We did it. We survived our first Joint Birthday Party for the boys just yesterday. I say first because I’m afraid that there will be many, many more to come as the boys birthdays fall one week apart. I had and, really, still have some reservations about the concept of doubling up to have one birthday party for both boys, but the pros far outweigh the cons. For us, at least.

Before I jump into the pros and cons, however, I have to mention that this concept was a complete departure from my previously beliefs. When Britney Spears had her second son just days after her first son’s birthday, someone commented that she’d at least have it easy and could have their birthday parties on the same day. I exclaimed in horror that I would never do such a thing. That’s probably why LittleBrother was born exactly one week after BigBrother’s second birthday. While I am eight years older than my brother, our birthdays are only eleven days apart. My parents never threw a joint birthday party. I’d assume most of this was due to age. In later years when we both had friend parties, we each got to have a big friend party every other year. On the off year, we just had cake and ice cream and presents with our parents.

So I was staunchly opposed to the concept of dual birthday parties. Until I realized that throwing two parties in a seven day time period with Thanksgiving thrown into the mix seemed like sanity suicide. And, here we are, one day out from our Joint Birthday Party. Here’s what we think of it.

Pros

• Timing wise, it’s so much easier. One party and you’re done. Friends and family also find it easier to attend and neither child feels slighted as they would if a friend could attend one party  but not the other. Furthermore, if you have family or friends that have to travel quite a distance, like my family, they only have to do so once.
• One big cake or two little cakes instead of two big cakes. Hooray! We have a big family so we need a big cake. As such, if we were having two parties, we’d have to have two big cakes. This year, we got one big cake as they both wanted the same design. Next year we may go with two smaller (but equaling one big) cakes if they want a different design.
• No one feels left out. While we still make a big deal about their individual days (see below), the other one can feel left out if a party is thrown in honor of the other. I do believe that’s a life lesson (“not all parties are for us”), it’s still hard. One party ensures that two little boys feel special.

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• One invitation! Even if you don’t send it because you’re sidelined by the swine flu. Whoops.

Cons

• The realization of price. If you’ve only thrown singular parties in the past, you have been blessed to separate the costs. When the cost is thrown into one party, you may be caught off guard. Six balloons for each birthday boy resulted in a much higher cost than I expected. Sure, I would have paid the same for two separate parties with six balloons each. It’s just the realization of cost that is somewhat off-putting. On the flip side, you only need one set of plates as opposed to two. So, maybe it works out in the end.
• Age differences do matter at times. I’m the first to say that age doesn’t matter. Much. In a birthday party setting, it can. I had to help LittleBrother open his presents (though he got it by the end) so I couldn’t pay as much attention to BigBrother opening his presents. That kind of stings my Mommy Heart a little bit. Things like music choices and age appropriate games may be difficult for some age gaps or certain years. Age difference issues also come into play with regard to child-friend attendees. Keep that in mind when making your guest list.
• Attendees have to bring two gifts. Granted, like the realization of price, they’d be bringing one gift to two separate parties anyway but it’s that realization that can be a negative thing for some people.

Of course, the biggest con that every parent fears is that the children will feel slighted in some way. Everyone deserves their special day, don’t they? That’s why we still have a (small, homemade) cake with each boy on their individual birthdays. We also give them their birthday presents from us on their birthday-days, not at their birthday party. We want them to realize that they are special and that they are loved. We also want them to realize that they have family members who love them very much and want to be included in the celebration and, as such, it’s just easier for them to attend one party than two. Life lessons again. Shouldn’t birthdays be exempt from life lessons? I don’t know.

I do know that it worked for us. This year. I’m curious as to how it will work in years to come. Judy left a great comment on our previous post as to how her family made it work though that gives me hope.

My one sister and I are two years and one day apart and we used to have joint parties. Then when we were older, we would have parties on the same day but in different rooms of the house (doing the fun stuff separately but cake and opening present at the same time? I think???).

That’s an idea to keep in mind for the future when they’re old enough to entertain their friends on their own. That’s also an idea to keep in mind when we look to purchase our next home (three years from now) so that we have enough space to shuffle children off into separate rooms. Mark that down on my “want list” for our future purchase.

In the end, I’m really glad we went with the joint party. The idea of having another birthday party next weekend, Thanksgiving weekend, makes me twitch just a little bit. I’m sure if I made my family travel out here two weekends in a row just to endure a kid’s birthday party that they might be a little twitchy as well. I think we’ll have to revisit this topic again, each year, to assess and reassess whether joint parties actually work for us but, as for this year, it was a success.

Exhausting. But a success!

If you have experience with joint parties working, not working or needing to change your approach over the years, I would appreciate a comment!

I’ve been forced to think about the similarities and differences between my two boys this week. As BigBrother celebrated his fourth birthday with pancakes for breakfast, pierogies for supper, cake and a stack of presents, LittleBrother happily tagged along. I mean, he got to eat all of the same foods and join in the festivities. That is, he got to join in until the birthday present opening process.

He sat on FireDad’s lap, watching his older brother open his presents. He started out with a smile. It faded over time. (Of course, so did mine because BigBrother was taking an eternity to open each present very precisely and remove every possible scrap of paper from his newly acquired toys and gifts.) LittleBrother never cried. He didn’t grab anything away from his brother but you could see his thought process. It went something like this: “Oh! Brother is opening a present! Look at that! It’s a game! Oh, now he’s taking the next present off the pile. A puzzle! He’s taking another one? And another one! OH! LOOK! JESSIE! But that’s his, too? What the flying frig is going on here, Batman?”

Or something of that nature.

I tried to explain that his birthday was next week. “Next week” means almost nothing when you’re just shy of two, even if your vocabulary is somewhat insane. That said, he’s going to be rather miffed because I didn’t think to also get him a Jessie doll and when he opens his presents at the party this Sunday and on his birthday this coming Tuesday and finds that he does not, in fact, have a Jessie doll, well, the world will likely end. Forget 2012. The Earth will shatter on Tuesday, November 24, 2009. That said, BigBrother is likely to be equally peeved that he did not get a gigantic dump truck nor a whole series of construction vehicles for his birthday. I can’t please anyone.

I’m okay with that. Mostly.

I’ve been learning that having a sibling so close has to be frustrating for these two boys. I found it frustrating to have a sibling eight years younger than me when I was growing up but, to be fair, if he annoyed me, I just went to my room and shut the door. End of drama. LittleBrother follows BigBrother everywhere. Alone time is minimal except for naps, bedtime and when BigBrother goes to school, giving LittleBrother some one-on-one time here at home. Even their birthdays are in close succession; they end up with a joint birthday party due to travel distance and the Thanksgiving holiday. That’s why it was so important for me to make a big deal out of each of their birthday-days. Unfortunately, LittleBrother has no concept of time and, as of right now, feels like he got shorted. I feel bad. Hopefully this coming Tuesday will make up for it.

On a different level, I feel bad for BigBrother at times. I know why as well. I was the older sibling, as I said, by eight years. I was always expected to be the “bigger person” but, man, my brother was a professional at testing my patience. LittleBrother knows all the right buttons to push in order to get BigBrother to melt down, freak out or otherwise lose his cool. I’ve heard myself say, “You’re the big brother. He’s still learning. Please behave.” Oh, ugh! If ever I have sounded like my parents, that was it! Yes, it’s true. He is the older brother. Yes, it’s true. His younger brother is still learning things like sharing, taking turns and other social norms. But BigBrother is only four. Sharing, at any age, isn’t all that fun. Always having to be the “bigger person” sucked for me. I don’t want BigBrother to feel that I was always on his case and gave his brother too much leeway. Do I? I don’t know. Where is that balance?

It would help if their personalities were at all similar. They are not. FireDad and I are parenting two vastly different children. They respond differently to discipline methods. They respond differently to transitions. They respond differently to meal time, play time, nap time, bed time and social situations. They do almost nothing in the same manner. As such, they require different parenting techniques. Sometimes that makes it look like we’re favoring one child over the other. (That perception varies with the situation at hand.) That’s not the case, of course, but I wonder how long it will take one of them to say, “Hey! Why is he your favorite? What am I? Chopped liver?” Because I said it. My brother said it. In fact, I still swear that my younger brother was the favorite while he claims the opposite. Is this the norm in most houses? Is this even a manageable issue?

I sense some Mommy Guilt seeping into this post. I’ve been feeling it as of late, trying to find the balance between parenting techniques, discipline and allowing them to learn on their own. All of that said, I absolutely love that they are so close in age. It was what we wanted for our children, my health issues aside, as FireDad’s sister is also eight years his elder. We wanted our children to have a built in playmate. I think we just expected them to be slightly more similar. I also know that I didn’t think about things like alone time, frustrations with one another without the verbal ability to vent those frustrations and things like the fact that even if you have two (or more) of one toy, it doesn’t matter. They always want what the other one has in his hands. We didn’t think about the drawbacks, those cons of having a sibling so close in age.

We’re surviving, of course. But if someone wants to pick up a Jessie doll before Sunday or Tuesday, that might save a little bit of sanity. Just saying.

Tomorrow afternoon is our semi-back-to-school day. BigBrother has orientation at his preschool, the one he attended last year with such great success. Due to a scheduling error, LittleBrother will be tagging along. The real first day of school falls on September 2nd, changing our lives yet again.

We have new issues this year, our first real “back-to” school year as last year was the first time BigBrother ever went to school. What are our new issues?

• Mornings. Last year, BigBrother attended school on Tuesdays and Thursdays in the afternoon. We’d eat lunch, hit the potty and take the short drive to preschool. This year? He has to be delivered to school around 8:40. In the morning. Three days a week. Yikes. Now, I know that’s a lot later (and two days less) than some of you. And, yes, I know that BigBrother wakes up at seven-zero-zero (7:00, people) every single day (and earlier on vacation). So it shouldn’t be an issue, right? We’ll see. I spend most mornings doing work in my pajamas. To actually get up, get both boys fed and dressed and then dress myself might take a little getting used to.
• LittleBrother. Last year, he didn’t ever really notice BigBrother was gone. Late in the year, when I would wake him up from his nap and say that we were going to go get his brother at school, he’d say his name and “cool.” The last few days of school, he demanded that he also wear a backpack to and from school. But, mainly, he napped while his brother was at school. He doesn’t take a morning nap anymore (doesn’t need one with his other amounts of sleep). He’ll be wide awake while brother is gone and likely grumpy about being left out. I will have to combat the grumpies and find new ways to entertain my almost-two-year-old youngest son. Normally BigBrother does the entertaining. I hope I can fill his shoes.

I’m sure other issues will crop up, of course. They always do. Like the Bad Kid who is, of course, in his class yet again. To boot, BigBrother has picked up an attitude over the course of the summer, forgetting to use his manners from time to time. I’m hoping that issue magically fixes itself because I’m so over it.

As for resolutions, I do have a few. Some are for me, some are for the kid going to school and some are for the kid staying home with me.

• Go to the gym! Our YMCA only offers child care in the morning (9-12) and the evening (4-8). The latter offering doesn’t work with our dinner, playtime, bedtime routine. And as I said above, mornings are rough. However, I figure that since I’m up and out of the house, I should be able to hit the gym at least one (or two?) of those three days, right? That way LittleBrother can have some social time and I can feel more human. Right? Someone say this is a good resolution and that I’ll be able to keep up with it.
• Work on skills with LittleBrother. Oh, the poor younger child. As I had all the time in the world to devote to BigBrother, he was a bit more advanced in things like colors, letters and numbers. LittleBrother knows some of them but… it’s hard to get one-on-one time with him because someone always butts in and says, “No! That’s green!” How’s a kid supposed to learn? How’s a Mom supposed to find time? While I think some socialization at the gym will also be good for LittleBrother, I do think he’ll vastly benefit from some one-on-one time with me (and FireDad on days he isn’t working). I’m thinking some coloring, painting, dance parties and walks are in our future. His personality is different from that of his older brother so “teaching” him things will have to happen in a different way. Not quite sure how yet but we’ll figure it out as we go. (Also? Potty training? He’s so near it. Soon?)
• Work on fine motor-skills with BigBrother. He knows his letters and numbers and is basically in the early stages of reading. But scissors? Or gluing small items? Or even really drawing or writing his letters? He’s always in motion so working on those fine motor skills proves to be difficult for him. I don’t ever want to push and pressure and make it the opposite of fun or he simply won’t want to do it and then he won’t ever learn it. As such, I really need to come up with some fun motor skill boosting projects for him. This, once again, is kind of out of my league. I’m not a teacher. I don’t pretend to know what I’m doing over here. But I do recognize that he has a deficiency in this area and I’d feel really guilty if I didn’t do something to help him along. Again, what that is other than cutting something out everyday, I don’t know. Ideas?

So, yes, we have goals for this school year. Also, I will continue working on reading with BigBrother. Every time he learns a new word, he gets very excited and looks for it in everything that we read. This last month and a half of summer have not given us much time to work so I’m hoping the return to a schedule, however early our day starts, provides us with time to devote to those things.

Today, however, we’re starting off the “new year” with a party at my friend’s house. I’ll be honest. It wasn’t my idea. She’s having a “It’s Still Summer” party wherein we plan to celebrate the heat (sadly, it will be 85 today) and use up some of the party stuff from the past year. (Old Halloween crafts, Easter egg hunt and wrapping books we’ll be trading in wrapping paper.) Sometimes it bugs me that my friends are so creative. I am just not. But I’ll mooch off their creativity and have a blast with my kids today.

Speaking of parties, you should head over to School Year’s Eve (which is technically what that is for us today, isn’t it?) and look at the ideas they have for a Back-to-School party for your kids and friends. To boot, you could win $1500 for your local PTA. I’m hoping to get some good shots of the kids today to post for tomorrow (Wordless Wednesday). Then again, I always take my camera to parties for the kids and always forget to pull it out because I’m having too much fun. Hopefully the too much fun someday combines with the thought to utilize the camera. Maybe today?

Next week I do promise to share the gifts that we got for BigBrother for his return to school, the gift we got for LittleBrother to soothe the fact that his brother gets to leave and he’s stuck with Mommy and why I don’t go school clothes shopping until late September. Stay tuned.

(And hey! Are you looking for fire truck backpacks for back-to-school? I just featured three awesome backpacks. Check it out!)

Two years ago, we came down to Emerald Isle with BigBrother in tow. Technically, LittleBrother was also in tow, safely hidden away in my womb. BigBrother enjoyed the water that year, threw fits when we left the beach and suckered his grandparents into buying him far too much ice cream.

This year, LittleBrother is the same age that BigBrother was two years ago. Minus a week. But they couldn’t be more different. LittleBrother is a bit more tentative with the water, though he is braver at three days in than he was on our first day. He’s not scared exactly. In fact, I think he’s just confused since he’s able to lay on his belly in the water at the beach and doing so here is not particularly possible for a twenty-one month old little dude. He doesn’t throw a fit when we leave the beach for lunch and supper. BigBrother still does. And while he can’t have ice cream, he does still manage to sucker his grandparents into digging holes, carrying him everywhere and generally falling over themselves with oohs and aahs.

(2007 BigBrother, 2009 LittleBrother. Same ages.)

Part of me thinks, “They look nothing alike.” And then I look closely. You can tell that they’re brothers.

Two years ago, however, BigBrother didn’t have anyone to giggle with over waves tickling his feet. BigBrother had to go to sleep alone in his room. BigBrother was the only kid. And this year, he’s not. They run into the surf, laugh, and run back out. They convince Papau to dig and dig and dig and dig a hole for them to sit in and push all of the sand back down into after all of that hard work. They chase Yia Yia. They eat their lunches together. They giggle themselves to sleep at night. They’re two brothers, at the beach, having a good time.

And I’m a Mommy of two brothers at the beach… trying to memorize every single moment.