a picture with the river in the background and send it as a thank you to our sponsors. I can assure you that one or both boys will be crying. That’s how these things go, of course.

It’s bittersweet, really. Getting to be involved with an organization we love so dearly is wonderful. Finally meeting someone I’ve known for years, someone who has sent me gifts, is totally awesome. Raising money to help mothers and babies is something I simply love doing. But thinking of the loss of Maddie, especially this weekend, is something I think we can all agree is difficult for any mother to imagine. My heart breaks when I think of Heather this weekend. I want to snuggle all of my children a little bit closer.

Sunday is actually my least favorite day of the year. However, starting tomorrow, I’ve decided to put a different spin on the day/weekend. I’ll tell you all about it on the (offending) day but know that I want all of you to have a beautiful Mother’s Day weekend. Even if you aren’t participating in a March for Babies walk this weekend, consider doing something for another mother, for another child.

And always keep marching on.

[If you're still interested in donating, you can do so at my page. Burgh Moms and Dads have raised a cumulative total, as of writing, of $4369 while our goal was $4500. Just a little bit of help? Yes?]

It’s raining off and on today, this first day of May. I’m pleased. Why?

On rainy days, we tend to stay home. I hate dragging both boys out in rain storms, especially as LittleBrother is now of an age where he prefers to walk places. If I could just toss him in a carrier, grab BigBrother’s hand and make a run for it, well, that would be much more tolerable. Right now, the slow pace at which we must walk and the lure of puddles leave us away from the public on rainy days.

So, we’re stuck at home. And with today being the first day of the month, that means I have finished all of April’s deadlines and have thirty days in which to complete May’s deadlines. Sure, someone who was really making the most of her time might launch into tackling certain things today. But this month is looking to be somewhat crazy. I think I deserve a day of ignoring my boss’s instant messages, don’t you agree?

What’s going on this month?

To be honest, the first full week of the month is rather tame. I do have two rehearsals for our Spring Show but nothing is overly demanding that week. Normal things like school and the never-ending-laundry-pile will need to be taken care of but, really, it should be okay. Until that weekend.

On Saturday, May 9, we’re walking in the March for Babies walk (joining the Burgh Moms and Dads March for Maddie) in Pittsburgh. (I’ll finally be meeting Burgh Baby’s Mom even though I feel like I’ve known her for years. Oh, wait, I have.) We’re currently at $75 of our $100 goal. (Care to donate? Go here.) Then we have to be home on the morning of the 10th for my least favorite day of the year, Mother’s Day! FireDad actually works that day so I’ll be busying myself taking care of our Evenflo Comfort Select Performance giveaway (and quite possibly another; stay tuned).

And then Show Week arrives. While we only have dress rehearsal on Monday, Wednesday (which is FireDad’s birthday, mind you) and Thursday, Tuesday will be a crazy full day of cleaning. Why? On Friday, which is opening night of our Spring Show, the Munchkin and family (D, JD and M) all arrive for a timely visit. We have performances on Friday and Saturday night. On Sunday morning, BigBrother has his preschool program at the church which holds his school followed by his picnic at the park. I then have to be at the theater by 1:00 to get ready for our Sunday afternoon performance. While I’m off singing my heart out, FireDad, D and M will be getting a small gathering ready at the house or the park (we don’t yet know for certain) so that my closest friends can a) celebrate the ending of my first Spring Show and b) allow my closest friends to finally meet D, JD, Munchkin and M. We may possibly be throwing in some photographs on the following morning.

And while a sane person might have planned a week of rest after such a crazy week, no, I sure didn’t. On Wednesday, May 20, we’re heading to Dayton to see Thomas & Friends Live! On Stage: A Circus Comes to Town thanks to MomSelect. (A happy note is that still, non-flash cameras are now allowed thanks to Mom Bloggers who spoke up about that policy. I love mom bloggers!)

We’ll round out the month with Memorial Day which will likely involve riding in the fire truck and a picnic of some sort. I hope someone else is handling the picnic. I sure don’t want to consider it at this point. I mean, when I sit back and read over what I have just written, I haven’t included things like meals, cleaning, that never-ending-pile-of-laundry, reviews I have scheduled, meetings, the launch of a huge project blog that will benefit moms in South-Eastern Ohio, books I want/need to read, working with BigBrother on reading, t-ball games, continuing to sit in the bathroom with LittleBrother every twenty minutes as he figures out this potty thing and… you know… work. Yikes. I’m overwhelmed.

But in the time that it took me to write this post, the sun came back out. Is this a good sign? Will the May Shower bring some great, happy memories? One can only hope. One can only hope.

Words will never be enough.

Instead, the FireFamily released balloons this past Saturday for Maddie. We had talked about what we were doing with BigBrother ahead of time, that we were sending balloons to Maddie in heaven. And I’m glad we did it ahead of time…

Because as the wind swept those balloons away much more quickly than I had anticipated, I had to blink back the tears as I attempted to get a few photographs. I kept thinking, “No! Slow down! I just want a few more moments! I just need a few more moments.” And then, as I was snapping the pictures and those balloons kept racing away from us, I realized that’s likely how Maddie’s parents felt. Feel. I was overcome with the realities of the loss of such an innocent, beautiful life. I had no words left to share with my boys. I simply held my oldest son tightly as I struggled to carry him back to our truck. He’s far too big for me to carry him anymore…

But I just needed a few more moments. I figure there will never be enough moments to be had.

Today, on the day Maddie’s family is celebrating her life, we are wearing purple (clothes and on our blog) in honor and in remembrance. Today we continue to hug our boys just a little tighter while saying a prayer for those who know a loss that no one should ever have to know. Today we acknowledge that life is too fragile while simultaneously wanting to ignore that fact.

Today we thank the Spohr family for sharing Maddie with the rest of us.

As of late last night, we have decided to join the Burgh Moms & Dads March for Babies walk for Maddie on May 9, 2009. We have a small goal as we hadn’t planned on walking this year due to the fact that I’m speaking at a conference in Cleveland on the day of Columbus’ walk. However, I feel we need to ignore the crazy schedule we have starting on March 11th and join in the walk this year. We’ll be there. With purple on. Will you be there?

[As a reminder, you can still donate to the paypal account set up for the family to handle the costs associated with this sudden loss. You can also donate to the Spohr family's March for Babies walk to be held on April 25, 2009.]

Yesterday was a hard day. Monday was a hard day. Sunday was particularly rough. I woke up this morning almost dreading another day of Grumpypants in the FireHouse. And then I read about Maddie.

Heather (@mamaspohr) from The Spohrs are Multiplying (blog currently being re-hosted) had a string of normal tweets yesterday. Followed by some in the hospital as Maddie was being treated for RSV. And then a quick tweet that she was being intubated. And then the awful, unexpected news that Maddie had passed away.

I dripped tears into my coffee as I thought about how I started my morning today. Maddie was only thirteen days older than our LittleBrother. I couldn’t take back the Grumpypants from the past few days. I couldn’t magically make my headache disappear. But I could hug those two little boys (and send love across the miles to a Munchkin). I could change my Grumpypants today and give thanks for all that we have in our home, in our family and in our lives. And I could say a prayer for Heather and Mike at this horrible time.

The FireFamily will be donating to March of Dimes in honor of Maddie as the family has requested in lieu of flowers. They have also requested that people wear purple (which BigBrother happens to own) for the services. A PayPal account has also been set up for donations for the upcoming expenses. You can donate to formaddie@hotmomreviews.com via PayPal. More information can be found via Meghan’s blog while the Spohr’s site is being relocated.

In the meantime, please go follow @PrincessJenn on twitter as she is the loving, awesome person who took over when Bluehost refused to put the Spohr’s site back online due to bandwidth issues. I spoke to them on the phone and am appalled at their lack of compassion. Send @PrincessJenn a tweet of thanks for certain. Right now, watching the mom blogging community pull together for one of their own, I am reminded why I love this place, this blogosphere, so very much. Kudos to all those who pulled together and who will continue to support this family in their time of need.

The FireFamily sends our condolences, our prayers and our grief to the Spohr Family.

Edited to Add: Mirror site is now live. Please visit Remember Maddie.

[Comments here are closed. Please visit Meghan's blog to comment and/or learn how to donate until the Spohr's blog is live again.]